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I feel like I don't exist ...


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Old 05-25-2017, 05:19 AM   #1
Magixoxo
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I feel like I don't exist ...

hi..this isn't going to make a lot of sense but I'll try explaining in detail...

Okay, so ever since I was in year 9 I first noticed whilst sitting in class that something felt weird. Although I couldn't put my finger on it but I felt like I was in a fog.

At first I thought I had a breathing problem, because my chest would get tight for no reason, but as the year went on my head started feeling weird. I noticed I didn't feel 'normal' as in physically like I always could detect that something was off with my head and ever since then I haven't felt normal since.

I quickly started getting episodes where I would feel weird, I remember sitting in class and I felt overwhelmed with a 'floating' feeling like my body had no weight to it. That lasted for a couple seconds but it set of a full blown panic attack because I had never felt anything like that intense before...the anxiety just made that floaty feeling come back and I felt like I didn't exist.

Fast forward 3 years of feeling constantly odd and weird and feeling depressed and hopeless with myself-

I still didn't want to believe something was wrong with me. I tried so hard to be normal but going to school became insanely hard for me to do. Catching the bus- I couldn't do it. I was struggling and just didn't feel like myself anymore.

When I get these episodes, I first notice that I go in a numb state to everything.

I remember having a full blown panic attack about it, screaming and crying because my body felt waaay too light, like I wasnt touching the floor. I felt like I had just died and now I'm just floating without a personality or anything I just feel like I'm floating. It's horrible.

I've had some other weird things happen, like I've felt my whole body go numb before, I forgot how to spell words like all words. I tried speaking or typing and it just got jumbled up in my head without my control.

I'm 18 now, and I've bee to my doctor. It he says it's life, like live with it kinda thing and I just felt so depressed with myself after that , that I never brought my problem up. I tried convinsijg myself that I was making it all up, but it's all out of my control so I can't even trick myself into believing what I feel isn't real.

I'm sorry. I'm just afraid now. I feel like it's slowly getting worse.

It doesn't matter how calm I feel, I still get those episodes and it gets heightened whenever I'm in town.

I know it all sounds like depersonalisation, and I have experienced feeling like My body isn't mine but I feel like it doesnt explain how I can just randomly go physically numb and floaty. I don't feel detached from my surroundings I just feel weird and confused...

Sorry if none of this made sense but thankyou for reading or for any help you could suggest

 
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Old 05-25-2017, 08:13 AM   #2
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Re: I feel like I don't exist ...

Hi Magixoxo.

What you have written sounds like Depersonalization/Derealization Disorder. From what you have explained it's possible you experienced anxiety/panic attacks as a child which can trigger Depersonalization/Derealization Disorder.

A Psychiatrist is a MD and specializes in Mental Health problems and their treatment. If you have not been to a Psychiatrist I would suggest doing so.
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Old 05-25-2017, 08:43 AM   #3
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Re: I feel like I don't exist ...

Hi, This is a very important question. Have you ever had times when you black out and do not remember what you did? Example. A person goes to start doing laundry and they realize that it has already been done. Knowing they are the only person in the house it freaks them out because they realize somehow they already did it. They have no memory of doing it.

 
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Old 05-25-2017, 01:24 PM   #4
Magixoxo
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Re: I feel like I don't exist ...

Quote:
Originally Posted by GabrielleD View Post
Hi, This is a very important question. Have you ever had times when you black out and do not remember what you did? