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Relationship with TWO bipolars possible?

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Old 07-17-2009, 12:50 PM   #1
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Lake Forest
Posts: 4
SLove HB User
Relationship with TWO bipolars possible?

EDIT: Just realized I might have this in the wrong forum. If so I apologize and please move to correct forum. I just wanted opinions moreso from those with my issues that's why I put it in here.

Hi, I'm new here so first of all I'd like to say hello to everyone...

OK, my intro... I'm a 27 year old female and was diagnosed with ADHD and being bipolar about 5 years ago. At that time, I was able to get on meds which did seem to work, but due to major procrastination and memory issues, I had stopped taking the meds after a little under a year. So as of about 4 years ago, I've been unmedicated. (I'm seeing a new doc today for 2nd opinion and hopefully get started on meds again.) Anyway, my major problems are definitely irritability, aggravation, aggression, and sometimes even violence when pushed to a point... I'm very aware of my problems and I'm trying my hardest to control my actions and how I act, but of course as we all know it doesn't change the fact that we still feel a certain way...

So about one month ago, I've met a guy who I seem to have noticed is very irritable as well. We actually have only been talking through text and phone since we met so I've had no chance to actually get to know him in person very well. Aside from irritability and a seeming anger issue, he has all signs of being bipolar. He's constantly jealous of my time, gets angered when I don't answer his text/call quick enough, quick to snap at me, and very "now, now, now" with everything... He's also very hypersexual as far as I can tell and I'm taking a guess he's in manic mode. He doesn't go out much and is a single father. He seems to have little to no friends and stays home with his son pretty much every second of the day he isn't at work. To me, his irritability and "now" attitude mirrors my manic mode and his never going out and having little friends mirrors my depressive stages as well... And that's why I've made the assumption he's bipolar as well. We barely know each other but he wants a relationship "now". Now mind you, I'm a very "now" person too when I'm in manic mode... (But I'm not right now) so I can understand where he's coming from. But right now I'm taking control of the situation and slowing it down.

He seems to be very avoidant of a lot of questions I ask him. One of the questions being if he's aware that he's very likely to be bipolar. Every time I've brought it up (I only bring it up in texting) he's ignored my question... Keeps talking as if I never even asked it. I finally today asked him again and he answered back with "I'll tell you what. I have no medical problems." I left it at that. I'd mentioned to him before that if he was aware of it, I am a very understanding person and I won't judge, but he ignores those comments as well... Am I just pushing the question too much? He is aware though that he has "mood swings"... he probably just hasn't put two and two together.

The reason I've made a connection to him is because of all these issues. I know from all I've said it would seem like nothing but excuses for him if I were to now say that he's actually a decent guy... But I will say that only because I'm the way he is as well when I'm in a funk, and I'd hate for people to assume I'm a horrible person just because of my mood issues. I'm a great person when I'm not having my swings, so I'm sure he can be a great guy when he's not having his either...

The question is... has anyone ever had a relationship where both parties were BP? I don't see it working out too well as they'll both probably kill each other at one time or another. But then again, there's that understanding that they both can share as well... I personally am a VERY co-dependent person and am a people pleaser so I very easily accomodate to peoples' needs. Yes, I know it's a major problem, I'm trying to fix it. That's why I worry that with being with a BP partner, I'll do all the catering, receive nothing in return and end up hurt in the end. I know I've done and said terrible things to my ex who was very understanding of my mood swings. And now I feel as if with this guy I've met, I'm now starting to see what it was like to be my ex...

So... anyone with experiences? Comments? Advice? Thank you. I apologize for the length of the post.

Last edited by SLove; 07-17-2009 at 01:27 PM.

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Old 07-17-2009, 06:09 PM   #2
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Join Date: Feb 2005
Posts: 1,915
seaturtle HB User
Re: Relationship with TWO bipolars possible?

From what you say about him (and about your own difficulties at present and not being on meds (but congratulations on getting yourself back on), I see almost only red flags. I would back off pronto.

I did have a relationship with someone who was both bipolar and borderline. The sex was fantastic, and the honeymoon phase was intense. What followed was not. It became hell.

So, from my own experience only, I would warn you to stop things before they get started. That "relationship right now" is a danger signal, as are any out-of-control anger/violence'/dependency issue on either of your parts.

What attracted me were the same things you mentioned - the nice person, the understanding available, and the care-taking. I wanted to "fix" her.

No way. I ended up almost cracking up and being stalked for a good year.

Just my experience. If nothing else, wait until you are on meds and seeing a therapist where you can get guidance. Right now, you need to attend to your own needs, and starting a relationship can come later,

Old 07-17-2009, 06:26 PM   #3
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Join Date: Jan 2002
Posts: 2,365
AnnD HB UserAnnD HB User
Re: Relationship with TWO bipolars possible?

You can't get strong and healthy and stay healthy if you surround yourself with craziness. You need to stay away from this guy or he will drag you down. Or are you trying to sabotage your treatment?...that's pretty much how it sounds. You can never afford to be around anyone like this. Stop texting, stop every form of contract with him and do it quickly without too much don't owe him an will just open the door for him to get all kinds of upset or drama over it. Your job is to take care of yourself and I wish you all the luck with that.

Old 07-17-2009, 11:21 PM   #4
electric blue
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Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Sydney, Australia
Posts: 159
electric blue HB User
Re: Relationship with TWO bipolars possible?

Hi Slove,

Thought i might chime in here. I have a daughter and son-in-law who are both bp and my son-in-law has further problems. They have 3 young children who witness a lot of mood swings and violence on his part and alcohol infused states of mind, which doesn't help. He won't take every med he's supposed to and his moods send my daughter over the top. She gets very little sleep with the kids being so young as it is, then he'll come in and make matters much much worse. It's like a nightmare for my daughter, yet they adore the children and would do anything and everything for them no matter what state of mind they're in, however, you can't keep everything from them. It's ongoing, it will never end, so my advice to you is exactly what seaturtle said.

My daughter is 'stuck' in this marriage. You've only known this guy for a month, get out now while the getting's good!

You can't help him get better, you can only help yourself and that's what matters. Life is a hard enough battle just for yourself, so don't bring more into your life thatn you are likely not to be able to cope with and let him go.

Hope that helps to settle your mind and don't feel guilty!!!

Electric blue

Old 07-21-2009, 08:37 AM   #5
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Lake Forest
Posts: 4
SLove HB User
Re: Relationship with TWO bipolars possible?

I'm sorry it took a while to respond guys, I've been very busy! (Planning and having my kids' b-day party)

Anyway, thank you all SO very much for your responses. Yes, I've come to finally admit to myself everything I've thought and what you all have said. It would be a very unhealthy relationship. I've decided to leave it alone and move on and hopefully better myself before I date again... and most likely with a non bipolar... lol.

I did get back on meds... Abilify for bipolar and Concerta for ADHD which I don't start for another week. The Abilify is very low dose right now and I've already gotten increased anxiety and insomnia as side effects. I'll be starting another post about this so I'll leave this post be.

Thanks for your advice guys.

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