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For Those Recently Diagnosed


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Old 08-30-2013, 04:50 AM   #1
amybp
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For Those Recently Diagnosed

I just wanted to put some positivity for those individuals who have recently been diagnosed with bi-polar.

I'm not going to tell you it's easy, because it's not. A little background.. I was abused at a young age for approximately 6 months. Nobody knew, and it wasn't reported to the Police. I blacked everything out until my teens when I was reminded of it by the Police asking me if I could give information as this guy had been arrested for raping a young girl. Due to the fact my parents didn't know I denied all knowledge.

Since that date, I suffered with severe depression. If I am totally honest I didn't feel normal until a good year or so ago (I am 23 now). I went through my teens believing I was on my own, on and off anti depressants.

I went through several long term relationships. I destroyed everyone of those (apart from the one I am in now). I was insanely jealous and just couldn't control my emotions. I wasn't completely to blame but I never thought I would settle down.

I went to University to study law in 2008. The month I left for University, my mum kicked my dad out of the family home as he was a mentally and sometimes physical alcoholic. I was in a different city so could kept my distance. In my third year of University, I hit rock bottom. For a good few months, I physically did not want to get out of bed.

I was diagnosed with depressive bi-polar in January 2011 and have been on medication ever since. When I was first diagnosed, I was petrified and I did tell my family about it. I questioned whether I could finish my degree.

I did finish my degree and a relationship I was in ended when I moved back home. Again I hit rock bottom. I must make it clear that I regularly in the past 10 years (probably on a daily basis) went through the motion of how to kill myself. I attempted it a few times but never know if it was down to attention. One thing that kept me sane was my mum and siblings as we are extremely close.

Now, onto the point I want to make. I was with my current partner for 18 months when I was 17 and as all young relationships do, we ended. We have had a spark over the years and when I moved back home in September 2011, we ended up back together.

Since that point, he has been extremely supportive and I can finally say I am in a relationship that can be deemed as normal. I completed my law studying and I am now completing a training contract and will qualify as a solicitor in December 2013. I moved in with the other half in February this year and life is going fairly well.

The reason bi-polar is hard is because the depression can spring out of the blue. I have only self-harmed a few times in the past year. However, in May this year, I decided to reveal all the Police about what happened when I was younger. This sent me into a downward spiral. I was on every medication I could (to the point where I fell and fractured my skull because I was so dosed up), and attempted to commit suicide in June this year. I couldn't be on my own and was close to destroying everything I had built up in the past year. I went on holiday in June and having this break from everything has seemed to settle me down, and the fact I have had my medication dramatically increased.

I just want those out there that have been diagnosed, that it isn't all doom and gloom. Yes it may well be brutal battling with your own mind at times, but you have to stay focused and positive. Focus on those things around you that make life worth living. I wake up every day with a fresh mind set and to appreciate each minute of my life.

I am not one to divulge in my illness, and only a close few people know about it. If this post helps one person with their view on their illness then I would have accomplished my goal. If anyone wants to private message me then I am more than willing to help.

Thanks for listening to my version of bipolar and please remember, take a positive outlook on life because it's the only one your going to live.

 
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