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    Old 12-12-2004, 02:23 PM   #1
    chugg603
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    Extremely Depressed Scared confused angry

    I am a 24 year old male and I am leaking from my anus. It started about 2 weeks ago with explosive diherhea. Everytime I went it felt like there was something hard still in there, so I would push and push but nothing happened. Then I had extreme constipation for about a week. I would feel like I had to go, but nothing would come. so I took mag citrate and of course had explosive diherhea for a day. Always feeling like there was more in there. I have been to ER, and GI, and had a colonoscopy. Everything came up clean. No cancer, no hemroids, no prolapse (supposedly). I feel like I have to go 24/7. Sometimes I do, but mostly nothing comes out. It take me an immense effort to squeeze out what always turn out to be very soft stools. Now since the scopel, I seem to be leaking a clear fluid from my anus most of the time...usually it is clear and odorless but sometimes it is yellow. Whenever I try to go to the bathroom some flesh buldges up from the side of my anus, and amost fills the hole. I am afraid to leave my house because of the leakage, I don't know what to do. I just sit and cry all day. Please help.

     
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    Old 12-12-2004, 05:06 PM   #2
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    Re: Extremely Depressed Scared confused angry

    chugg603,

    I can sympathise with you completely. Before I was diagnosed with my bowel disorder (too long and complicated to go into) I to suffered from daily, explosive diarrhea. Not only did I have this, but also painful cramping and horrible internal and external hemorrhoids that just became worse with every BM. Like you, I was so frustrated, scared and confused - still am. You just don't know what you have or what is going on with your body and it makes you feel out of control. It's so scarey to go from perfectly healthy to horribly sick with no warning. I am so sorry that I am unable to give you advice on what it is I think that you have, but I just wanted to write in and give you my support and let you know that most of us are feeling the same way you are. You will find a lot of support from the good people on this boards who are going through similar scarey, frustrating and confusing circumstances.

     
    Old 12-12-2004, 07:23 PM   #3
    chugg603
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    Unhappy Re: Extremely Depressed Scared confused angry

    I really appreciate you taking the time to write and give me support. It's just so embarrassing to try to talk to anyone about this. I know what you mean about going from perfectly healthy to horribly sick, because that is exactly what has happened to me. I used to love to eat...anything you put in front of me. Going out to eat was my favorite thing to do. Now I hate it. I try to eat as little as possible, because every time i have a BM, I am terrifed it will be the last time, that the constipation will come back. I used to drive whereever I wanted all the time, I would go to school and then me and my wife would go to the nearest big city and have fun on weekends. Now I don't even go to school. I'm probably going to have to take this semester over. Everyday while my wife is at work I think about going out to my car and running it with the garage door shut and just going to sleep. Then I wouldn't have to think about that fact that my body is falling apart anymore. I miss my old life. I want it back. I want to be able to not be terrified all the time. I have been to Dr. after Dr. and they tell me nothing is wrong. I tell them about the buldging, and they say that I must be imagining it. I'm not. It is huge and red, and it makes it very hard and scarey to have a BM. I seem to have the symptoms of rectal prolapse, but every Dr I have mentioned that to laughs and says I'm too young to have that and anyway men don't get it usually. why won't anybody listen to me? I hope the Dr's are right, because from what I've read the treatment for RP is just as bad as the disease. I don't want to die yet, but when I think about living the rest of my life, from age 24 with fluid leaking from my butt, I just get so depressed, and taking that carbon monxide nap doesn't sound so bad. I told my wife how I was feeling and she made fun of me. I'm sorry to go on like this, and I don't even know if anyone will read it but I wanted to get these feelings out. If anyone is familiar with these symptoms, please write and let me know what you think it is:
    -whenever I push to have a bm i have a red mass of flesh buldge out from the right side of my anus
    -I leak clear odorless fluid most of the time....once in a while it's yellow
    -Stools are soft and dark and are very narrow
    -takes tremendous effort of pushing to get them out
    -Feels like I have to go all the time

    Thanks if anyone is reading this.

