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Not depressed - who am I?

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Old 10-26-2006, 07:19 AM   #1
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loopyturtle HB User
Question Not depressed - who am I?

I have just recently pulled out of my depression after taking a new med. I've had that shadow pulling me down for a long, long time. Since grade school, I think.

I think I expected that if this ever happened that everything would be great and I would be able to jump back into life and love it. This is a wonderful thing, yet I have encountered a problem: It has been such a long time that I find myself sort of not really knowing who I am or should be. This bubbly and social creature seems to be such a foreign person. I almost feel as if I'm not being me -- maybe false.

Change is always difficult, good or bad. Of course I also worry that it won't last and I will feel even worse after experiencing the contrast. Still, the most challenging aspect is that I feel so adrift.

Comments, suggestions, insights? Anyone been through something similar?

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Old 10-26-2006, 08:27 AM   #2
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: scotland, uk
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xxxzoexxx HB User
Re: Not depressed - who am I?

this is what i posted today on the depression board:

Originally Posted by xxxzoexxx
I have realised somthing. I think quite alot of people, including myself, Sort of reject happiness when it comes. For me if i feel good one day unexpectantly, it's hard for me to come to terms with the change, so it's as if i'm looking for somthing negative to push me into depression again. I'm not saying it is our fault that we're depressed, but i think that Alot of us do this subconsbciencly. One of the best things to remeber i feel, is to never reject happiness. It can almost it, be scary to come to terms with feeling well again, but if you feel it, even for only one day, it's possible to feel it for longer and longer. Just ask your self why you're letting your self feel bad. Do things to keep your mind off negative thoughts. If your brain learns new ways of dealing, then it will stick to it. Just keep the concentration. Concentrate on being happy. try this please. It's helping me.
basically, yes i know change is hard and scary, but push your self to stay happy. What you have acheived is amazing. don't let the fear of change and the oddness of your new feelings destroy your new found happiness, you can do it!

Old 10-27-2006, 04:47 PM   #3
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munchie11 HB User
Re: Not depressed - who am I?

Dear loopyturtle

I found myself in the same situation. I felt I just didn't know who I was anymore. I couln't remember what I used to do that I enjoyed, and my old ways were not working for me anymore. I had to learn new ways of living and find new things to do that I enjoyed. Now that I feel really well I realize that I'm not the old me again, but I have found a new me.

Old 10-30-2006, 04:15 PM   #4
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loopyturtle HB User
Re: Not depressed - who am I?

Thanks so much for the encouragement, munchie

The thought about finding a new person makes sense. Especially since the depression hit so early in life.

I get scared, though. Even when I'm enjoying myself, I worry that I'm not being real. Does that make sense?

Old 10-30-2006, 06:16 PM   #5
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Join Date: Jun 2005
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twoeyez HB Usertwoeyez HB User
Re: Not depressed - who am I?

Loopy :

Sometimes it is just a positive thing to review what you have said in the past :

On 6/26/2005 you said: "I bounced around for several years into and out of the hospital and various programs. A few different dx's had been suggested, but bipolar was almost always in the mix. Finally I ended up at a pdoc's office and on the first visit told him that I had been told I might be bipolar but that I knew I definately was not. He said 'Okay, you might be correct, so we'll go with that for now . . .' and prescribed a mood stabilizer.

A few months later I was back in his office after quitting meds (again) and royally screwing up my and my new husbands life. This time he told me that he thought it was time to revisit the subject of being bipolar and proceeded to lay out for me all of the many reasons why I fit the dx. Then put me back on the mood stabilizer . . .

He was the first pdoc that managed to get me anywhere close to stability. He was always very direct, honest and recognized that I had a mind as well. Boy, do I miss him . . . Someday I'll have insurance again.

Now,you say (10/26/2006) :
Change is always difficult, good or bad. Of course I also worry that it won't last and I will feel even worse after experiencing the contrast. Still, the most challenging aspect is that I feel so adrift.

Perhaps, over the last year and half, you are starting to realize that you can,in fact,take over on your life and find stability.

I am sorry to bring up your past posts. However, I just feel that you have the final knowledge within yourself to acheive stability. You need to know that the power comes within you.

A year and a half of posting about it,seems to prove that point


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