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is it still bipolar

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Old 06-22-2010, 07:01 AM   #1
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bipolarorworse HB User
is it still bipolar

i have been seeing shadows of people staring at me and see shadows out of the corner of my eyes. i started hearing people talking and i eve hear myself talking over and over in my head. i repeat words and things over and over in my head. i want to be left alone and not bugged by anyone even my children. for about two years i left my family and lived on the streets and my family never knew where i was. i do that sometimes.

i get so fustrated with my loved ones. i chased them, beat them up and other mean things. i tried to kill my self many times i even ran my car off the road.i have a hard time trying to work and i tried to go back to school but i was suspended for bad grades and i am 26 years old. when i would do my homework it would take me hours to try and understand it.

i have no feelings. i laugh at diasters and i am mean to people that don't even know me i have no friends and i dont care to have any either. i take care of myself now but iam stil sloppy about it. when i was young i had two imagany freinds when i was little. i lose sense with reality when i think about stuff too much and when i come too i am chewing on my tongue.

i have bad memory where i can't remember some of yesterday. they diagnosed me with bipolar 1 but i think i may be something else because when i start to feel better i stop taking my pills and causes me to relapse and do something psychotic and now i am commited to see my doctor 4 times a year. please help and respond thanks.

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Old 06-22-2010, 09:12 PM   #2
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waywardminstrel HB User
Re: is it still bipolar

Does it matter??? I would be more focussed on your behaviour rather than a to your doctor about your feelings of detachment and what sounds like psychosis. Its a terrible way to be, i know, but I hope you can work through it.

Old 06-23-2010, 06:32 PM   #3
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bipolarorworse HB User
Re: is it still bipolar

Thanks; for the support

Old 06-24-2010, 09:50 AM   #4
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diva1979 HB User
Re: is it still bipolar

I just want to say that i went through something similar last night, with the shadows, i was sleeping and waking up very often and saw a shadow of o big cat running in circles around me in my bed, i am relly worried about this in case is a psychotic symptom. You are not the only one going trhough this and hope you talk to your doctor soon.

Take care

I dont know my BP Type
Clonazepan, Lamotrigine, Risperidone, Velafaxine

Old 06-26-2010, 04:55 PM   #5
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ww1989 HB User
Re: is it still bipolar

In group settings I often feel that people are staring at me or talking about me in the next room too. I have been told that they are not. I also don't like to be around my children a lot of the time. When in my depressions, I cut myself off from family and friends. I like to be alone and often think bad thots about myself and others.

I was once diagnosed with OCD, but often wonder if I am bipolar or worse. I guess I am not the only one with this kind of mood at times.

Old 07-02-2010, 04:43 PM   #6
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blp101 HB User
Re: is it still bipolar

I see shadows however I see full sized Angels standing next to me, I am not scared but it makes me jump. Pretty much everything else you said strikes a chord with me and I can see your perspective. It is unfair to think that your own body is letting down especially your mind but although there is no cure you can learn to control things. I am not one of those "Everythings going to be OK!" type of people and to be honest everyone lapses into dark and shiny moments, but as a whole if you can look out for triggers and signs it makes it easier for you to be prepared.

I use Cognitive Behavioral Therapy alongside Lithium 800mg and 15mg Zopiclone to take me own at night. Look in to CBT, what have you got to lose. I would also like to offer you support and above all else hope, there are a lot of us out there more than you think, it is nothing to be ashamed of so do not reject a diagnosis based on fear or indifference find out about it and then you will not be so surprised and caught out by what is happening to you.

Good luck

Old 07-12-2010, 11:33 PM   #7
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mowgli HB User
Re: is it still bipolar

Love the way you guys say- bipolar.... or worse!!!
Like the other fella said it doesn't really matter what you "have"- that only really helps with treatment, apart from that need we all have to belong- to fit somewhere in society- even if it is in the mental hospital.
You could probably ask your pdoc about seeing him more than 4 times a year. If you have problems with verbalising your symptoms and behaviour- print what you wrote.
As hard as this journey is, I've noticed that we tend to make it harder than it needs to be.
Good luck.

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