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More problems at school

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Old 10-19-2006, 09:52 AM   #1
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: kentucky
Posts: 47
tylersmom29 HB User
Angry More problems at school

My son just started a new med called abilify and has been on it for about a week and a half now. He seems to be doing really well on it. I can tell a big diffrece in his attitude and moods. The only thing is I am still having problems with the school. His resource teacher sent home a behavior chart for him and wrote on that if I had any questions to let her know. Well I sent a note and asked that they should add some postive things to the chart instead of all negitive things and the women told me that after talking it over with his other teachers she said that he needs the negitive more than the postives to get him to be responsblie and do what he needs to do. I lost it and I am about at the end of my rope with these people. I do not understand why they act this way. I do however make sure that my feelings toward the teacher are not projected in front my son But I can't help but wonder if when he gets to school because we are at odds do they treat him badly? I know that they should not but it still bothers me. I want everyone to know that I am doing all I can to support my child and that is what the focus of my energy is toward . I make sure he goes to all his doctor appointments, sees his theipist regularally and also he has a Impact worker (someone who works with the child and the parents teachers and schools to get things done)I feel like I am doing all the right things and getting nowhere. However now that he has a impact worker I am hoping that things improve because I have someone on my childs side. I just wonder if other parents go through the same thing. I don't try to use my sons disablity as a crutch I just think that he should be treated fairly after all it is not his fault he is disabled and i am sure if it were a perfect world he would not be. I am so upset over this and anything you can offer as far as adivice would be so wonderful. Thanks so much for listening. Tylersmom

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Old 10-19-2006, 11:27 PM   #2
Senior Veteran
Join Date: Oct 2001
Location: quincy, wa, usa
Posts: 778
kiehn HB User
Re: More problems at school

Hi Tylers Mom,
An aquantance of mine has had similiar problems with the school her son attends, however he is not disabled in any manner. The school brought in a psychologist and was told the child was picking up on the teachers vibes and feeling towards him so he was rebelling. The school was told to clean up their act. Could be a factor to consider. Have you condisered talking to this impact worker and asking his or her opinion on how the school/teachers atttudes/demenor can be turned around, possibly a fresh start in another class, or a reward system, bringing in a psychologist into the school to evalute their approach without allienating the school even more. Another thing to consider is most teachers are not educated on how to hand children with discorders like this. Maybe some education materials/tips from a psychologist would be helpful. Below is a good example to show this disorder needs postive verbal feedback because negative feeds negative, postive feeds postive. Good Luck, Sue

**************************************** ************

Best Things to Say To Someone Who is Depressed

It is most tempting, when you find out someone is depressed, to attempt to immediately fix the problem. However, until the depressed person has given you permission to be their therapist (as a friend or professional), the following responses are more likely to help. Acknowledge my depression for what it is (No 'it's just a phase') and give permission for them to feel depressed (No 'but why should you be sad?')


Here is the list from contributors to a.s.d. and Pendulum:

"You're not alone in this"
"I'm not going to leave/abandon you"
"Do you want a hug?"
"I love you (if you mean it)."
"You are important to me."
"If you need a friend... (and mean it)"
"It will pass, we can ride it out together."
"When all this is over, I'll still be here (if you mean it) and so will you."
"Don't say anything, just hold my hand and listen while I cry."
"All I want to do now is give you a hug and a shoulder to cry on.."
"Hey, you're not crazy!"
"May the strength of the past reflect in your future."
"We are not primarily on earth to see through one another, but to see one another through" - (from someone's SIG)
"If the human brain were simple enough to understand, we'd be too simple to understand it." - a codeveloper of Prozac, quoted from "Listening to Prozac"
"You have so many extraordinary gifts--how can you expect to live an ordinary life?" - from the movie "Little Women" (Marmee to Jo)
"I'm sorry you're in so much pain. I am not going to leave you. I am going to take care of myself so you don't need to worry that your pain might hurt me."
"I listen to you talk about it, and I can't imagine what it's like for you. I just can't imagine how hard it must be."
"I can't really fully understand what you are feeling, but I can offer my compassion."
"Depression is like a very dark storm... you are in the middle of the storm now and can't see your way out... but it will get better. One day you will be able to turn around and see that the storm has passed..."
"I'm sorry you're having to go through this, I care about you and care that you are hurting.
"I'll be your friend no matter what so it's okay to talk about your feelings-- it'll make you feel better."
"With friends, joy is multiplied and sorrow divided."
"I cannot understand the pain you're in, I cannot feel it. But hold onto my hand while you walk through this storm, and I'll do my very very best to keep you from slipping away."
"Keep kicking against the darkness until it bleeds daylight." - Bruce Cockburn
"I'm never going to say 'I know how you feel' unless I truly do, but if I can do anything to help, I will."

**************************************** *********

Worst Things to Say To Someone Who is Depressed

Some people trivialize depression (often unintentionally) by dropping a platitude on a depressed person as if that is the one thing they needed to hear. While some of these thoughts have been helpful to some people (for example, some find that praying is very helpful), the context in which they are often said mitigates any intended benefit to the hearer. Platitudes don't cure depression.


