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    Old 09-06-2007, 02:55 PM   #16
    Paige1989
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    Re: Best Wishes to Paige at the start of Senior Year

    Wow, today went surprisingly well. I mean, I woke up with a good attitude and it seemed to have lasted me all day. Still no backpack, but the old one works. Philosophy went well. We got our textbooks and all. And he has an interesting concept - one I LOVE - that he didn't use during the first class. At the beginning of class, he has us just take a minute and completely detox ourselves from all outside information so we can focus at the task at hand. Helps me a lot. And he's also my psych teacher so I gave him the Bipolar letter thingy and just circled the pertinent information (i.e. the acommodations I need and not the whole symptom list)...Then AP Lit. and I gave her the letter and she actually has a daughter with BP so that made that one easy as well.

    Then Spanish. >.< I thought it'd be my easy class seeing as it was a Level I in a language and I generally excell in languages...but this teacher is from Spain and they must do things differently there because Level I to him is about Level III to us. :S He's like, NO English the classroom. Period. Scary concept seeing as we know NO Spanish yet. *Rolls eyes* But I had taken my Ativan by then so it didn't stress me too much....And Psychology is great. He does the same thing he does in Philosophy with the minute of relaxation type thing. So overall, the day ended on a pretty good note. Homework, yes, but it's not due until Monday. ^^ That's the only benefit of Block Scheduling. Tonight, all I have to do is study for a gov't quiz...Second day of class and having a quiz that we don't know exactly what it'll be on except for about four questions...Not sure what I'm up against. :S

    So aside from a little overstimulation in the halls (which is bound to happen anyway), my stress level was down and thus no anxiety attacks. As much as I miss caffeine, I think that coming off that combined with being on a working Seroquel dosage is really working right now. I'm able to look at things in a perspective that I haven't been able to see for a while. My goal is to keep that stable through the end of the school year. XD

    Hope Erin and Zac are doing well.

    ~~Paige
    __________________
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    I'm not crazy ~ I'm mentally interesting!

    Last edited by Paige1989; 09-07-2007 at 04:08 AM.

     
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    Old 09-06-2007, 03:34 PM   #17
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    Re: Best Wishes to Paige at the start of Senior Year

    Hi,
    Happy belated first day of school! It sounds like things are going well. I am so excited for you. First days are scary(mine was) but it sounds like you are handling it well. I do have a suggestion. For the first few weeks of school my teachers agreed to let me out a minute or two before the bell so I didn't have to deal with the hectic hallways. The teachers all were cool with it. Just a suggestion.
    Good luck on the future school days,
    Steamroll
    P.S sorry about your bookbag.

     
    Old 09-06-2007, 07:40 PM   #18
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    Re: Best Wishes to Paige at the start of Senior Year

    Hi Paige,
    Congrats on a great day at school. It sounds like you have some good classes and a great attitude. I have a feeling this is going to be a terrific year for you.
    Lor

     
    Old 09-06-2007, 07:46 PM   #19
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    Re: Best Wishes to Paige at the start of Senior Year

    I'll second Lor's good wishes. Good for you, Paige. May the days ahead all be like today.

    Love,

    Hope

     
    Old 09-06-2007, 10:41 PM   #20
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    Re: Best Wishes to Paige at the start of Senior Year

    glad things are going fairly well.

    your spanish class sounds like my high school french class as far as the "no english" part. it all turned out okay, if we didn't know how to say something we just asked the teacher "common dit on" (how do you say) and then whatever we wanted to say...then she'd tell us and we'd do our best to repeat it. i loved french. i ended up in it all four years. it was good times :-)

     
    Old 09-07-2007, 04:14 AM   #21
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    Re: Best Wishes to Paige at the start of Senior Year

    Steamroll -
    I'd do that...except most of my classes I need literally every minute I can get...Usually I just wait until the hallways clear a bit before joining the mob scene because it doesn't take six minutes to get to my classes...I mean, maybe in Freshman year, but I know the school by now. How's school going for you?

