It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Bipolar Disorder Message Board

  • A little story about (possible) paranoia

  • Post New Thread   Closed Thread
    Thread Tools Search this Thread
    Old 07-24-2003, 05:03 PM   #1
    Lectus
    Senior Member
    (male)
     
    Lectus's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Nov 2002
    Location: Rhode Island
    Posts: 148
    Lectus HB User
    Post A little story about (possible) paranoia

    I'll make this very concise and orderly, because nowadays doing that is the only way I can form coherent thoughts and words.

    The first time my problems began to develop I was in my senior year of High school. At first things weren't unbearable, I was just getting lazy in my school work, beginning to think that success in high school didn't matter, until the point where my grades weren't even passing. My memorization skills and interest in academics plummeted. I finally stopped caring how everyone treated me, which was a long time coming since I never had any permanent friendships in school or out. That had always made life difficult.

    Anyway, I stayed in school for a while and dealt with this until I started having weird, very uncomfortable imaginings. I hesitate to call them delusions because they are by no means as serious as some people get, and they're based on real sights and sounds that I observed. I began to interpret the body language and coughing and sneezing of other people as being caused by myself, and listening to the whispers of the classroom. I thought I had some sort of body odor and maybe I did, and that that's what was making everyone uncomfortable. I never questioned this rationalization, as everything I saw and heard seemed to support it (I believe conventional wisdom says it would be insane to go against what you see and hear, right?). So one day I had enough, and decided I wouldn't burden everyone else with my presence. What right does an abberation such as me have to ruin their last year of school? Not to be completely selfless... There was considerable anxiety on my part caused by all the ambiguous meanings of their gestures, coughs, voices, and glances. So it was a mutually beneficial situation.

    By the end of the school year, I had missed 70 days of my (approxiamately) 120 school days. In the meantime I just surfed the net, played games, and chatted when I wasn't sneaking around and hiding from my family. I had little compulsion to do anything else. Vague plans were already forming in my head to leave home without money or even a spare set of clothes. Back then I had hope; that I could somehow make it work with my creativity and enginuity, so long as people didn't treat me or look at me the same way as my classmates (and even a few of my teachers). Now I don't even care if I make it, so long as no one remembers my name. It irks me that if they do remember me, they'd just misrepresent or spread lies about who they think I am. I look to the past, what I have done in the few years that I've been out of high school, look at what I wanted to do, what I have done, and what I have been capable of doing. Sometimes my view of who I was gets distorted, and I over-idealise who I was. It's sorta like being your own idiot son/peerless father. It makes life very discouraging.

    Anyhow (for the sake of chronological order), back to my story. After the school finally moved to do something about my truancy (I assumed nobody wanted me around, including faculty, so the delay didn't strike me as odd.) they offered me a deal to make it possible to graduate. They offered to rearrange my entire schedule to make it work. I really had no choice but to accept; I wasn't ready to tell people I was giving up, and I was willing to make a bet that things had changed (with regards to my phantom, body odor). Besides, quitting right in front of them, after they had worked so hard at a solution, would've just shamed me.

    This new program worked for a while, and I even noticed a certain, elevated level of politeness and kindness toward me from my classmates, but the body language and signals were still there, teasing me; They were just barely on the periphery of my awareness and gradually moving into focus as I became more anxious. The multitude of little things wore me down and eventually I went back to my old habits of hiding and lying and waiting.

