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Bipolar and unrealistic fear

Posted 12-02-2012 04:54 AM by lifepain
Updated 12-02-2012 05:13 AM by Administrator

Ok I am 25 and I was diagnosed bipolar um well formally about 4 years ago. Well in the last year I stopes taking my medication do to other health issues and I have now developed several extreme unrealistic fears. Ok so I have always had one unrealistic fear of the dark. I hate the dark. I can not go out side I it is dark aloun I freeze with fear. I have been that way since I was a kid. But now it is worse and different. Out of no were I will have tearfing nightmares and wake up crying about something stupid like zombies or terrorist releasing chemical weapons in a store and then I can't even go out side with out checking out the window to make sure there is nothing out there or I can't go to town to do anything if I have to get out of my car unless I have someone with me besides my 2 kids.

An on top of those fears I am tearfide my husband is just going to stop loving me and not come home from work one day. Or that I am going to have some kind of hirable illness and just die and since I already have chronic pancreatitis when ever something weird happens my husband just ignores me and rights it off as my pancreas. ( last time that happen I had phnamonia and my liver enzymes where elevated but they went back down) it makes me feel like I am going to go to sleep and not wake up and my kids will be locked in there room all day while I am died in my bed. So I am so sceared that I just stay in my house and take care of my kids. But then my kids start to drive me crazy and all I want to do is wait tell my husband is on night shift so he is home during the day wait tell my kids take a nap and leave just leave and never look back because I can not take anymore I just can't take it.

I can not take any of this anymore it is crippling and I really don't know what to do. There are no psychiatrist or psychologist in my town and the closet ones are 4 hours away on top of that I gain weight very easly and have been fighting to lose weight to take some strain off my pancreas and a lot of med's effect my pancreas even med's that suddenly mess with it at all do. So I just don't know what to do anymore at all. I am always sceared I mean te only reason I have not taken off and left is I am sceared to be aloun I can not stand to be aloun it tearfise me an I am also sceared to go to a shrink because I am so sceared they will lock me up I have web locked up for a weekend once before the one time I actually finally opened up to my shrink so I am so sceared it will happen again

Oh and I do get the highs and lows and that is annoying and it sucks but compared to all this that is a walk in the park pulse I kind of like the highs and I think my subad does to because my house stays clean and he gets se every night lol
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