    Cylcomaniac -
    Yeah, I love French as well. I took four years of it, but it wasn't until the third year that she insisted in all French...somehow that never worked out, though, not even in the fourth year. :S I wanted to take AP, but I hate the teacher and I really don't want to tack on another AP.

    I've just kind of accepted that it's going to be another rollercoaster of a school year, but it might be a good one. One never knows.

    My tdoc wants to do some kind of contract thingy so I stay on schedule since I have a tendency to start out with good intentions and then go down hill. Stuff like keeping my routine, no caffeine, working two days max. at work, etc. *Shrug* I think I don't need it, but whatever she wants as Mom wants me to do it as well...I'll only do it if I have a copy for reference, though. >.>
    __________________
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    400mg. Lamictal
    600mg. Seroquel
    1mg. Klonopin
    0.5-1mg. Ativan
    I'm not crazy ~ I'm mentally interesting!

    Last edited by Paige1989; 09-07-2007 at 04:16 AM.

     
    Old 09-07-2007, 07:39 AM   #22
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    Re: Best Wishes to Paige at the start of Senior Year

    Hi, Paige....I am hoping that your day goes by smoothly and that you somehow come across that backpack of yours!! I never told you but Erin got her wallet back and in the most unbelievable way!!! She recalls last seeing it when she went to McDonalds possibley leaving it at the counter. It was the same McDonalds she use to work at and her ex BF's girfriend was working the register that she was at. After making lots of calls she still couldn't find it.

    Well on her first day of school this girl (her ex BF's girfriend) comes up to her with her ex BF and hands her the wallet!!! They all laughed and I guess it was good in the sense that it smoothed any ill feelings that they may have towards one another and took away the discomfort that she has when passing her ex BF in the halls. AND....all $150 was still in it!!!

    So....I have a feeling that your backpack will show up as well.

    I think the contract thingy may be good for you.....Erin didn't like it at first but when we had any conflict as to what we had agreed on doing it was easy for us to refer to it as a reminder of what goals we had set and her working towards them. Try it....you may find it will be just the thing to keep you on track!!

    Erin had a not so good day yesterday but it was good in the sense that it was insightful for her. She came home rather moody....I did my thing of not talking to her for the first 15 minutes and then allowing her to open up the conversation. Well she did when she took out the driver's ed paperwork for her to sign up. It is expensive $475 and if you miss any classes they provide a few makeups and if you don't make it then they can drop you. Also, Erin is having a tough time understanding that working 16 hours a week is too much to put on her plate with the 3 days/wk of driver's ed and preparing for her SAT's. The grocery store will not keep her on if she works any less than that. So she got upset about that insisting that she had to work next week which we told her we couldn't have her working because we wanted to go up to see Kait for her birthday since Erin had a four day weekend. I had even spoken to Erin's supervisor & manager as well about how 16 hours was oo much and asking if they would consider giving her less. They said no and I told them that she would let them know by the weekend what she intended to do but would finish up this week for them. Erin argued that her manager was putting her on the schedule for next week and that she couldn't leave on bad terms, which I agree with, but I made it clear that we would let her know by the weekend whether Erin would be staying on and not to schedule her.

    Well, Erin continued arguing and then got upset and started yelling and then crying. She even blurted something out about how we made her go to Virginia for nothing and have to take off when there was nothing wrong with Kait. I explained that was not the findings and she rolled her eyes...I didn't argue with her and she ran up to her room. She emerged and apologized saying that she had an argument with her BF and not such a good day. I KNEW that she also had her period and asked her if there was anything she could have done to avoid the argument with her BF as well as with me. She thought and said that she had forgotten that the pdoc had told her to take an extra 25mgs of Seroquel the week of her period and I agreed that it would make a big difference and not have her feeling so bad when she got a little offset by helping her through the week. She agreed. We went on to talk about her day and things got better.

    I was happy that she was able to gain some insight......this is why I am glad that I have these few years with her before she leaves home. With Kait I wasn't afforded that and I pray that she starts to feel well on the Lamictal and sees how her life could be better when stabilized.

