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I guess this is a journal of sorts for me.. I'm horrible at journaling these days. I'm horrible at anything to do with feelings, and I've been told writing them down helps. So here goes (again this is more for my benefit and in no way geared at trying to gain the interest of anyone else out there).
Old

Consistency & Creativity

Posted 01-03-2015 12:50 PM by beth950
Updated 01-15-2015 11:23 PM by Administrator

I told myself I would try and write everyday. That was a new years resolution kind of thing. So here I am.. even though today is one of my less articulate days. You should have heard me trying to pray in the shower.. stumbling over my words and editing my sentences... in a prayer (I was and am a grammar nerd at times). Anyways. feelings...
Today I feel okay. I feel like parts of me are starting to peek through this cloud of angst and fear. It makes me scared (surprise surprise) that my creativity...
beth950
Newbie
Views 5121 Comments 0 beth950 is offline
Old

Confused

Posted 01-02-2015 02:05 PM by beth950
Updated 01-15-2015 11:29 PM by Administrator

Day 4 on Epival and I think my body is trying to go into a "high". I'm not feeling the doom and gloom today; I woke up feeling like shopping. Any other day, that would be okay. I would indulge .. but these days I'm all like "oh it's just your chemicals Bethany"! So yes, I am confused. Today I am somewhat happy whereas yesterday I was helpless !? I also had a dream about things I do in my "highs".
I'm going to book an appointment with a therapist I used to see...
beth950
Newbie
Views 919 Comments 0 beth950 is offline
Old

One day at a time

Posted 01-01-2015 12:34 PM by beth950

Day 3 of Epival..I'm feeling scared. Fear is not the way to ring in the New year. I'm trying to think positive; I have a supportive family, a (somewhat) understanding boss, a great doctor and I'm being treated. But I'm still scared- what if this doesn't work? When can I trust myself again? When can I trust that the things I'm feeling and doing aren't a result of a chemical "high" or "low"? I'm constantly questioning myself now. Am I doing this because of chemicals or is this...
beth950
Newbie
Views 905 Comments 0 beth950 is offline
Old

New Diagnosis – Bipolar, Cycloythymic, losing my marbles

Posted 12-31-2014 05:34 PM by beth950
Updated 01-15-2015 11:49 PM by Administrator (per the rules)


So. July of 2007 I had turned 18, moved out of my parents house into my own apartment and enrolled in my first year of university. A little bit of an adjustment period there. I slowly started losing weight, stopped sleeping, started crying at random times and would get these episodes of fainting (dizziness, numbness/tingling, nausea, diarrhea, tunnel vision, tachycardia and just a feeling that I was losing control and intense fear). I'm 5'3 and dropped down to 89 lbs. My mom thought I had...
beth950
Newbie
Posted in Mental Health
Views 879 Comments 0 beth950 is offline

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