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things have been really rough this month

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Old 10-25-2008, 03:55 PM   #1
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: ny
Posts: 73
patteecake HB User
things have been really rough this month

Living with bipolar,i'm not the easiest to live with. I've recently moved downstairs in the Apt that my sister, her husband and children were living in 2 mths ago. My sister moved to CO, . My sister was very abusive mentally towards me and we went to counseling once, she was leaving in 3 weeks and we didn't have another session. Things changed a lil. I had a nervous break down in July and that led to her going to counseling with me. My sister is severly disabled and she needed a health aide. but due to the fact we could not one due to circumstances beyond our control.

It was very overwhelming taking care of her two children plus my son. I gave baths, made dinners, played, taught, dressed, fed the children, even when we went out, i had to watch them. i needed help to and i figured if i helped her, i couldn't get help in return from her b/c she is severly disabled. i still worry about her in CO. She is in gods hands and i have to take it one day at a time. We keep in contact almost everyday. Now that she's living in CO, She gets a home health aide and is babysitting two children as well. I feel jealous, because i was laid off from my job in June of this yr and i have yet to find a babysitting job.

i recieve disability due to bi polar and ehlers danlos syndrome. i can't make more than 660 a mth or i'll lose my disability money. I Would love a 2 day a week job babysitting. . That would be perfect. I have everything i want, i'm a hs grad, i have an associates in Education, i've worked as a teacher for 5 yrs and a nanny for 18mths. I have alot to offer a relationship. i'm loyal, i'm supportive emotionally and physically. i believe happiness is not about what you have but what you have to live for. I always wanted my parents life, 2 loving parents raising their children. But it didn't work out quite that way. I'll be 26 next sunday and i have a almost 5 yr old son, who's in preschool and i love him with all my heart. i've lost 75lbs and i'm going for 40lbs more. I want to be healthy for myself and i'm proud of myself. With all the things that has happened in my life i'm proud to be where i am today.

The only problem is with bi polar my medication doesn't want to work with my brain due to my syndrome, it doesn't process things right so its a constant fight to get better, i've been on 8 different meds, one almost killed me i had 3 seizures and was throwing up every where. That was scary. My mother was besides herself. I wish that everything would work out in the end. its a constant cycle. I talk to my son's father every 3 weeks and we fight. I have friends, but they all live out of state and the ones i see that live in my state i see every 2 weeks or every 6 mths. I am anixous and nervous and scared about everything, my father has no first job that was making money, my mother is scared we'll lose the house. I'm frightened of change and having to move somewhere i don't know. My dad wants to move to CO and my mom wants to move to FL. I just want to stay in NY.

sorry so long i'm glad i have people on this board who understand and know what i'm going through, i've been here a few months and i go on everyday. looking foward to hearing from you all.

Last edited by patteecake; 10-29-2008 at 06:09 AM.

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