    Well, Paige....you are a little ahead of my girls on the road and I only hope that they will attain half of your insight and courage to keep on working towards stability and maintaining it.

    Keep up the good work and I am hoping to hear that you had a GREAT day at school today.

    Love ~ Goody

     
    Old 09-07-2007, 02:51 PM   #23
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    Re: Best Wishes to Paige at the start of Senior Year

    Wow...made it through the first week with only one real glitch (the backpack thing)...Today went fairly smoothly...My sister, her friend, and I walked to school and my sister forgot her waterbottle so I bought her one from the cafeteria since I eat breakfast there and we HAVE to buy a drink to get the meal and I already had my own waterbottle. So that meant she had to spend time with both me AND my friends. And she found out that it wasn't so bad after all. XD

    But, this morning also had some anxiety-induced mania. I'd lost this sheet for government that I was SURE I knew where it was and we were having a quiz on it today. I have a friend in that class and I got to school and waited for her in the cafeteria, literally on pins and needles. She finally got there and I was trembling in anxiety/mania to get the information. As soon as I had the questions, I half-ran to the library to find the answers via Internet. After I had that done, I rushed BACK to the cafeteria because the food lines were still closed and Cortni still needed her water. So as I got there, the line opened up. It's never very busy in the mornings, but I still half-ran up and got my bagel and her water and was all set.

    From there I went to the library where I waited for the bell to go to homeroom went off and during this "Moment of Silence" we have to do, I totally detoxed all of the other stuff from my head like my Philosophy/Psychology teacher has us do and it brought me back down to earth. My morning went fairly well after that, but around 12:30 my best friend (who is my rock when I lose it) had to eat on a different lunch shift from now on due to switching classes around. As almost always, depression threatened to follow mania. However, it was mild and I managed to block it off because it would devastate my friend to know how upset it made me because she's in none of my classes and now I'll just see her in the mornings...last year, she was in four of my seven classes.

    But after that, everything was okay again and all of my teachers are understanding of the bipolar thing and at the end of the day, I touched base with my guidance counselor just so she knows that everything has calmed to a dull roar so she knows what's going on. Over all, I think I started school on a pretty good note and hopefully it'll all continue to run smoothly.

    As for Erin working 16 hours a week, I can sympthise - that's how much I was working as a sophomore, and generally it was four hour shifts on weekdays. :S But over the summer, there were budget cuts so I'm down to working 1-2 days a week even without asking for a cut on hours...Probably a good thing considering I know I'll have a good deal of homework this year. Less anxiety and all.

    Hopefully Erin's days will improve. ^_^ Any word about Zac, Hope?

    ~~Paige
    __________________
    Bipolar Ultradian Cycler
    400mg. Lamictal
    600mg. Seroquel
    1mg. Klonopin
    0.5-1mg. Ativan
    I'm not crazy ~ I'm mentally interesting!

     
    Old 09-07-2007, 05:23 PM   #24
    Paige1989
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    Re: Best Wishes to Paige at the start of Senior Year

    ...I should never get too comfortable with stability. The depression I with-held from earlier shot up a bit ago when I realised that the IMAX for HP5 is no longer showing and it's the third time Mom's sworn to take me and has yet to succeed....So I slipped. I cut...not deep, but deep enough to see blood. I know I shouldn't...but reasoning left me for a bit...I'm trying so hard to remain stable...No caffeine, following a routine schedule, everything...I feel like I'm such an awful person and I KNOW I shouldn't think like that, but my anxiety is up and my mood is down and it's not a good combination...Sorry about my senseless rambling...

    ~~Paige
    __________________
    Bipolar Ultradian Cycler
    400mg. Lamictal
    600mg. Seroquel
    1mg. Klonopin
    0.5-1mg. Ativan
    I'm not crazy ~ I'm mentally interesting!

     
    Old 09-08-2007, 03:03 PM   #25
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    Re: Best Wishes to Paige at the start of Senior Year

    Dear Paige,

    Oh no! I don't have to tell you that cutting is a BAD idea. Zac had a recent bout, too, but promise me you will find other stress relievers. His was one time, but it's such a dangerous path to cross.