    This time, it didn't take long for my folks and the school to catch on. They had my mother and sister drive me physically to the school, drop me off at the main gate, and watch me walk in. This, of course, did nothing, aside from the few seconds that I actually was inside. As soon as they were out of sight, I slipped out the door, walked down the hill, and took off on the road to my house and freedom (or so I thought of it back then. Now I know it was and ever has been my prison). So after a few weeks of this kind of behavior, the school caved and let me take my courses at home. The only catch was that I had to make up every single assignment I failed to finish that year and write a few essays. This was a godsent, and I finally was able to work, without the distractions of the classroom and the unignorable paranoia that came with it.I managed to pass all of my academic classes, but I had to take summer school for gym (it sounds strange, I know, but in my school it was a common issue. They forced you to actually play specific team sports, so it wasn't just change and do whatever the hell you want, like most schools I hear about. Quite a few students skipped gym, for this and whatever other reasons.) Aside from this, the school recommended a psychiatrist to see what was wrong with me. The school had already decided I suffer from anxiety, possibly social anxiety, but to make it official they sent me to a real doctor, instead of their poorly-trained, school counselors. I wasn't completely honest about what I was feeling (How embarrasing would it be to admit that I thought I stunk so bad that the other students couldn't stand to be around me. I was still convinced this was true, and to this day i'm not completely unconvinced. Right now I'm just open to the possibility that I'm paranoid.)

    During these sessions I attended summer school, which was hard for me. My paranoia was strong as ever and I was completely convinced there was nothing that could cure my phantom, body odor. I reckon I was a few steps away from taking a tomato or listerine bath. The (possibly) misinterpreted gestures and voices were still there but only half of the time, when we were in the classroom. The rest of the three hours was spent playing sports, which was actually kind of fun. It was really the most fun I ever had in a gym class. So with this to balance the dreadfullness of a cramped classroom, I managed to cope with my anxiety and concentrate on completing the course (so I could graduate high school). One memory that might sound corny to you, but made too big an impression on me to omit, came at the end of the last session, where I managed to make a perfect catch in the endzone just as the bell rang (we played arena football in the gymnasium). The team I happened to be on didn't win, but that didn't diminish the moment for me. I dunno if there's some hidden metaphor to my life in there, or the outcome of my life (if there is one), but if there is then I don't have the clarity of mind to see it or interpret it.

    Anyway, I continued to visit the doctor, and he prescribed Prozac after giving me the diagnosis of having social anxiety disorder (I'm not sure exactly what variety he gave me, or how large a dose. I guess I could retrieve/request the records from their office.). After a few weeks of taking this I began to feel different, more confident about myself and less passive. I stopped worrying about what other people might be thinking of me and taking too much time to interpret their bodily signals. Abnoxious hooting, holloring and laughter that might've drove me instantly insane before ceased to annoy me. On top of this I felt smarter, or maybe just less inhibited and able to use the smarts that I had in social situations. I wasn't sure what the cause of this was, whether it was the medicine, or a natural reaction of having finally attained freedom from the accursed school. I was particularly inspired by the movie Fight Club, and wondered if that was the cause for my change in behavior, or one of them.

    The next october my mother got a job for me through a friend of hers at a Hollywood Video store. I still noticed little things, like the gestures of my coworkers and their voices, mannerisms, etc... But I was too busy to really care, and nobody voiced any complaints about me specifically. I think it was around november that I went off my medication, thinking that I never needed it in the first place and that the state of calm and apathy I had reached could be maintained by force of will. Things were fine for a month or so, but then I began to notice a souring in everyone's attitude toward me. The way people moved around me, and the way they reacted when I moved by them caused the paranoid feelings I hadn't experienced since my senior year of high school. One person even talked to me, asking me if and when I was planning on leaving the job. When I told him, quite innocently, that I didn't really have any thoughts about leaving, he mentioned his intention to do so, to get a job landscaping. Taking a deep sniff, he said "You know... Fresh air." An eight year old could've gotten his meaning, and in that moment my confidence was completely shattered, and the paranoia was back, stronger than ever.

    I survived for another month, with every single experience in that store serving to deepen my (possibly mistaken) belief. In early february, I disappeared, without so much as two week notice. I got calls and messages from my work, asking where the hell I was (as if they even wanted me around, although I could understand the inconvenience of having one of your most dedicated workers disappearing without a word) For my family's sake, I maintained the guise of going to work, driving for hours on end, heading nowhere, parking in lots and just thinking, stressing or trying to write (which had become a hobby of mine since I took the job.). My family found out eventually, and was predictably angry and upset.

