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  • Delusional, just good at hiding it

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    Old 05-01-2019, 01:36 AM   #1
    somewhatokay
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    Join Date: May 2019
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    somewhatokay HB User
    Delusional, just good at hiding it

    I was on the internet just googling stuff and found this page that talked about different types of delusions. Most were familiar to me, as I've had a lot in the past. But then I was starting to notice that some of these are mildly still around. The article called "mood related delusions" delusions that are related to your mood, like for example thinking the sun will come out if you think positive thoughts. Like a couple of months ago I thought that if I thought positive thoughts like "it IS cloudy" that the clouds would actually move in front of the sun. This was on a particularly hot day and I was carrying stuff because I was moving into my new apartment. Now, to my credit, I did think, "nah whatever thoughts I'm having is not affecting the clouds and them moving is just coincidence" but still, it kind of freaks me out that I had this/these thoughts enter my mind. It makes me wonder how paranoid or odd I really am. I think I come off as "normal" to most people and when I tell them about my mental health history they are surprised.

    I haven't had a full blown psychotic episode since 2015 and am at a 4 year university studying psychology. I put on a normal face but my mind is constantly racing... thinking odd thoughts like thinking someone can tell what I'm feeling just by looking at me, that people don't like me, and then delusions like the one about the clouds...but I keep them locked up. I would never dare tell anyone that I was thinking that except for my doctors. And I can at least now recognize when my thoughts are delusional...

    But why are they still there? Has anyone ever gotten full relief from delusions or are they just something you live and cope with? please help

     
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