    Do you have any meds you can take when you are particularly stressed out?

    Are you OK today?


    Love,

    Hope

     
    Old 09-08-2007, 04:48 PM   #26
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    Re: Best Wishes to Paige at the start of Senior Year

    Hey, Paige.....sorry I missed your latest post. Okay, you slipped up, we all do. The important thing is that you are able to come here and share it with us.

    Good thing it isn't deep and that you can perhaps allow us to help you not go there again. There's alot happening this week and we know how much you were looking forward to seeing HP5....I thought that you saw it already, didn't you??? Were you wanting to see it a second time or in the IMAX because it wasn't in that theatre???

    Please let us know if there is anything we can do to help. And please post and let us know that you are okay.

    Love & lots of (((((HUGS))))) ~ Goody

     
    Old 09-08-2007, 05:15 PM   #27
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    Re: Best Wishes to Paige at the start of Senior Year

    I'm better today...sleep helped tremendously, as did talking about the whole thing with a friend of mine who also has a self-harm history...Guess there was more stress last week than I thought there was, but I'll try to be more self-aware now. I'll figure it out, though. I'm working on other methods - I really need to come up with hobbies, but that's hard for me. I usually only read or write, but when I'm that upset, I can't concentrate on what I'm reading and I have no creativity to write...But I'll work on that.

    And Goody, I've seen it in regular theatres, but Mom promised IMAX...I saw Fantasia 2000 in IMAX and it was soooooo much cooler than regular theatres. I think that was just the straw that broke the camel's back, though...because as I thought about it, it was all week's pent up stress. 'Cause I didn't let myself breakdown at all during the first week of school, even when I needed a break, so it all came boiling out. Lesson learned, though, I guess.

    I'll try to use that Minute of Relaxation thing from my Philosophy/Psych teacher and see if that helps...

    ~~Paige
    __________________
    Bipolar Ultradian Cycler
    400mg. Lamictal
    600mg. Seroquel
    1mg. Klonopin
    0.5-1mg. Ativan
    I'm not crazy ~ I'm mentally interesting!

     
    Old 09-08-2007, 05:59 PM   #28
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    Re: Best Wishes to Paige at the start of Senior Year

    Paige,

    Keep you head up. Set backs happen. You have come so far and have so much to be proud of. How good a friend is the one you spoke with after you cut? Perhaps you can make a plan with her, a contract or a pact to call, text or email when you get the urge to harm yourself so you can talk things out before you harm. Get on the board and look for someone here to help you through the moment. I am glad you got some sleep. It is amazing how some shut eye can makes things look so much brighter.

    Keep posting and let us know how Monday goes.

    Cristina

     
    Old 09-08-2007, 06:23 PM   #29
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    Re: Best Wishes to Paige at the start of Senior Year

    My friend is a close friend, but she lives in England right now so we communicate via text. Generally, despite the time change, I can text her at any time and anticipate a text back (I think she keeps her phone on ring all night)...but last night, I ended up texting her AFTER I'd scratched myself up...But we're basically each other's support systems. Sometimes I just need to take a step back and remember to text her first, but impulsivity sometimes takes over first...Thanks for all of your support, Goody, Hope, Christina. It helps quite a bit.

    ~~Paige
    __________________
    Bipolar Ultradian Cycler
    400mg. Lamictal
    600mg. Seroquel
    1mg. Klonopin
    0.5-1mg. Ativan
    I'm not crazy ~ I'm mentally interesting!

     
    Old 09-09-2007, 01:39 PM   #30
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    Re: Best Wishes to Paige at the start of Senior Year

    Paige,

    I'm just brainstorming here, but I think if you have an urge to self-injure, you should immediately take yourself out of your enviornment. Go outside, go to another room, call a friend, but try to break the cycle to help control the impulsivity. There is nothing worse than being alone, being in the mindset to self-injure, and having the "freedom" to do it.

    I have no idea if that will help or not, but I think breaking the negative cycle seems to make sense. What do you think?

    xxx
    Hope

     
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