    Few things happened after that, nothing of note and nothing that had a lasting impact on my life. I took three or four jobs, each of which I quickly gave up after suffering the same paranoia and fear I always get when I'm around strange people for an extended amount of time. Since I quit my first job, I feel like I've been living the very same month, over and over again. Three years have passed since I graduated in 2000, and I've gotten nowhere. Fear of befouling another workplace has kept me from getting another job and the same fear has kept me out of college. Sometimes I even get paranoid in movie theatres, which never happened before I quit my first job.

    Recently, over the past year, my mental ability has noticeably declined. I'm less flexible, less adaptive, and less coordinated. Even my voice slurs sometimes and I stagger, like a drunk. At first I looked to the internet for a reason, and found many answers. First I had testicular cancer, then migraines, then CSF leak, then Lyme disease. For a while the Lyme disease stuck, and I was satisfied to at least 'know' what was happening. As my mind faded into obscurity, another fit of social-born paranoia hit me. I began to consider the possibility that all of these problems had been caused by drug use, even though I never saw a joint in person, much less smoked them. Then I thought of my brother, who is a heavy smoker, and probably smokes pot as well. I considered the possibility that he smokes in the house, and this caused me much anxiety, especially since his room is directly underneath mine and he's usually awake while i'm asleep. I began to notice small similarities in my recently acquired mannerisms to his behavior. Once I started off on this type of thinking, it was impossible to deny me. I was convinced of two conflicting notions at once, lyme disease and marijuana poisoning. I was never sure of either but (somehow) equally convinced of the threat that both posed to me.

    Eventually my self-restraint failed and, angered, I confronted my brother about it. He denied it just as heatedly. The fact of which meant nothing. If he was smoking marijuana in the house, of course he wouldn't tell me (unless I had proof). And if he wasn't smoking marijuana, then he'd have no reason to say yes. So I left it to my flawless instincts where human body language is concerned, and tried to determine for myself if he was lying or not. After considering everything I had seen and heard and experienced myself, I decided he was. Much chaos followed with a few angry fits directed at my brother and constant self-hate for what I saw as a condition that could never improve. My thinking was that I could only stop degenerating, and since I felt I'd lost the most important aspects of my former mind, any attempt to fix what was happening was meaningless.

    If you've read this far, thanks. I know my stories/rants can be long, a little tedious, and sometimes aimless.

    Anyway, do you guys think this might be bi-polar disorder?

    p.s. SO much for concise.... Ah well, I tried.

    [This message has been edited by Lectus (edited 07-24-2003).]
    __________________
    In a way, doctors are worse than Lawyers; Lawyers can screw you with your own stupidity. Doctors screw you with their stupidity.

     
    Sponsors Lightbulb
       
    Old 07-25-2003, 11:29 PM   #2
    nopsycho
    Junior Member
     
    nopsycho's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Jul 2003
    Location: Pell City Alabama USA
    Posts: 19
    nopsycho HB User
    Smile

    Hi Lectus Dont know abou your being bipolar. To me (and this is only an opinion) it doesnt seem to be bipolar but I'm no expert. BUT I DO recognize and relate to your paranoia because I have it myself I had a severe psychotic break from reality in the fall of 2000 I had a business with 5 employees and had to close it. They put me on antipsychotic(risperadal) as well as antidepressant and anti anxiety meds . I was totally looney tunes for 6-9 months before they finally got it under control. They changed ny antipsychotic from risperadal to geodon which helped greatly. I have made a tremendous amount of progress since the geodon.Now I only have to take maintenance doses of seroquel along with clonzepam for anxiety and to sleep as well as antidepressant wellbutrin . I slowly have gotten back to pretty much normal except for the occasional times I have paranoia usually brought on by intense stress situation or panic. The geodon quickly helped the paranoia but some of my other symptoms such as anxiety and depression have been slower to improve ,but improve they have. Besides the meds I think that by being removed from everyday stresses that I was under ( I am now on disability) the abscence of every day stress has been a very strong contributor to my getting better. I wish you well . I hope that they can definitively diagnose your particular problem and find the best meds for your situation. Above all do not feel there is no hope! It will get better if you continue to address the problems and seek out help just as you are doing right now by posting your problem. All my best to you!