     
    Old 12-12-2004, 08:43 PM   #4
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    Re: Extremely Depressed Scared confused angry

    chugg603,

    Ok, more things we have in common. Yes, I too wanted to do myself in. I thought to myself "I am 33 and I have to live the rest of my life like this;" My diet is sooo restricted, there are only about 10 things that I can eat. This disease I have has taken over my world. I don't even know my own body anymore as it certainly is not mine - or at least it wasn't for the previous 33 years of my life. All I know is that I once enjoyed life to the fullest. I could go anywhere I wanted, eat anything i wanted, go out to any restaurant, and now I live everyday according to how my intestines are going to react that day. And forget about eating out. Over Thanksgiving, I had to bring my own special food to dinner to my in-laws house while everyone else ate all of the good stuff, including pies, cookies, sweet potatoes, you name it. If I were to consume ANY of the above, I would become very ill. I have finally, after going through about 5 horrible GI's found one that took me seriously and diagnosed me correctly. I was told things like it is all in your head to you have IBS and there's nothing we can do to help you. Now, I am pretty stable after finding the right GI and a different diagnosis - but I have to watch it constantly. It is the center of my world. I have become so extremely depressed and anxiety ridden over this, but I keep telling myself that suicide is no option. If God wanted to take me, I would be gone by now. I have to be here for my husband and one year old daughter. There is a reason I am on this earth - although I don't have the slightest idea at the moment - there is a reason and I am NOT going to let this get the best of me. Now, it took me about a year to get this through my head and I still struggle with it at times. As a matter of fact, I was on the phone with my mother talking about this exact thing. I am going to seek therapy and get myself on an anti-depressent. Maybe you might want to think about doing the same thing. There IS a light at the end of the tunnel. It may take a little while to find, but there is. I would hate to see you end your life when help and a healthy life was right around the corner, or at least a way of coping with it. Please consider therapy. A therapist can help you understand and deal with your situation. Also, anti-depressents are a HUGE help while you are getting through this tough time. Please consider them.

    I am so so sorry that your wife is not more supportive of your situation. Maybe you should have a serious heart to heart with her about exactly how you are feeling. I get so angry when spouses don't support each other in times of need. Remind her of the "for better or for worse; in sickness and in health" section of the wedding vows. I remind my hubby all the time. It is so hard for people to understand how a little diarrhea, cramping, hemorrhoid problem etc.. can take over your life and make you feel anxiety ridden, depressed and out of control. I had a GI actually look at me when I told him how I was feeling (depression etc...) over all of this and he looked at me and said "really, well that's strange - you shouldn't".

    Also, please go to more GI's. I was a pitbull in my pursuit of an answer and I was not going to stop until I found an answer. It is NOT acceptable for a GI to tell you that what you are feeling (the prolapsed buldge) is all in your head. You know when you feel a buldge. That is pretty obvious. That buldge is probably the reason why you feel that you have to "go" all the time. It feels like you have someting up there that needs to come out. Go to more GIs and have them scope you again fand look for hemorrhoids that they may have missed or may have developed more since your last scope. Also, explain that you have this prolapsing buldge and you want to know what it is and all of your other symptoms you mentioned here on the board, including the leakage. Please do NOT give up until you find an answer. A doctor is supposed to work on your case until something definitive can be found. Please Please Please keep trying. Others should post more on Monday. Usually the weekends are a slow time on the boards and they may have better insight as to what you have based on your symptoms.

    Also please if you are feeling down and need support, come to the boards. We will help you through it!!

    Dana

     
    Old 12-27-2004, 02:28 PM   #5
    leefromnj
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    Re: Extremely Depressed Scared confused angry

    did you go on the Anti-depressant? I just started taking Paxil

     
    Old 12-27-2004, 05:13 PM   #6
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    Re: Extremely Depressed Scared confused angry

    leefromnj,

    Actually, I have an appointment with a psychiatrist tomorrow. I have to get on SOMETHING. I thought my bowel issues were getting better, but the past few weeks have proven me wrong. I have been feeling really horrible and the anxiety and depression that comes with it is just as bad. I am so scared that I am going to end up like I was 8 months ago - bed-ridden with pain and constant diarrhea - and that alone is causing me to have serious anxiety attacks and depression. We'll see what he has to say.

    I sure hope the paxil is going to work out for you. Why exactly are you taking it? Do you have health issues as well that cause anxiety/depression?

     
    Old 12-28-2004, 06:14 AM   #7
    leefromnj
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    Re: Extremely Depressed Scared confused angry

    Firewoman-
    Yup...same as yours actually. IBS-Colitis-GERD i was real sick about 2yrs ago from all of it...Lost 35 lbs. (I'm a young in shape 32yr old male). So now every time i get the slightest tummy problem i get the anxiety...so thats why i take the Paxil.
    Let me know how it goes.
    _lee

     
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