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BP and Lying

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Old 07-24-2008, 10:10 AM   #1
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Milwaukee, WI - USA
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jjb009 HB User
BP and Lying

I was diagnosed years ago (I don't even remember how long ago). I have been medicated for years and seemingly alright. My problem is this, I have a lovely wife and three children - however I still cycle now and again and when I do cycle I

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I can't really think rationally - I know right from wrong but it is never even a consideration (this along with a host of other issues).

The last two times I have run up our credit cards ($1000 to $2000) and I know it is wrong but at the moment of purchase I don't seem to care. I know it sounds odd, but then again maybe it isn't.

While the debt is an issue the real problem is this – while this is going on I lie about everything and even though in moments of reflection I know that I am going to get caught I still don't seem to care. It has got to the point where it is really impacting my marriage and while I love my wife and am very sorry I can understand her losing patience with me and just becoming very frustrated in general.

I would hate for my marriage to end and the topic has been mentioned – however I just don't know what to do. I am so sorry after the fact but can't seem to control myself.

I know the answer seems to be an increase in my meds (lamictal) and while that seems to help the cycling comes back every now and again. I am more or less if any one else has issues like this? and if so, how do you and your family deal with it?

It really creates a lot of trust issues along with hard feelings and anger.

I really am sorry...

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Old 07-24-2008, 08:24 PM   #2
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Join Date: Feb 2005
Posts: 1,915
seaturtle HB User
Re: BP and Lying

Perhaps you're in mania and just don't have your usual conscience - obviously you don't seem to have much control, and that you don't really care when you're doing it must be alarming. It is part of bp.

But I know that repeated betrayal in a marriage can certainly wreck it. I'd go right away and ask for major help from your pdoc and your therapist, if you have one. There are also ways to learn to spot these swings before they get bad.

I hope you can end these behaviours, for I know indeed that they could wreck you marraige.


Someone said to me once: "An apology doesn't mean anything if you don't change your behaviour. If you repeat the same hurtful behavious and then say you're sorry, it ceases to count with the other person."

Old 07-25-2008, 07:56 AM   #3
Join Date: Mar 2008
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katlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB User
Re: BP and Lying

I agree with Sea Turtle...

You know it's interesting my Pdoc just told me yesterday that the true meaning of Insanity is that you do things over and over again, but expect a different outcome each time....of course this was in a different context....but it still seems to apply to our BP highs and lows.

Old 07-25-2008, 08:40 AM   #4
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Location: Falls of Rough, KY
Posts: 543
Jenn4508 HB UserJenn4508 HB User
Re: BP and Lying

I understand how much you must be hurting when you stop to think about all this... I hope I don't offend you in anyway whatsoever as I too was diagnosed with BP 1 after many years of misdiagnoses... I don't believe my BP is under control yet after 2 years but I am still trying....

I understand your concern about the lying but if you think about it, the bigger picture here is the spending money which is a signal that you are in a manic episode... Have you talked to your doc about this because I think you said you have done this before?

Have you ever thought about giving all your credit and debit cards and checks to your wife and only have cash that she knows about? I know that it may feel like she is babysitting your money but it may make her feel like you are truly sorry and are trying to make changes... On the other hand, she needs to understand that you really don't have control over this when these urges hit.... I have read alot of books about BP and these are some of the suggestions that they make when it looks like someone is starting to go into a manic episode... It even goes as far as to take car keys away... I know with me that a manic episode can hit before I even know it is here or maybe I just refuse to see the signs of one coming on...

Please talk to your doc... maybe you need an increase in your med or maybe need something added or a change in med altogether...

I wish you all the best, hang in there... Jenn

Old 07-30-2008, 04:05 AM   #5
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Florida USA
Posts: 4
prettybbw HB User
Re: BP and Lying

I'm having the same problem with money too the last bank closed my account down because i didn't handle it good. My husbands not bipolar but he expects me to pay all the bills and its driving me nuts! He now has a credit card company garnishing his wages! but i never used his credit card thats his own fault! but yes we all tell fibs now and then because of our bipolar gets us into trouble sometimes!

Old 08-01-2008, 07:15 PM   #6
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: calif
Posts: 2
CaliKat61 HB User
Re: BP and Lying

how do you and your family deal with it?

After 27 years of marriage, my husband was recently diagnosed with BP, only after going on a major lying/spending spree. I only wish it was in the $1000 to $2000 range, as was yours. It's closer to $100,000. We're having to put our home on the market, hoping that in this crappy market, that it will sell and we'll get some money out of it (to pay off some of his expenditures), as well as not being able to finish paying for our son's college. I wish I could say he was through spending, but just a week ago he lied to me about taking money out of his 401K account. How do I and the family deal with it? Some days I cry a lot, I'm seeing a therapist weekly, I've cut the credit cards, my youngest son hates his dad, and I'm seriously contemplating pursuing some career (after not working in over 20 years to raise my family) because I'm afraid I won't be left with anything. I'd love to speak to other family members of BP, hopefully somebody who can give some hope for the future and living with this. This has been hell for me. I know it's not easy for him either.

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