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  • TBI, changed our lives

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    Old 10-23-2018, 11:45 PM   #1
    Ned445
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    TBI, changed our lives

    I was in an accident, since then I have been battling with pain, depression, anxiety and anger. I currently still see typically see 4 to 5 doctors a week. Last year is in serious depression state, I was done seeing doctors, I was done with all treatment. Nine months ago I finally had surgery on my neck. They fused my vertebrae at 4-5 I thought I was getting better, in all actuality I was getting worse a little at a time. As the months came and went I was getting more irritated, angry, verbally assaulting. Then I would get better for a while and then it would be like before only worse. Soon I became all of that as well as physical in my rampage. Soon it was happening more often than before. My girlfriend said she thought it was from my tbi, my son was reluctant to say much. Eventually it got to the point where it was happening every couple weeks. I knew something was wrong but unsure what it was. After several months of this she was at a point were she was done. We were able to patch things up for a while and then one night I lost it completely. I don't remember everything about that night I do remember having uncontrollable emotions and feelings. I was out of control, I broke a lamp, a few small trinkets and hit the wall, that wasn't the worst part. At some point during this rage I hit her head with my head. She let me stay the night and the next morning I got up I tried to apologize this time it went to far. She brought me coffee left me take a shower we talked for a while and then I left. At first I tried to apologize for my actions and I was trying to take care of the things that I broke. At first she was willing but after some time she had put her wall up, who could blame her. We have known each other for most of our lives, we have been together for 3 years just after my accident. She generally sees me once a week, she allows me to hug her and text her with an occasional phone call. As of now I'm in counseling, going to a tbi/mental health clinic and working on myself. I'm not blaming anyone for what I've done although I have asked family and friends if they seen such a dramatic change in me why didn't anyone step up. My answer from my son was we didn't think you would be open to it, more than likely he was correct. So know I'm worried that I may have lost the best woman to ever walk into my life. Before Lisa I didn't know that life could be so simple, I was always a workaholic. Never living life, didn't know what that actually meant. She has taught me more, shown me things that I would have never experienced. I learned that no meant no ( a personal thing) I could go on for days about the things I experienced. With all this being said I know that I mentally, emotionally and physically hurt her. I'm looking for advice from everyone if there is some way that I can give her trust back in me, back in us. Like I said before I have known her for most of my life, we started dating 3ish years ago. I honestly knew from the first time we kissed on our 3rd date that she was the one. I have never been married, I have had some long term relationships but the night she kissed me it was different. I changed for the first time in my life I was truly happy and in love. Does anyone have any suggestions, advice or just general comments on what I can do. I am honestly and truly in love with her. She told me yesterday that love can die my response was that I have seen trees burnt to the ground and yet they find a way back to life. Again I will listen and take any advice you have for me.
    Thank you

    Last edited by Administrator; 10-24-2018 at 01:55 PM.

     
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    Old 10-24-2018, 08:02 AM   #2
    yayagirl
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    Re: TBI, changed our lives

    Dear Ned,

    I am sorry that you have hardships.

    I am going to cut to the chase and answer your last question. There is nothing you can do but let go of her and take care of your own fear, anger and compulsiveness issues, which you already had long before the accident and is evident by your own words. If by chance WAY down the road, IF she approaches you, then MAYBE you have a chance. But that is a LONG shot and you need to direct attention to your own problem and leave her alone.

    That you had not known that no means no, and you never let your guard down before getting involved with her is about you, not about her. We need to clean up our own act and deal with our own issues because it is the right thing to do. Not to get or keep a friend. She makes her own decisions for herself. People can have your health issues and not act out toward others or push others away. Those are your own personality defects, and they are not acceptable. I think she would be mentally unbalanced to take another risk with you, now.

    It is up to us to make decisions out of self-respect, not to soothe someone else. Until we do that we are not relationship material. You already have a compulsiveness problem and were non-committal before you met her. You have relational problems and are dependent and insecure.


    Personally I would not ever trust a person that headbutt me, again. You are a danger both to yourself and to others. That you have pain or physical problems are your issues to take care of. It is not up to others to tell you what to do when you have any sort of problem.

    Personally I would not ever trust a person that goes into a rampage because he has pain or that head butt me. While I am sorry that you have hardships, we all have very hard things to deal with. I would not advise her to let that burnt down to the ground tree grow again. I advise you to learn self-control management and get yourself to doctors on your own when you are suffering. Serious depression that makes you 'done' with doctors is your personal problems and is not wise or intelligent. You need to deal with your own resistance to doing what can be done and seeking appropriate help on your own. You are an adult, not a child.

    Take care of yourself. Don't do it out of hope to prove something to someone else. Don't do it to win someone back. Do it because that is the adult, grown-up thing to do.

    We each need to learn to be our own best friend.
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    Last edited by Administrator; 10-24-2018 at 01:16 PM.

     
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    Old 10-24-2018, 09:05 AM   #3
    Ned445
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    Re: TBI, changed our lives

    Thank you for your response. The amount of physical pain I was in was off the charts, still no reason for what I had done. As far as no means no that was a personal thing between us that we both agreed to regarding us having sex. It was an ongoing joke that shared with each other still to this day. We still talk, we still see each other and support each other. I wasn't this way before we met or after we met. It was something that was happening over the course of time
    primarily this last year. I'm not saying I'm not without my issues, they have never been an issue in my past or present relationships. I appreciate your input and all I'm doing is working on myself for the past three months.

     
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    Old 10-24-2018, 10:15 AM   #4
    quincy
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    Re: TBI, changed our lives

    I suggest you both go to counselling for her input on neutral territory. She may have things to say there that she cannot otherwise.

    Trees regrowing from fire regrow from newly fertile ground with all the crap removed....so that means a lot more than just from destruction.

    q

     
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    Old 10-24-2018, 01:37 PM   #5
    yayagirl
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    Re: TBI, changed our lives

    Dear Ned,

    That's great that you are still friendly. However, we can only change ourselves as I am sure you know. I believe we need to work on ourselves and leave the recipient of our own bad choices out of it. What you did wasn't about your friend. I have suffered off the charts physical & mental pain myself, so I know that hardship.

    A good psychologist can really help you get your self straightened out. If you pursue your own mental health, and share what you see in yourself and let her see the changes maybe someday she will trust you again.

    God bless you in your recovery.
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