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  • Confused and losing it am I bipolar?

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    Old 04-22-2010, 08:09 PM   #1
    chat2010
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    Confused and losing it am I bipolar?

    Lately people have been telling me I am so hyper, especially at work. I multi task and can do more than anyone I work with, but I'm starting to get so worked up. Sometimes I don't eat and don't realize it until I'm about to faint. I have a huge sexual appetite. I can go with less than 4 hours sleep and I seem more hyper and irritable. It's so odd because most of the time I am always smiling and being helpful but when someone triggers my attitude I can go from 0-60.
    All the while I feel beautiful and like a more productive better accomplished person than everyone else. I have to consume at least 2 glasses of wine in order to sleep at night, but I usually only drink when I'm not sleeping. I spend so much time going out with the opposite sex that I neglect my friends.
    After all of that, I crash and sleep for hours and I get really depressed I feel ugly and unworthy, lonely and I don't have any close relationships everything feels superficial. The whole time everyone's looking at me like I'm so pretty and I have this great job and I'm successful. Inside I feel like a loser.
    When I was younger I was diagnosed with clinical depression/suicide, borderline personality and anxiety and hospitalized three times in one year but I never stayed on meds or had therapy. When I think Bipolar I think talking excessively, spending money, acting really crazed and I'm not like that so I am so confused.
    I am so lost right now and I don't know whats wrong with me its been 15 years of this and I don't know what to do...I want to be normal. my family tells me I'm fine and I don't need meds. Sorry i'm venting so much.....

     
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    Old 04-23-2010, 09:25 PM   #2
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    Re: Confused and losing it am I bipolar?

    It certainly sounds as though things are out of balance. Whether it's BP or anything else you have been previously diagnosed as I would suggest making an appointment with your gp and getting a referral to a psychiatrist. It's usually only a matter of time before this break- don't leave it that long.

     
    Old 04-24-2010, 06:47 AM   #3
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    Re: Confused and losing it am I bipolar?

    Thanks for answering me I feel so alone....the problem is I convince myself I'm ok.
    I love the feeling of being able to do more than everyone else and I feel like I would not have gotten the huge promotion I just received....I'm partially afraid not to be this way too.
    It's just the depression that is unbearable and if I miss too much sleep I start to have insane thoughts and get really paranoid and it prevents me from sleeping because I think I'm gonna be abducted by aliens. (That's really embarrassing to admit )
    I went to my medical doctor and she prescribed Lexapro for the depression. I didn't take it though...I figured exercise can help, besides years ago when I took anti-depressants I started to hallucinate and dissociate She wouldn't give me a sleeping pill because she said I need to treat the underlying problems first. I can't seem to find a psychiatrist that will take my insurance either.

     
    Old 04-24-2010, 04:27 PM   #4
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    Re: Confused and losing it am I bipolar?

    most people with BP can't take anti depressants because it exacerbates(?) the mania. I can only take them now because I use a mood stabiliser.
    Have you contacted your insurance company to see if they can tell you of any pdocs in your area who accept them as an agent? You could spend the rest of your life searching other wise. Another option might be if you have a university, or a government run health centre?
    Your Dr is right, you do need to get the underlying problem sorted, but until then make sure that you are eating and drinking as healthily and as routinely as possible, get at least 8 hours sleep a night, and excercise daily. Taking something like fish oil can help too.
    Hang in there mate

     
    Old 04-25-2010, 07:49 AM   #5
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    Re: Confused and losing it am I bipolar?

    Once again thanks for all you awesome advice! I am going to see psych doctor and my medical doctor was able to help a lot with getting me in sooner, because now I'm exhausted
    Last week for three nights in a row I slept only 1-3 hours but now I'm sleeping like crazy. I'm tired, I'm not my happy self. I'm moody and irritable. I am extremely motivated to try an anti- depressant now. I read a lot about Wellbutrin last night but I guess I need a mood stabilizer too....can Klonopin work I was on that when I was younger?
    Sometimes I feel silly posting all these thought and depending on medication, but I tried without medication for so long, so I want to try something new.
    Part of my motivation is that I met a very normal guy that I love and I want to stabilize my moods and enjoy things in life together.
    I feel guilty too last night I got so irritable I yelled at my mother & hung up the phone on her. I'm angry because she doesn't address my mental health issues. She probably wishes I was dead so she didn't have to continue to deal with a "problem child" I try to keep my distance though, we live 1,000 miles away and I call about once a week so I try to keep the relationship light. But she told me I don't need medications and I shouldn't tell people about this. Just that fact that I told her some of the ways I feel deserves a how are you today? Or did you get an appointment? I know better than to confide in her...I'm glad I found this message board and my concerns are taking seriously. I feel like I'm so strong and I'm moving in the right direction depressed or not.

     
    Old 04-25-2010, 08:05 PM   #6
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    Re: Confused and losing it am I bipolar?

    Good to hear it's going well. I don't know anything really about Klonopin, I've never taken it. So far as your Mum not getting it, that tends to be one of the most unfortunate things about mental illness, or mood disorders or what ever you want to call them, is that the people you want most to understand seem to find it harder. I don't know if it's because they love you so much that don't want to accept it, or can't accept that you may not be perfect, or may be it's an ego thing for them- that it can't be something that happens in their backyard. It sounds a bit that your Mum may be feeling that there is a stigma attached to having to be on meds and seeing a psych of any kind. But you are not alone there either, there are so many threads on this board covering that subject.
    Keep at it and keep us posted!

     
    Old 05-03-2010, 11:21 PM   #7
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    Re: Confused and losing it am I bipolar?

    Thanks for all the words of encouragement. You advice feels so good and genuine!!

    I feel empowered I started taking medication and I found a doctor. The difference between before and now is that I WANT to be different. I want to stabilize my moods. I am afraid about being "normal" and not having more energy than everyone else but I look forward to not have extreme mood swings and crazy relationships where I let people do anything to me. I really got myself into trouble lately. I have a very dominating sexual partner and at times he takes it too far. Even with my bad judgement I realized/questioned what he was doing to me the other night so it really hit home for me that I'm doing the right thing!!!! Taking my mental health issues seriously will keep me safe. I was really scared for my safety and that was a wake up call. My family is nuts to ignore my behavior, sweeping it under the rug can result in something bad happening to me because sometimes I just cant stop myself and I keep going back. But with all this help I am more AWARE that i have unusual behavior and I am keeping track of it I am very proud of that!

    On a side note can anyone explain the difference between having anxiety and depression and being bipolar?

     
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