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Not horrific

Posted 07-28-2011 01:19 AM by Phil uk

Well, just a brief post today, just to say that I am still doing well on the nicotine replacement. I have not used my e-cig or smoked a real cigarette for what feels like ages. The actual stats are:-

6 days and 10 hours

I would have, in this time smoked 256 cigarettes or the the equivalent electronic vapour.....

That is truly amazing, I do feel that I would have used maybe 10mL of e-cig liquid in that time and so I am rightly proud I think.

As I said previously, the fear of the chest X-Ray does focus the mind. but even so, it is quite scary to think how much rubbish I have been throwing down my lungs.

I do have a little cough at the minute but am not sure if that is part of the cleaning process or if that is perhaps anything else.

I still have not heard anything from the doctor yet, so I am still in limbo as far as that is concerned. It is strange, when something is in your mind, then there are triggers everywhere; Cancer UK are running a series of TV ads for fund-raising at the minute, and it seems that the advert is on every single break at the minute when I am in front of TV. I went to the local shop to get a pint of milk for the office and there was a fund-raising ball advertised for the local Mesothelioma ward at the local hospital.... Things like that do raise the thoughts to the top of the list which is quite hard.

I am getting phone calls from the lawyer in New York who is managing the class action for the 9/11 rescue/recovery workers and at the minute I cannot even bring myself to speak with him..... The depression is still about the level it was yesterday. Sir Isaac Newton, one of the greatest physicists wrote the three laws of motion. the first law states:-

I. Every object in a state of uniform motion tends to remain in that state of motion unless an external force is applied to it.

This also seems to work with depression and I think that is could be paraphrased like this :-

Every person in a state of depression tends to remain in that same state of depression unless an external influence is applied to that person.

At the minute, there has been no major change in my personal situation (hardly likely in just 24 hours) and so my state of depression remains constant. I am not currently on medication and will not look at any medication for the depression until I have the results of the dreaded X-Ray. Then several things will happen, first, my personal situation will have changed, I may or may not have a future, that will have an impact, I will be receiving some proper treatment and also a diagnostic course (hopefully) for whatever it is that ails me. and also I can then look at treatment for the stress and depression which will all be external influences.

Anyhow, 36 hours to go and I should have had a result. I will post it and let you know what is happening.

Thank you all for reading this, and I hope someone somewhere finds this interesting or at least not boring.... I would also like to thank for giving me somewhere I can open my heart and vent some of the feelings that I have not been able to do for over 40 years...... I am truly grateful
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