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I've been in this "funk" if you will,for over 7 years now.

I have come to realize that life has to be complicated for me,for it seems to be a distraction at points,from my daily ailments.

There is this intense anger felt inside,which I must admit,has gotten the better of me and my relationship with my family members.
I realize that my decisions have paved the way towards my current destination.
PTSD and Depression,along with chronic pain,for me,brings about anger but it doesn't simply end there.
I'm not about to make this a pity blog but I have to get this out to move forward.
When I say i've "been there and done that," i'm not bragging but simply stating i've been through more than my fair share of unfortunate situations.

For instance, i'm in pain right now and working through it while typing this.It actually feels like i'm in a boxing match with myself.The healthy part wants the best and the unhealthy, the worse.

Unfortunately for me,there's no on or off switch for what ails me,so i'm going to try something different.
This morning I used my phone's camera to take a few pictures.
One of them I even used to change my avatar.

Wow; there's actually more fight in this dog than i've given myself credit for.

Had A Week To Think...This Was The End Result

Posted 09-01-2012 06:40 PM by Phoenix
Updated 09-05-2012 02:04 AM by Phoenix (different approach to original post)

I sat down in a different chair at my therapist's office,in the hopes that I would look at things from a different perspective.
You know what? It worked.
For almost 4 years,I was seated on that plush couch of hers;nestling in and letting my thoughts run rampant(which my therapist often has to reel me in from).
I realize these are my therapy sessions and the therapist,which i'll call Ms.T(as my eyes often turn misty when discussing sensitive issues) has been extremely helpful....
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Son Of A Blog!!!!!

Posted 08-23-2012 12:59 PM by Phoenix
Updated 08-24-2012 11:53 AM by Phoenix

Just when I thought I was getting somewhere blogging,things began to backfire.
It takes way too much energy for me to post and I end up drained.

I actually have come to the realization that this has never really been about the views(even though it was nice to know a few people were paying attention).
My inability to continue blogging on a daily basis doesn't bring me down as much as I thought it would.
I have come to the realization that I have to do things at...
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It's Not Easy Being Me

Posted 08-15-2012 10:23 AM by Phoenix

I say this because I seem to be misunderstood by so many people;one's that never take the time out to surmise whether or not I am a true blue individual or a wolf in sheep's clothing.

Aromas of illegal narcotics wreak throughout the hallways and it seems that way too many individuals that I live around are getting high.
People down the street,around the corner;it's as if i'm surrounded by the same people that i'm not supposed to be associated with(people,places and things)....
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Can't Even Be Myself Without the Possibility of.........

Posted 08-14-2012 03:54 PM by Phoenix
Updated 09-04-2012 12:42 AM by Phoenix

It being submitted into evidence and twisted to mean other than I intended. I try my best,to be as sincere as possible here and yet and still potentially expose myself to my very own words being used against me.

I want my own life back;to know that I can post what I want,when I want and it not be used out of context.

They say the truth will set you free but in this case I feel that the truth may set me up.

Go figure.....
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Posted 08-12-2012 08:55 AM by Phoenix
Updated 09-09-2012 08:30 AM by Phoenix

All these symptoms are bothersome.
I am easily startled,can't put on the radio in the car;whether driving or parked.
It seems as if i'm fighting for my very existence daily.
I want things to change so badly but it doesn't seem to be in the cards for me;at least not yet.

In the beginning,I balked at the need for so many days of therapy but it has become evident that it is warranted.
I spend way too much time in my own head.
I've been racking my brain...
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