    ------------------
    Lari
    __________________
    Lari

     
    Old 07-28-2003, 07:40 AM   #3
    kc_1309
    Junior Member
     
    kc_1309's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Jul 2003
    Location: canton, ny,
    Posts: 47
    kc_1309 HB User
    Red face

    Hi Lectus. If you have a few minutes, go ahead and read my reply. It goes like this.
    When i was in High School...i experienced similar problems...mine didn't quite result in isolating learning environment...no no...i stayed in the classrooms....i hated my classmates. To this day i still do. Many of them still live around town. I have been out of high school for nearly ten years and often i contmplate the day I get the invitation (that is if i even DO) to the reunion. I can't think of ONE single thing about that experience that I wish to recall. high school...the best years of your life...bullsh*t. As you said....it wasn't the typical teasing, kids will be kids type thing. The snickers behind your back, feeling as if something wasn't right. That is what i felt. They did call me names, yes. I don't remember what they were even. The odor thing...I almost fell off my computer chair when you said that. But my story differs slighty. My parents owned a convenient story...with a deli. That is where we got on the bus. Every day. I wasn't the type of Girl who strived to be like everyone else...or who cared what people thought, i just didn't understand WHY they hated me so bad. I was likeable, or so i thought. I was sick to my stomache all the time, i cried, a lot! And one of the worst traits that came out of it is that I have no self esteem. I think that people hate me. In the work place, just going around town, I am afraid to approac people. Just standing in line at a bank for crying out loud...i think the teller hates me. It is ridiculous. I have had several jobs before now, (i am a full time college student now). When i was working, i never felt like a team player. I would switch from dept to dept looking to fit in. regardless of where i would go, it didn't help. I felt useless, and thought they all thought so too. i thought that they all wanted me to quit, and i thought that no matter how good of a worker i was, and no matter how prompt, hard-working, smart, bright, i was, they still hated me. They could me wispering about the rain oustide, and to me, they were HAD to be talking about ME. It was my HAIR, or my CLOTHES, or something I did that day. Sound familar?
    It didn't and i doesn't go away. It stuck with me through college also. One single question at the end of a lecture makes me feel like i am taunting the proffesor. A comment during class makes me feel like the other students HATE me. I think they DO. And i swear their EYES and thier FACIAL expressions say it all. i do see a therapist. she makes me tell her things about me that are 'likeable' and then she proceeds to tell me that i am a likeble person. That is her job. i am not naiive. and i do not expect that everyone will like everyone in this world.

    ALSO, I used to let it bother me when someone didn't like me. I would get Ill. Really ill. So the doctor recommended that i pursue it. Approach them. I would like to share with you my findings. After i have done that a few times this is what i have learned. Some (upwards of 50%) of the people whom did NOT like me--and I let it be bothersome--turned out not worth being friends with anyhow. I felt more embarassed after they knew that i was bothered, than if i had just stayed at home and felt bothered. Get it?

    My Therapist asked me "why don't you approach people and try to make friends".

    I said "what if they don't like me"?

    She said "What if YOU don't like THEM"?

    I had never thought of it like that before. Why can't we have the power that they have? why do they get the opportunity to have this control over us...to tease us...to taunt us...then we get the diasnosis of "social anxiety disorder" or "panic disorder" or "paranoia"....pretty good chances that contributions were made by them! Directyly and indirectly.

