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I have no idea what to do

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Old 05-01-2006, 06:43 PM   #1
Join Date: Apr 2003
Posts: 58
ljs3 HB User
I have no idea what to do

I really feel that I am in an impossible situation. Ever since I have known my husband I have felt that something wasn't right. He could be the most wonderful person in the world and then for no reason he could turn into an angry, awful person. Twenty years ago he was arrested for indecent exposure. He swore to me he'd never do it again but something he said really stuck with me. He told me that this uncontrollable urge came over him and that is when it would happen. He had to go to counseling and was put on probation. In those twenty years the mood swings continued and the problem he was arrested for always stayed in the back of my mind. I could never figure out what would provoke someone to do something so wrong. Fast forward to now. He recently was again arrested for indecent exposure but this time when he went to counseling he was given the diagnosis of bipolar disorder. His counselor says that his sexual impulse has a direct link to being bipolar. Here's my problem. I really feel that I can no longer stay with him. If he is found guilty of indecent exposure he may have to register as a sex offender. We have three school aged children and I am a teacher. We cannot be connected with him if he indeed does have to register. But if I stay with him I would have to live with the fear of him doing it again and then at that time definitely having to register. I feel that I am in an awful situation with no where to turn. What do I do? This isn't the type problem I can talk to my friends about. Telling them that my husband exposed himself. I am so alone with my misery and worry for my children. We will know in a couple of weeks what the outcome will be. I have told him he will have to move out and live away from us just to protect us. Then part of me feels that he really does have an illness and maybe I'm wrong for not staying with him. But if I do, there are no guarantees he won't do it again and then his problem will become public. I don't think there is a counselor out there that can give the the guarantee that with medication, counseling and support that he'll never do it again. Please share your thoughts me me. Thank you!!!

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Old 05-07-2006, 07:55 PM   #2
Lucky Penny
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Re: I have no idea what to do

My dh was diagnosed with it on May 4th. This is all very new to me, but if I were in your situation, I'm afraid I'd have to give serious thought to removing myself from the relationship. My dh's last outburst had me thinking I might have to leave him if he didn't seek help because I want to keep my children safe..... his anger has always been vented on inanimate objects thus far, but if he gets worse I'd fear for our safety when he's in a manic state.

I hope you find some peace soon...whether you stay with him or not....I do wish you the best!

(I edited this since a post seems to have been deleted....and it made mine seem odd.)

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Last edited by Lucky Penny; 05-08-2006 at 06:08 PM.

Old 05-07-2006, 08:08 PM   #3
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Re: I have no idea what to do

I'd like to share my situation w/you..maybe it would help...I, too, am bi-polar, but had many more depressive episodes than maniac took a while to find the right combination of medications, but I've had going on 4 years of happiness...lost my husband of 18 years to a girlfriend but gained custody of my 12 year old son--the best thing that's ever happened to me.
It truly is an illness..and I can say that from experience that counseling did "nothing" for me...there are new medications being released every month...has he been prescribed anythin?

My ex had stuck with me for those years (before I was diagnosed) but had been very adamant about taking medication--saying that it was all in my head....when I took things in my own hands and began taking meds, I began to get better.....and he left...I'm glad that we're no longer together, but I'll never forgive him for not trying.

I'm not trying to make you feel bad, but if he truely is bi-polar, it's something he has no control over and people need to be educated about that....
I hope that I haven't offended you..maybe helped a little??..if you have any questions, please ask...I'm always anxious to share..

Old 05-09-2006, 11:16 AM   #4
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Re: I have no idea what to do

Had a friend who was bi-polar and she was very sexual during her mania. She would pull a stranger off the street and lay down with them. But I've also seen someone who was in the military, great guy....not manic, be arrested for indecent exposure...he turned out to be gay...wife of 12 years had no idea.....but the arrest made him come out of the you never know...

Old 05-16-2006, 01:44 PM   #5
Join Date: Mar 2006
Posts: 75
coddylove HB User
Re: I have no idea what to do

My wife is bi-polar and i guess because we don't have children tht i do not understand your situation completely and i woudl tell you not to abandon your husband until ther is actually no hope. With respect to what you actually said about not wanting to be connected to your husband due to the charges he has acquired......well i think that its a bit to late to not be connected you became connected when you married him and through your children together. But, my question for you is (please don't think that i am being rude, this is a genuine question because i have been on the other side of this with my wife.) Why does it always seem like it is easier for women to leave men and it be excepted than for a husband to take his kids and leave his wife. (pointing out again this is not personally directed at you) but you stated that you were prepared to leave your husband, so i am hoping that you can answer that question for me.

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