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Feeling guilty . . .

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Old 01-17-2006, 05:30 AM   #1
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Location: Chicago, Illinois
Posts: 187
loopyturtle HB User
Feeling guilty . . .

I promised my mother mid November that I would visit her and help her out during and after an upcoming surgery. Various occurrences posponed the surgery till next week. As the time draws near I have been experiencing an increase in mood disturbances, including frequency, duration and severity. I'm positive that it is not totally related to the upcoming trip. In fact, the idea hadn't occurred to me till a couple days ago when the idea was suggested to me by my s/o. Nonetheless, I had to stop and consider the impact the trip is currently having and will have on me in the future.

I realized yesterday that I should not go. Enter the big sinking feeling in my stomach.

I talked on the phone with my mom some yesterday, and told her a little bit of what's been going on. She has always supported me in my illnes to the best of her ability. Sometimes above and beyond what she should have, leaving her needs unmet. She assured me that she understands. That she would be disappointed, but would rather I stay home and take care of myself than to have problems. Just the thing for a mother to say, right?

I feel terrible. I feel guilty. I feel that I'm always letting people down like this. I'm so angry that circumstances are like this. I feel like I've had plenty of time to get my stuff together and return to others what they have given me. Instead, I'm still not really even standing on my own two feet. I feel like a piece of old, used chewing gum stuck to the bottom of someone's sneaker. . .

What better day could there be to have an appointment with my shrink, huh?

I apologize for the extended post. Thanks for listening.

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Old 01-17-2006, 09:47 AM   #2
Join Date: Oct 2005
Posts: 9
JSDell HB User
Re: Feeling guilty . . .

Loopy, Trust me, you really are doing the best thing for your mother. Now she can concentrate on getting well and won't have to expend her energy on worrying and dealing with your bipolar problem. I am a mild bipolar, but my husband's bipolar is more difficult to deal with. It takes a lot of energy to deal with being and being around a bipolar. I've learned it's best that we are honest with each other when we are having bipolar mood swing problems. That way we know how to deal with each other and we are on our toes to when the other person starts to spiral into an up or down mood and we can help the other person get back on an even keel. If your mother had to do that she would be putting her recovery at risk. My suggestion is that if you know of anyone who can help out your mother that you call and ask if they would pitch in and help your mother, in place of you. And I'd suggest you call your mother daily...but only if you can keep yourself from having or being in a mood swing up or down while you call. If you are having a rough day, just make it a short 1 or 2 min. phone call and that way she still knows how much you care and that you really want to help and how much you wish you could be there. Also here's what I do when I'm having a rough day and have to interact with other people.... before the phone call, try running your hands under warm water for 5 min. and while you have your hands under the water, concentrate on calming thoughts. That really works for me. If you can, you might want to send your mother something she'd, a plant, a book, a DVD, a calming CD, rexlaxing tea, comfort foods, a nice set of jamies, makeup..what ever would make her feel good. I've found that even the grocery stores and drug stores will make deliveries of flowers, plants, herbal teas, and other things for much less than I can get them delivered thru any flower service. I've also found that if all else fails, I can call a taxi co [in anohter city...even another state] and pay them over the phone to go to the grocery store or drug store and make a pick up and delivery. I wish you all the best...and please do not feel really are doing the right thing for your mother and for yourself....your decision was a wise one...and surly saved everyone, especially your mother a lot of worry. My best wishes for your mother's speedy recovery and your swift return to a level keel. JSDELL

Last edited by JSDell; 01-17-2006 at 09:52 AM.

Old 01-17-2006, 09:48 AM   #3
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Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 3,335
Ruth6:11 HB UserRuth6:11 HB User
Re: Feeling guilty . . .

Think of Bipolar Disorder like diabetes. You're a diabetic and you have to take your insulin. But even if you take your insulin, underneath you're still diabetic. You can't decide to eat an entire bag of reese's peanut butter cups just cause you take your medicine.

It's been like that for me over 20 years of being "stable" on lithium. Underneath it all I am still Bipolar. I can't decide to stop getting regular sleep, or drink 14 cans of Mountain Dew a day, or take on the stress of a job that will pay big bucks and expect to remain stable.

I still avoid situations that are too stressful for me. I'm sure that some people don't understand why I'm not at alot of drinking parties for example. But the truth is that we can only handle what we can handle.
You should be glad that you were aware of your stress level and chose to stay on a path that keeps you feeling more balanced.

Because if not for our sense of balance how healthy can we really be?
Hang in there - it's ok to feel guilty, no good kid wouldn't... but be realistic too, ok???

Old 01-17-2006, 04:54 PM   #4
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Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 652
barbaric_yawp HB User
Re: Feeling guilty . . .

I feel terrible. I feel guilty. I feel that I'm always letting people down like this. I'm so angry that circumstances are like this. I feel like I've had plenty of time to get my stuff together and return to others what they have given me. Instead, I'm still not really even standing on my own two feet. I feel like a piece of old, used chewing gum stuck to the bottom of someone's sneaker. . .

You do what you need to do to feel better. My mom has Alzheimers, she is a mere 58 yrs old, and I am loosing her by the day. However, I need to put myself together before seeing her, and back together everytime I do. It is so much energy that I just can't do it all of the time. I love her so much, as you love your mom, and want the best for her. But moms always want the best for you and would be upset if we are down and out. Take care of yourself first, then do your best for your mom.

Keep in touch, even by phone, with your mom. She will appreciate your efforts more than you even know.

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