This list was started years ago from contributors to a.s.d.

"You just need to give yourself a kick in the rear."
"But it's all in your mind."
"As you get stronger you won't have to wallow in it as much."
"Pull yourself up by your bootstraps."
"Do you feel better now?" (Usually said following a five minute conversation in which the speaker has asked me "what's wrong?" and "would you like to talk about it?" with the best of intentions, but absolutely no understanding of depression as anything but an irrational sadness.)
"Why don't you just grow up?"
"Stop feeling sorry for yourself."
"There are a lot of people worse off than you?"
"You have it so good, why aren't you happy?"
"It's a beautiful day!"
"What do you have to be depressed about".
"Happiness is a choice"
"You think *you've* got problems..."
"Maybe you should take vitamins for your stress."
"Lighten up!"
"Why can't you just be normal?"
"Things aren't *that* bad, are they?"
"Have you been praying/reading the Bible?"
"You need to get out more."
"We have to get together some time." [Yeah, right!]
"Get a grip!"
"Take a hot bath. That's what I always do when I'm upset."
"Well, everyone gets depressed sometimes!"
"You don't *look* depressed!"
"You never think of anyone but yourself."
"You're just looking for attention."
"Have you got PMS?"
"You'll be a better person because of it!"
"You should buy nicer clothes to wear."
"Why don't you smile more?"
"The only one you're hurting is yourself."
"You can do anything you want if you just set your mind to it."
"Depression is a symptom of your sin against God."
"You brought it on yourself"
"Why should I care?"
"Snap out of it, will you?"
"You *want* to feel this way."
"You have no reason to feel this way."
"Its your own fault."
"That which does not kill us makes us stronger."
"You're always worried about *your* problems."
"Just don't think about it."
"Go Away."
"You don't have the ability to do it."
"Go out and have some fun!"
"You're making me depressed as well..."
"I just want to help you."
"Just try a little harder!"
"Believe me, I know how you feel. I was depressed once for several days."
"You need a boy/girl-friend."
"You need a hobby."
"Just pull yourself together"
"You'd feel better if you went to church"
"I think your depression is a way of punishing us." ---My mother
"What you need is some real tragedy in your life to give you perspective."
This one is best executed with an evangelical-style handshake,i.e. one of my hands is imprisoned by two belonging to a beefy person who thinks he has a lot more charisma than I do: "Our thoughts and prayers are with you." This has actually happened to me. Bitten-back response: "Who are 'our'? And don't do me any favors, schmuck."
"Have you tried camomile tea?"
"So, you're depressed. Aren't you always?"
"Oh, perk up!"
"Try not being so depressed."
"Quit whining. Go out and help people and you won't have time to brood..."
"Go out and get some fresh air... that always makes me feel better."
"Why don't you give up going to these quacks (ie doctors) and throw out those pills, then you'll feel better."
"You should join band or chorus or something. That way you won't be thinking about yourself so much."
"You don't like feeling that way? So, change it."
"I want the old (Insert name) back. I don't like the way you are now."
"You're a real downer to be around. I don't think I can handle the way you are now."
"Maybe you just need to go to church more often."
"Why don't you just get a part time job: you would feel so much better."
"You are draining your family."
"You are embarrassing me."
"How much longer will it take for you to get out on your own."
"I know others who have overcome the same illness and they are holding down jobs: so what's holding you up?"
"You'd feel better if you lost some weight."
"You're too hard on yourself - quit being such a perfectionist and you'll find some of your stress goes away."
"Chill out!"
"Keep it to yourself!"
"Don't take it out on everyone else around you!"
"I am sick of hearing about your depression, we all have our own problems to deal with!"
"You are going to lose a lot of friends if you don't snap out of this!"
"Keep your chin up!"
"You're dragging me down with you. You're so depressing that I get depressed."
"I can't live in the insanity any more."
"You're just being immature."
"I need to see some consistency in your behavior."
"When I get home from work tomorrow, I don't want you to be here."
"Maybe you shouldn't try to take on so much - having it all is just a myth - I know I wouldn't work if I didn't have to."
"I want someone that is strong."
"You are your own worst enemy."
"That is life, you have to get used to it."
"My life isn't fun either."
"I can't deal with your attitude anymore."
"You don't care about the rest of us - you're so self absorbed."
"Why are you being such a *****?"
"How do you think you're making ME feel right now?"
"Put your HRT patch on!"
"Maybe it's because of your diet."
"A walk always cheers me up."
"Are you sure this isn't a spiritual problem?"
"Wadda ya like on your pizza? Three Stooges for a DVD? Be right back."
[daedalus: "Three Stooges is kewl; white with fresh garlic, basil and a sprinkling of sensitivity." =:-O
"You seem so intelligent, I don't think you have a problem at all."

Last edited by kiehn; 10-19-2006 at 11:42 PM.

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