    They say people change after high school. May be. I saw Michelle the other day. This girl who made my life a living H*ll in when we were in school. She smiled at me as she pushed her little girl in a shopping cart in the mall. Do you think there was ONE SINGLE THING she could say to me that would change the way i think of her? I realize she may not be the person she was back then, but mental scars stick. Thats the bottom line.

    What did you mean by you "over idealized who you were"?

    Anyhow...The odor in high school turned out to grease from the fryers in the deli. i guess we had the smell on our clothes that we were immune to. I knew that it was not something I could smell. because i tried so hard to detect what they were making fun of...and i could not find it. so you see...i was not as worthy as them. and since i was not then, in my own mind, i will never be. why would a deep fryer grease make someone unworthy? why would self esteem make you live your live in misery? Things carry over, and some things just aren't what they seem. Half of those people probably weren't even talking about you. There wisperings and their looks most likely weren't even about you. If they were at one time, who cares if they didn't like your shorts, or you hair, or your sneakers. Thats what i went through. Petty things. I like them. And i like me. I am just tryin to come to terms with accepting the fact that everyone will not like me.

    I have one more question and then i will end this BOOK. haha i am sorry i have rambled for sooo long. you hit HOME with your article. Have you ever gone to see a doctor to have him double check your fear of body odor? This might ease your mind. He could most likely confirm/dismiss the prescence of abnormal odor coming from your body. If it is there, he can help you treat it. If it is not, then the mental paranoio stemming from school or wherever can be treated in other ways.

    Take care and good luck. Talk to you later.

     
    Old 08-21-2003, 12:30 AM   #4
    Lectus
    Senior Member
    (male)
     
    Lectus's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Nov 2002
    Location: Rhode Island
    Posts: 148
    Lectus HB User
    Post

    Wow, thanks for that reply. Sorry it took me so long to answer. I'm glad to hear I'm not the only one to have experienced that kind of paranoia. Working in a deli would've made me absolutely sure that it was some sort of smell the others were sneering about. I did have heigiene problems in elementary school when I was going through puberty and everything, but eventually I learned to clean up (kids were much more vocal in their complaints back then, so there's no room for speculation. In high school i just assumed they had matured.). Maybe my fear of body odor in high school/beyond was just coming from the abuse/anxiety I had back then.

    Also, online conversations drive me absolutely insane now. I always visualise the other person sneering or making sarcastic comments at everything I type down. It's hard interpreting their intentions when you have no facial expressions to go by or body language, even if you're not 100% accurate at interpretation. At least then you have some sort of margin for error. When I'm talking online I always assume the worst.

    As far as over-idealising myself goes, I'm not really sure myself. I'm pretty sure I was smarter (than I am now) a year ago. Ever since then it seems like a downward spiral. I can't write, read, multitask, or remember things as well as I think I should. It feels like I'm at 50% mental capacity. Sometimes I just tell myself that I'm overidealising the past and what I was capable of, but I know something is different. I rarely worked to my highest potential in my writing or other pursuits, so usually when I go back to read my past work it only justifies that belief.

    The way my mind used to work before went like this: I have multiple layers of reasoning. There's the dumb hick layer (the surface thoughts and executive reasoning), and there's the deeper, smart layer that corrects all of the dumb hick's mistakes before he makes them (sort of like a censor) and works on it's own. A year ago when I was having my panic episodes, I used to have these strange, nauseating headaches that felt like there were fleas crawling around in my skull. After each headache I felt a little less 'with it', and my smart layer was a bit quieter. I dont get the headaches (not like that, anyway) but I don't feel like I'm regaining any bit of my intelligence. It's just been getting cloudier and cloudier, although the descent has sort of slowed (Guess I'm close to rock bottom).

    I never saw a doctor about my suspected body odor problem and I haven't felt comfortable to talk about it until very recently. My ego has dissolved to the point where I don't even care what people think anymore. I guess the issue needed time to cool down. But I'm afraid they'll say the same thing as my family, that they don't smell anything. Makes me wonder if I only smelled because I worked so hard. It still doesn't seem like a paranoid belief to me. It also could be because I gained some weight toward the time that I quit, compared to when I was hired. Or even a hormone I release when I'm nervous... kind of like a skunk. I guess I'll never know for sure.

