My 16 Year Old Son.

goody2shuz

((((HUGS)))) to you Jeanne Wow, you do have an awful lot going on at one time and I am so sorry that you have your son to worry about as well as yourself. But this could be a good thing as well.....I know how could I even say such a thing but there is a good way to look at this situation.

Okay, you have Bipolar and so does your son....of course it would be better if the two of you didn't, but hey, we can't change things we can only take what we've got and do our best to make it better. Our kids need our strength and for us to give them hope. You have the power to give that gift to your son who right now seems to think that he has no hope or anything to look forward to.

It is so important that you become proactive for both your son and yourself at this time. You need to find the best adolescent psychiatrist in your area....one who specifically deals with Bipolar and has a strong neuropharmacology background. I believe that you said that you are seeing a psychiatrist right now and trying to find the right meds for yourself. Have you inquired with him about a recommendation for your son?? If not it is time that you did.

You mustn't sit on this....it is important to get your son on meds as soon as possible. The antidepressants will only make things worse...in fact they trigger manic episodes and increase suicidal attempts particularly in adolescents. I know because that is exactly what hapened with my daughter. You son needs to be on a mood stabilizer as well as an antipsychotic before even thinking about an antidepressant.

My 15 year old daughter was recently diagnosed with Bipolar and before she was properly diagnosed we didn't know what was going on. Like you son, she was being treated for depression. Within 7 months we had 3 hospitalizations, self injury, 3 suicide attempts, 2 runaways, a Child Protective Service Investigation, an arrest for shoplifting $400 worth of merchandise while I was shopping with her and her sneaking a boy up into her room in the middle of the night having sex for the first time while we slept!!! It was like living a nightmare and so unlike her and she became somebody we barely even knew and all seeming to happen overnight. She was an honor student, warm and sensitive young lady who all of a sudden was so angry, frustrated and almost impossible to live with. Who would have known she was Bipolar....we thought it might be a rebellious teen who got mixed up with the wrong crowd. She had a great circle of friends and while this all was going on she dorpped them and found the worst kids you possibly could hang out with. Depsite my telling the psychiatrist that things seemed only to be getting worse he only upped the antidepressants and added Concerta claiming it would curve her impulsivity. Little did he know that this is what triggered a manic episode (the shoplifting, threatening to kill herself, running away, 2 more hospitalizations) and finally another suicide attempt.

Finally our big break came...the judge she went before regarding her shoplifting incident mandated that she be admitted to a state Childrens Psychiatric Center to have a thorough evaluation. And it was then that we received the proper diagnosis of Bipolar and treatment that gave our daughter back to us. It wasn't easy, she was hospitalized for 10 weeks, her entire summer, but to us it was worth it for we had accomplished more in those 10 weeks than we had in over 7 months seeing therapists and psychiatrists and trying antidepressants that only made things worse.

I never knew anything about Bipolar until my daughter was diagnosed. Who would have known that my grandmother's history of manic depression as well as alcoholism combined with my husband's father being an alcoholic and two brothers having drug/alcohol addictions would genetically put my daughter at risk for having Bipolar. But once we knew what we were dealing with it was so much of a relief.....it was the not knowing that made things so much worse.

The good thing is that Bipolar is treatable and the sooner it is treated the better. When the pyschiatrist discussed the meds and I saw how strong they were and questioned her about their safety the psychiatrist told me one thing and that was that an unmedicated person with Bipolar is much more at risk in terms of his/her own safety than a medicated one. And she was right....if we left my daughter untreated I am convinced that she would either be incarcerated, a drug addict or perhaps even dead!! And that scares me more than this disorder or any meds that she would ever be on.

So my daughter went through many trials of meds....some she developed allergies to and others didn't help but finally it seems we found a good combo which is Seroquel and Lamictal. I like this combo because although both help with the manic and depressive components, they are two meds that help more with the depressive side and so far we have not even needed to use an antidepressant.

So Jeanne, now is the time for you to rise up and be a mom. First and foremost, you must show your son that being Bipolar is not the end of the world...being undiagnosed and untreated IS far worse. Like they say, you must put on your own oxygen mask before you can assist another....you need to aggressively get yourself stabilized on the right meds and show your son that there is hope in having this disorder. But at the same time you cannot sit on having your son treated....it is imperative that you get him the treatment NOW. Each day he is left untreated is another day that he is left to the instability that this disorder brings into our lives. To me, I wish we had known better and had those 7 months back that were such horror to my daughter but I am so happy that we finally have some stability. It didn't happen overnight and there were times I didn't even think it would happen, but to hear her say just recently, "Mom, I think that I finally got my self esteem back....I actually like myself now." That was the day that I knew that I had my daughter back after the disorder took her away and had finally found stability.

So, Jeanne, I am here to tell you mom to mom that there is hope....but it won't come unless you go after it and decide that you are not going to allow this disorder to take your life away....you are going to find the right doctor and meds to give you and your son your lives back again.

The best thing you can do for yourself and your son is to get as many books as you can and read about Bipolar and once you have an understanding of it you will have the power to get better. Fear breeds chaos but knowledge brings strength and power to overcome even the greatest of obstacles.

Bring your son to a psychiatrist ASAP....he needs to be properly diagnosed and treated. Tell him that everything is going to be okay and that you are going to find him the help that he needs to feel better about his life.

Come here anytime that you need support for yourself or your son. YOU have more of an incentive now to get yourself better.....for a mother will do ust about anything to save her child even if it means showing them the way.

