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I've been in this "funk" if you will,for over 7 years now.

I have come to realize that life has to be complicated for me,for it seems to be a distraction at points,from my daily ailments.

There is this intense anger felt inside,which I must admit,has gotten the better of me and my relationship with my family members.
I realize that my decisions have paved the way towards my current destination.
PTSD and Depression,along with chronic pain,for me,brings about anger but it doesn't simply end there.
I'm not about to make this a pity blog but I have to get this out to move forward.
When I say i've "been there and done that," i'm not bragging but simply stating i've been through more than my fair share of unfortunate situations.

For instance, i'm in pain right now and working through it while typing this.It actually feels like i'm in a boxing match with myself.The healthy part wants the best and the unhealthy, the worse.

Unfortunately for me,there's no on or off switch for what ails me,so i'm going to try something different.
This morning I used my phone's camera to take a few pictures.
One of them I even used to change my avatar.

Wow; there's actually more fight in this dog than i've given myself credit for.

Seven shades of miserable part V

Posted 12-17-2012 03:34 AM by Phoenix
Updated 12-17-2012 10:46 PM by Phoenix

I glanced over part IV and realize that I just let my mind run,which is ok.It's a testament to how I was feeling at the time.
Yesterday I attended mass and once service had ended,as the parishioners were leaving,I did something.I proceeded to make the sign of the cross and went up to the altar.Atop,there was a cross with Jesus' image adorned.I proceeded to touch the wounded areas of the image and then my specific points of pain.Now it wasn't the first and by no means the last time I will...
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Seven shades of miserable part IV

Posted 12-14-2012 04:36 PM by Phoenix
Updated 12-15-2012 12:35 AM by Phoenix

My body is stiff as a board,in some places and tender in the others.
I've got to remember why i'm doing this in the first place.................oh yeah;to better satisfy my quality of life issues.
Feeling this drained has to have its advantages,doesn't it?
As long as i'm being facetious and not actually talking to myself and responding in kind,i'm in a good place.
Somehow though,I feel as if i'm on a tightrope dangling.I don't dare look down to see how far my feet are...
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Seven shades of miserable part III

Posted 12-12-2012 12:40 PM by Phoenix

This weekend was by far the worse i've had yet.
Continuous vomiting and feelings of aches and nausea.If I wasn't sure that this too shall pass,i'd backslide in a minute.Thank goodness that's not the case.
As i'm not sleeping as much,i've gotten more time to do a few constructive things.
My muscles tense up at a moments notice and stiffen,which I usually try to do some light stretching to alleviate the problem.
When that doesn't work,it's right back in the bed,after ingesting...
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Seven shades of miserable part II

Posted 12-06-2012 10:40 AM by Phoenix
Updated 12-08-2012 02:51 AM by Phoenix

As my body adjusts to all of these changes,I have come to realize a few things about myself.For one,i'm out of shape.Tried a little stretching and minor exercises.It's confirmed;i'm nowhere near fit(dare I use the term).Guess i'll have to chalk it up to my sedentary lifestyle.
Still feeling a bit nauseous every now and then but I have to expect that,for not even Rome was built in one day.
I must admit that the tendency to sleep throughout various points of the day is lessening(thank...
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Seven shades of miserable

Posted 11-28-2012 10:13 AM by Phoenix
Updated 11-28-2012 01:33 PM by Phoenix

I'm currently lowering my dosages of pain medications because I truly need to see if my body can go without them,as I fully understand that the body can naturally build tolerance toward certain legally controlled substances(motor vehicle accident-2005).
I will say it's not the easiest thing I had to do but far from the harshest i've experienced.
This is where my faith comes in.
I truly believe that a power greater than myself can return my body to "sanity" if you will....
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