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  • Do you think i am Bipolar?????

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    Old 08-03-2006, 05:39 PM   #1
    daisy-duke77
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    Do you think i am Bipolar?????

    Im curious to know what people think. About a year ago i THOUGHT i was misdiagnosed Bipolar..............my phyciatrist put me on Lamictal and i never felt so crazy in my life.............i also didnt sleep for 3 months. She wouldnt take me off it.............so i went to my family dr and tapered off of it! I felt worse then when i began taking it! That whole experience with my therapist made me never want to seek another couselor in my life! I want to share a few things about me, and maybe someone can determine if i am Bipolar.......or just suffer from major depression.........addiction.......OCD. Im 34 and have been depressed just about my entire life. I have been on all kinds of antidepressants since i was 17. Currently i am on WellbutrinXL and Buspar. I cannot handle side effects.............mainly weight gain and sexual side effects. So most of the time i am down..........i am extremely obsessive with my weight..........working out and accepting the way i look and feel. I am filled with anger and rage............but i have reasons to that...........2 years ago i moved across the US (for husbands job) and I HATE where i live! I cant "fit in" and have made no friends! I am very lonely which makes my depression worse! Im not very social.............and where i moved........people are mostly born and raised here............you definately would not move here............unless for a job! I left everything i ever knew.......all family, friends etc! I struggle with addiction (im recovering) So basically all i have is my husband...........i also have a 12yr old son. I could go on and on about the move. Anywayz..........my head is like a rollercoaster.......a million thoughts a minute............im a shopaholic.......that makes me feel good temporarily. Im very very negative and suffer an eating disorder as well. Basically i dont love or accept myself, no matter how many people tell me im beautiful! I will never trust another counselor/therapist/phyciatrist ever again! I feel you go to 10-15 sessions before you even know if they can help you! I have went to 4 since i lived here and they all were a waste of money! They just listened!!! I need some feedback. I have high moments............but they are very far few and inbetween! I literally will love myself for about 2min.............then i fall apart again! This definately takes a tole on my marriage (2nd marriage) and i married a man that i have to say i cant believe he is still around. We communicate very well.............but i know i harbor alot of recentment, when i went to rehab for addiction. When i was drinking, all these thoughts went away and i felt wonderful! Sometimes i get in denial mode and feel i quit for everyone else and not for myself! My family told me my whole life.....that i could end up becoming addicted.......i was born heroin addicted and very very ill as an infant. My family adopted me. I want to think that i never was an addict.....that maybe that was just a period i went thru in my 20's! There is sooo much more i have to say, but just by reading this much..............what do you think? Do you think my diagnosis was correct? and i was just on the wrong med! Thanxs for reading......sorry it is so long!

     
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    Old 08-03-2006, 07:53 PM   #2
    emeraldeyes114
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    Re: Do you think i am Bipolar?????

    Ok it is hard to judge whether someone is or isn't a certain thing based on an email. Though some of what you said reminds me of Bipolar some of it also reminds me of Borderline Personality. I don't have a degree just too much time spent on wards i guess.

    The rapid thoughts, shopping sprees, little or no sleep reminds me of mania in Bipolar.

    The low to no self esteem, anger issues, problems relating to the self, addiction which might be considered Self Injury, issues of trust remind me of Borderline Personality Disorder.

    Do your moods fluctuate slowly or very quickly? Do you have grandiose ideas of yourself at all? How is your speech patterns? I know you stated you have a tendency to depression. When up or manic do you have perhaps hallucinations or voices of any kind? Do you think the medication triggered things or were they there all along?

    Emerald

     
    Old 08-03-2006, 08:09 PM   #3
    goody2shuz
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    Re: Do you think i am Bipolar?????

    Hi...nobody here could really diagnose you but from what you describe you do fit into the profile of somebody who could be Bipolar. Alot of people who are Bipolar will self medicate utilizing alcohol and/or drugs. I suspect that is what you are doing. Unfortunately this leads to addictions in addition to being Bipolar.

    From what I have learned and read, when somebody is using alcohol/drugs and demonstrating your type of behavior Bipolar should be suspected.

    I also have read that Lamictal is not a good first choice of meds to be used if Bipolar is suspected. So although you felt worse you shouldn't have given up if Bipolar was diagnosed. The worst part of Bipolar is finding the right meds. The way I see it is it is like a game of Yahtzee...you have to find the right combo to feel like a winner.

    It is obvious that you are not feeling better and that things are continuing to get worse. I think that you need to try to once again come to the realization that something IS wrong and get another evaluation and try your best to try to get this all under control. Unfortunately you have a dual diagnosis.....you need to deal with your addictions as well as your possible Bipolar. In order to treat the Bipolar you will have to realize that you cannot use alcohol or drugs so that the proper meds can be found. You need to think of it as you are choosing meds for yourself that are wrong and will only make the Bipolar worse and be commited to getting better and trusting and following a psychiatrists regimen to get you better. Until you are able to do that things will only worsten for you.