(((HUGS))) ~ Goody

tsohl

Hello and welcome to the board,

Goody pretty much laid out what I was thinking about saying to you.
I think you will find that when your son is properly medicated, the problems he has been having in school will lessen or entirely go away.

I am sorry your husband reacted the way he did. I suggest you give your husband some of those books Goody mentioned so he can become educated about bipolar disorder in adolescents. Your son needs help and the sooner the better. It may take some trial and error but a good pdoc will be able to find the right med or mix of meds for your son that will allow him to regain stability and health.

Good luck and please keep us posted.
Kind regards,
Tsohl

jricci

Hi Goody and Tsohl,

Thanks so much for reaching out to me and sharing such wonderful insight and talking to me "mom to mom". I so need that desperately right now. I feel very alone with it all.

My psychiatrist has an excellent doctor that he works with whose specialty is exactly as you said above in your post Goody. He is going to be seen as soon as possible. I am so utterly relieved at this point just for that big step in the right direction.

Everyday I hurt so badly inside for him. Right now he's been quite predictable. Although he is quiet he's going to school, doing his assignments, and working his part-time job as well as skateboarding with friends. I just sit and wait for the ball to drop! I just don't know how much he's packing inside ya know? For instance last week he was extremely mean, agitated,negative and while sitting at the computer I noticed his knees bouncing a million miles per minute unable to keep them still. This lasted for about 3 days and then he went into "autopilot" where he's at now.

I know the therapist is helping him a great deal at this time and we're going back there on Mon. afternoon. He's got very mixed feeling about taking meds (he doesn't want to!!!) and says that he is fine now. I asked and what happenes the next time that you hit rock bottom low?! He said, "I don't know". I told him that wasn't acceptable.

I have been showing him daily through my actions that getting treatment and meds leads to a much better sense of self as well as a much better quality of life.

Hugs all, you guys and gals here are so wonderful! I thank you from the very bottom of my heart.

tsohl

That's wonderful that your son is getting help from someone who understands bipolar and adolescents. My son, who is now 25, went through high school dealing with things on his own. He was self-medicating (mainly pot) in an attempt to control how he was feeling and to try to maintain some control over his life. He actually continued doing this all through college as well. He was successful as long as he wasn't under too much stress -- but since he was undiagnosed, the episodes got worse and worse and he had to use drugs more often, and then started using stronger drugs. After he graduated and had his first apartment, and was working his first 8-5 job with lots of stress, he fell apart and came close to overdosing. He lost the job when they found out he'd been in the psych hospital for a weekend. It was all a major drama...but he got help and is doing very well now. If we had been able to nip it in the bud, so to speak, back in high school, we could have spared him years of suffering.

Please make your son realize that with your family history, his diagnosis is probably accurate...and if he is bipolar, if left untreated, his life will be a roller coaster. As he gets older, the episodes will become more severe and will increase in frequency. All this is not necessary as bipolar disorder is treatable. After he accepts the reality, he will get used to taking his meds...and his life can go on. After he is medicated awhile, he, too will see that his life is better. And kudos to you for leading by example!!

jricci

Hi Tsohl and all,

Each day I watch him closely and keep track of things so to speak. I've started journaling his moods to help the doctors with this. I've also spoken with his guidance counselor as well as his IEP teacher at school and made them aware of the situation.

It certainly explains many of his difficulties with classes this past 2-3 years. By his own estimates he started to "feel" like this while in the 7th or 8th grade! Until recently he never, ever had any disciplinary actions taken against him. (putting the plastic bag over his head)

He's been putting up a very good fron so I am so extremely cautious now.

I'll keep you up to date. Thanks a million for all of the kindness and support.

Jeanne

tsohl

Hi Jeanne,

Sounds like you have made a good start in finding help for your son.
There are several moms on this board who have children the same age as your son. Please keep reading and posting as questions and thoughts develop. I think you will find this board to be a good source for information and support. Good luck as you move forward! Tsohl

langlee

Hi Jeanne,

I just wanted to introduce myself and to tell you that I, too, have a 16 year old son with bipolar. I'll write more later, but I can relate to much of what you have said. Please keep posting. We are all here to support each other and our children and I am so glad you have joined us!

Hope

jricci

Hi Hope,

I thank you for stopping by and introducing yourself. I'll check back later and cannot wait to read more from another facing similar. It's great to have all of this support. It's been a tremendous help to me alreay.

Jeanne

tsohl

Hi Jeanne,

When you have time you can click on Hope's name and go to "other posts by Hopealways", click on that and it will show you all the posts from Hope. You can go back and read from the beginning where she was "introducing" her story with her son, Zac. You might want to skim through most of the posts, but might find something that is similar to what's going on with your son.

There has been a little group of moms that have teens going through similar things at similar times (me being the exception; my son is a bit older so I can share what we already went through....); these posts go back through at least June, if not earlier. Others chime in too, but for the most part those with teens are Goody, Hope, Jules and Pippin, who has been otherwise occupied lately....and me.

jricci

Hiya Tsohl,

Thanks so much, learning something new here everyday!

Jeanne

langlee

Jeanne-

Some times it is hard to keep all of these threads going, but there is a long thread called "Our children still bipolar...." that has several mothers on it. Be sue to check that one, too.

Hope

langlee

Actually, it's called "Our Bipolar Kids - Finding the Light at the End of the Tunnel" (or at least that's closer!)

Hope

jricci

Hi Hope,

Thanks I've found several of them and also some others that another member had tipped me off on and begun reading them.

Jeanne