    [This message has been edited by Lectus (edited 08-21-2003).]
    __________________
    In a way, doctors are worse than Lawyers; Lawyers can screw you with your own stupidity. Doctors screw you with their stupidity.

     
    Old 08-21-2003, 09:49 AM   #5
    Pendy
    Member
     
    Pendy's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Aug 2003
    Location: Texas
    Posts: 68
    Pendy HB User
    Post

    Lectus,

    If at all possible I would urge you to see a Doctor. And if you do talk to a Dr. be as open with him/her as you have been here. Heck, print this out and bring it with you. Either way, there are things that can help from counseling to medication. It could be something as simple as taking the Prozac again or perhaps other meds. Either way, that fog can be lifted if you give the effort.

    I say this because while I have not had the paranoia that you have, I have had symptoms of a problem all of my life. I am now 40 years old and looking back on my life I can see the havoc that I created by not having my disease treated. I was just recently diagnosed tentatively as Bipolar II and just started medication a few days ago. Can't tell you the results yet because the meds haven't kicked in yet but from the testimony of many others on this board I am looking forward to eventually leading a "normalized" life.

    Hang in there. Seek help. You've got lots of wonderful years left. Don't spend them in a fog when you don't have to!

     
    Old 08-21-2003, 03:25 PM   #6
    NotMyselfLately
    Member
     
    NotMyselfLately's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Jun 2003
    Location: Hinesville GA. USA
    Posts: 52
    NotMyselfLately HB User
    Post

    hi. i just finished reading your post and thought i'd reply. i also suffer from paranoia. i always think people are staring at me and talking about and laughing at me. i dropped out of high school because i couldn't stand being around all those people, and the fights i got into, etc. just seemed easier for me and everyone around me if i quit. i have a phobia sorta like yours, but mines not body odor, its bad breath. i have always been super paranoid that my breath would stink and i'd be talking to someone and it would be so bad they'd get sick. this has never happened, thank God (although sometimes the way people would walk away snickering would make me wonder) but its a fear i constantly live with.... does my breath stink.... oh God don't get too close and talk to me.... etc. i really don't know the exact age it started (can't remember real far back) but i do know when i was 11 i was talking with this old lady, and her breath was REAL bad. maybe thats when it started, i really don't know. i have LOTS of other problems too that help with the paranoia, seeing things, hearing things, stuff like that, but the odor issue kinda hit me because i struggle with that too. i wish you the best of luck, and i hope things get better for ya. paranoia sucks! take care of yourself, and God bless!

    [This message has been edited by NotMyselfLately (edited 08-21-2003).]

     
    Old 09-13-2003, 06:38 PM   #7
    kc_1309
    Junior Member
     
    kc_1309's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Jul 2003
    Location: canton, ny,
    Posts: 47
    kc_1309 HB User
    Question

    Hey lectus.... it's me again..I was just wondering if you have ever wondered about obsessive compulsive disorder. The only reason I ask is that I have that disorder along with Bipolar...and I was curious since a few of the things that you describe sounda bit ritualistic in a way. Look it up and see what you think, but remember its not always textbook case. Not the "wash your hands" or "lock/unlock/ your door" type stuff that people usually associate with OCD. Mine is more like worrying about stuff and obsessive over what people think and the ways that I must do things. Not sure but it might fit your category. What do you think? I always worry about what i say to people, if they were offended, and it often goes overboard to the point where i make myself sick. However this is not paranaia persay, it is classified as Ocd, since i Obsess so much i guess.....good luck

     
    Old 12-13-2003, 08:26 PM   #8
    Lectus
    Senior Member
    (male)
     
