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Entry #1

Posted 12-01-2011 12:32 PM by Beeze
Updated 12-01-2011 04:18 PM by Administrator

My name is Beeze, I am 20 years old, and I struggle with anorexia nervosa and bulimia, a.k.a. EDNOS.
I have been putting myself through this miserable journey for almost 5 years now, and quite frankly, I'm sick of it. I want to recover more than anything, and be living the life I know I should be living at this age.
I want a healthy body, and healthy life, and a healthy relationship with food. I want to get trhough school and have a normal life. I want to recover for my boyfriend, for my mom, for my dad, for my brother, my aunts and uncles, my grandma, my boyfriends mom, and everyone else in my life who has expressed their concerns.
I realise most importantly, I need to recover for myself.
I have plans for my future, and I dont want to even consider that if I don't take care of myself, i might never reach my goals.
Even while I say these things though, I can feel and hear my eating disorder screaming at me and telling me these thoughts are useless.
Recognizing I have a problem and actually making the efforts to struggle through it are two completely different things. But I am going to try my hardest.
so, I decided to start a blog. Even if no one reads it or responds, maybe it will give me some sort of accountability.
I know this will probably never fully go away.. One day at a time though.

xoxo Beeze
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  1. Old Comment
    Twigster's Avatar
    The biggest step is that you acknowledge that you have an eating disorder, it is how one learns to cope to maintain the disorder and how to keep it at bay.

    I know living with an ED is one of the toughest fights to live with and the sooner one is able to contain and get control of the illness, the more comfortable one is around food.

    Are there other concerns that are an issue and you are just deflecting them with the ED? If so, try resolve the primary issues.

    You seem to have a huge support and network of caring people that are concerned about you. Perhaps, talking to one of them will help you and how about asking them all for their support during this period of trying to overcome and sustain a healthy body.

    Only one person can make the decision for you to move forward in your life and away from the ED and that is you. You have to want it.

    You are deserving of living a healthy, loving life and positive prospects. Please give yourself some consideration before getting sucked in. EDs are so dangerous.

    If you need an outlet, try journal your thoughts and feelings and have someone to share them with so that you are not alone.

    Take a deep breath and baby steps forward. You will get there and if you bear what you want in the future then you will consider your current actions in order to obtain them.

    I wish you well and go gently on your self.
    Posted 08-24-2013 at 10:51 AM by Twigster Twigster is offline

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