    IF you are Bipolar the only way to get better is with meds. You will need to be patient in finding the right ones...it won't happen overnight. And of course you will need some therapy to work through your other issues suhc as your self esteem and anger.

    I hope that you choose to find the help that you need. Life is better than this....you have to want to get better that is half the battle the other half is going out and finding a way of doing it!!

    PLEASE make an appointment and take the first step to making sure that you do something before your marriage fails. You can be so much happier than this and I think you know it.

    Good luck and please know that we are here for you!! ~ Goody

     
    Old 08-04-2006, 05:12 AM   #4
    daisy-duke77
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    Re: Do you think i am Bipolar?????

    Thank you for the responses. I feel so lost..............when i moved i picked therapists out of the phone book...........then i got a referral from my family dr on this last one! I know you have to keep trying different therapists/drugs.....and it's all trial and error! More than anything i want to feel "normal" i have never felt whatever that is my entire life! I have such a TRUST issue and as far as med's i am petrified! As the therapists always told me............do you want to feel better mentally? Or gain a little weight/good sex life. Well if i put on any weight...........i go mental!!! I wont quit smoking......for fear of gaining weight! I quit for 6 months and that was 6 months of pure hell..............along with weight gain. Yesterday im at the gym............i got a compliment............WOW, i couldnt believe it! It made me feel good for about 1/2 the day. It's bizaar how other's see you? This woman asked me if i compete (bodybuilding competitions) i think i looked at her with a blank stare. She said i looked great and she wanted to look like me! Well i thought inside my head..............."Oh i starve myself and take Efedra...............to look like this. I just dont know where to begin........i need to trust a therapist. This one is hard..............my husband doesnt believe in them...........and think they are "just regular people" who have had some education..........and that misdiagnose people all the time and "jack" them up on meds! He believe's they are a waste of $$$$$! He tells me EVERYONE feels like i do.............to some extent, but i take it over the top! We sit and talk about how i feel and yes he would support me finding help again...............do you see where im coming from?

     
    Old 08-04-2006, 01:08 PM   #5
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    Re: Do you think i am Bipolar?????

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by daisy-duke77
    Thank you for the responses. I feel so lost..............when i moved i picked therapists out of the phone book...........then i got a referral from my family dr on this last one! I know you have to keep trying different therapists/drugs.....and it's all trial and error! More than anything i want to feel "normal" i have never felt whatever that is my entire life! I have such a TRUST issue and as far as med's i am petrified! As the therapists always told me............do you want to feel better mentally? Or gain a little weight/good sex life. Well if i put on any weight...........i go mental!!! I wont quit smoking......for fear of gaining weight! I quit for 6 months and that was 6 months of pure hell..............along with weight gain. Yesterday im at the gym............i got a compliment............WOW, i couldnt believe it! It made me feel good for about 1/2 the day. It's bizaar how other's see you? This woman asked me if i compete (bodybuilding competitions) i think i looked at her with a blank stare. She said i looked great and she wanted to look like me! Well i thought inside my head..............."Oh i starve myself and take Efedra...............to look like this. I just dont know where to begin........i need to trust a therapist. This one is hard..............my husband doesnt believe in them...........and think they are "just regular people" who have had some education..........and that misdiagnose people all the time and "jack" them up on meds! He believe's they are a waste of $$$$$! He tells me EVERYONE feels like i do.............to some extent, but i take it over the top! We sit and talk about how i feel and yes he would support me finding help again...............do you see where im coming from?
    Sounds like maybe there is more than bipolar going on. There are eating disorder issues present as well, and maybe even some social anxiety? That is something you really need to talk to a therapist about. You said you want feedback from your therapist...but maybe they don't know that. Some people want their therapists to just listen, and some want feedback. I always wanted that too, but gave up before I found it. I am currently looking for a new therapist. It is important to find one you are comfortable with, because they do have different styles. Keep trying - make sure they know you're looking for feedback. A lot of your symptoms do sound like bipolar, but maybe it's not a complete diagnosis.

    It is very very hard to find the right meds. I never did, and got fed up and quit taking them. Now, i've been off them for a year and been okay, but not great. I am looking for a new psychiatrist too, because I do feel that mine was too medication-happy. If any of your docs are uncooperative, look for a new one. A trusting relationship must go both ways.

    Your husband is right, in a sense about therapists - they are just regular people! They aren't superheros, and i supposed they can make mistakes, like other human beings, but there are some really good therapists out there - you just have to find them! "Therapists" can't give out meds though - to give out meds you have to be a doctor (or a psychiatrist). Doctors are just regular people too....with education. Medical doctors aren't perfect either, and sometimes misdiagnose. That's why some people get second opinions.

    We're all just human.

    Therapists aren't a waste of money, if they are helping you. And no, not everyone feels like you do - your husband is wrong about that. Yes, many people get depressed at some point or have mood swings, but it's the duration and severity (or reoccurance) of symptoms that makes it a "mental illness".

     
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