    Lectus's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Nov 2002
    Location: Rhode Island
    Posts: 148
    Lectus HB User
    Re: A little story about (possible) paranoia

    Heh, seems I always reply late to this thread... Anyway, I'm doing a bit worse now, but less panicky. Although I'd trade panic for my mental numbness any day. Yeah, I think I may have had obsessive tendancies, still do to some extent. I have these habits where I'll pace around on a set, looping course and touch the same objects over and over again. It helps me focus. Right now I'm trying to figure out a way to combat my mental ickiness and stupidity, which is really kicking my butt right now with acquired dyslexia and just utter slowness. The obsessive stuff can wait for when I get my smarts back.

    Again, sorry for replying late.
    __________________
    In a way, doctors are worse than Lawyers; Lawyers can screw you with your own stupidity. Doctors screw you with their stupidity.

     
    Old 12-15-2003, 09:52 AM   #9
    HoosierBj
    Registered User
     
    Join Date: Apr 2002
    Posts: 1,032
    HoosierBj HB User
    Re: A little story about (possible) paranoia

    You may not be Bipolar ( I didn't catch any extreme mood swings in your story) but whatever it is you may have (you're awfully hard on yourself, Lectus! Harder than anyone else would be!) I think you have a real gift for writing.
    It was like I was right there in your life as you were describing school, work, etc.
    Can you develop that talent a bit with a creative writing class at a nearby college?

    It's amazing what feeding a talent can do for the rest of you...

     
    Old 12-15-2003, 05:01 PM   #10
    Lectus
    Senior Member
    (male)
     
    Lectus's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Nov 2002
    Location: Rhode Island
    Posts: 148
    Lectus HB User
    Re: A little story about (possible) paranoia

    Thank you hoosier, but that WAS written quite a while ago... and I feel I've deteriorated since then. Maybe it's because of lack of practice, or because of physical/mental conditions affecting my cognition or a combination of both. The bottom line is that now I'm just an average thinker and writer. My memory is bad, so that makes it hard to be original or creative. It's definitely not easy when you have trouble keeping even just the small considerations in perspective. The funny thing is that all these problems seemed to start just as I was considering an attempt to get published. It totally stripped away my confidence and my willingness to do pretty much anything but rant on my condition and freak wondering what was wrong with me. Guess it doesn't help that I lost most of my friends by confiding in them. hehe, sorry. I don't mean to sound pitiful.
    __________________
    In a way, doctors are worse than Lawyers; Lawyers can screw you with your own stupidity. Doctors screw you with their stupidity.

     
    Closed Thread

    Related Topics
    Thread Thread Starter Board Replies Last Post
    Schizophrenia or just Paranoia randee02 Schizophrenia 19 05-07-2009 05:30 AM
    my story and a question. (can SZ go away?) sophiajmb Schizophrenia 3 04-07-2007 01:48 PM
    Is it possible to be diagnosed with Bipolar and ??? Sternomaniac Bipolar Disorder 11 08-08-2006 12:31 PM
    Is it normal to always be shaking a little? bull69 General Health 9 03-11-2006 04:05 PM
    Paranoia and Stress Bob A Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy (RSD) (CRPS) 14 09-11-2003 12:04 PM
    Xanax (Alprazalom) A Regular Guy's Story Hope_Abounds Addiction & Recovery 24 07-26-2003 01:11 PM




    Thread Tools Search this Thread
    Search this Thread:

    Advanced Search

    Posting Rules
    You may not post new threads
    You may not post replies
    You may not post attachments
    You may not edit your posts

    BB code is On
    Smilies are On
    [IMG] code is Off
    HTML code is Off
    Trackbacks are Off
    Pingbacks are Off
    Refbacks are Off




    Sign Up Today!

    Ask our community of thousands of members your health questions, and learn from others experiences. Join the conversation!

    I want my free account

    All times are GMT -7. The time now is 10:13 PM.





    © 2020 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved.
    Do not copy or redistribute in any form!