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  • Lonely - My Bi Polar has Helped Me Ruin All My Friendships

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    Old 07-14-2014, 12:54 PM   #1
    nikko05's Avatar
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    Lonely - My Bi Polar has Helped Me Ruin All My Friendships


    I am a 42 year old male, diagnosed about 5 years ago, but I have known I had this problem for over 20 years (never needed help...right )

    I feel so lonely all the time. I rapid cycle up and down, do take medications and am fairly stable. I had a side effect symptom of over exaggerating my life...and that was the worst.

    It caused me to loose all of my friends. I do not seem to be able to make new ones. It is like they can see the turmoil in my head. I can not stand it, I am all alone. My wife is distant from me - this is hard on her so I understand. The only one who wants to spend any time with me, or show any love is my 2 year old.

    I wish for friends, I am social. I wish for someone to just share their experiences with me. Maybe someone who understands the emotional and physical toll the disorder and the cycles take.

    Sorry for being so down and having this baggage.

    Thanks for letting me share.

    Last edited by mod85; 07-14-2014 at 06:28 PM.

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    Old 07-17-2014, 03:57 AM   #2
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    Re: Lonely - My Bi Polar has Helped Me Ruin All My Friendships

    I'm sorry you're lonely. I joined this forum to get a view on bipolar, being a mother of a 36 yr old daughter who was recently arrested for her sexual misconducts. She's bipolar 1 and drinks. She had been living with me for the past 9 months with her 9 yr old daughter. I wanted to help her start a new life, in our nice environment, home/town. She was taking her meds, but as I just found out, they don't work, when you mix alcohol with them. She made 3 friends, and it didn't take long before they didn't want anything to do with her. Yesterday I found out she molested one of them while she was drinking. The friend said of my daughter "she is the kindest, sweetest person when she doesn't drink", otherwise "she's a completely different person". My husband and I feel the same about her.
    She was arrested for child molestation, which is extremely hard for me to believe. Yet, the sheriff tells me, she has 12 counts, and will be expedited, two states away. My daughter had cried to me, saying she was so lonely, and wished to have someone who would love her, hold her, kiss her. It breaks my heart that she seemingly can't live a normal life, be responsible and not drink.

    I don't know if any of this will give you comfort, or help you, but I thought I'd reach out.

    Last edited by mod85; 07-22-2014 at 07:34 AM.

    Old 08-02-2014, 09:58 PM   #3
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    The only thing that I know is that we need to want to help ourselves. It is hard to stop the alcohol or any stimulant as they give us such high. It is so hard to stay in track but it needs to be done. Your daughter is lucky to have a mother that loves her. She needs to come to terms with the fact of having BIPOLAR. She needs to want to get better. That is the beginning to recovery. Being hard on ourselves doesn't help. Today is a not so good day for me. I am picking my skin as it is soothing but then I have to put up with the bleeding. Sometimes I wish I could finish it all. BUT I don't want my mother to suffer, my nieces, my husband. And who would take care of my cats as well as I do. I love them to pieces and I would not want them to suffer. So I am going to be around for my hubby and for the people that loves me.
    Your daughter has to come to terms with the condition, with the BIPOLAR. She has a daughter. Please tell her that you love her since the moment she was in your tummy. Tell her every day. It is never easy but the only way it to keep on going. I live for the better days because there are better days.
    I don't know what I am even saying. Sorry for my rant. OH coffee and tea are not good for people with BIPOLAR.

    Best to you and your family.
    The road is rough but I will not quit on my journey.
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    Old 08-06-2014, 11:39 PM   #4
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    Re: Lonely - My Bi Polar has Helped Me Ruin All My Friendships

    Nikko, if you're cycling up and down a lot, your condition is not under control. When we are acting erratically, our family and friends are confused. They often step back because they don't know how we will be. Will it be an angry day? Or a sad and crying day? Or a normal day? Heck it's confusing enough for those of us with this brain disease. Are you seeing a therapist in addition to your medications? I find my weekly visits with my therapist to be invaluable. She is part of the foundation of my mental health just as much as my psychiatrist. That's my first idea because it helped me so much. I have been on over 25 psychotropic medications, and I am currently on five. I tell my friends it's a good cocktail for now. It may help to remember that bipolar disorder cannot be cured. It can be treated and treated well, you just gotta get the cocktail right. *sigh* I'm so sorry that you're suffering with this. One of the things I do to help myself is adhere to a sleep schedule. Well, I say that but here it is 1:30 am, and I'm on the 'net. My husband and I are kinda gripey with each other right now. He is working gobs of overtime and my daughter is leaving for China soon, so there's tension. You know, normal stuff. Anyhow, back to the sleep schedule. Sleep 8-9 hours per night, get up at the same time every morning and do not nap. Boy, that sucks when you first start doing it, but it could help you. Sweety mentioned that we need to WANT to help ourselves. That is difficult to do or feel when you're in the quagmire of depression or instability. Please know you're not alone. Relationships are hard when your bipolar is bad. Wait, relationships are hard when your bipolar is under control. :-) Look at the past. It's the past. Yes, it has helped define who you are, but it is not who you are now, nor an accurate predictor of the future. Your future will be different and part of that difference lies with your decisions now. Best wishes to you.
    The road to wellness is paved with many tempting parking spaces. -- Unknown
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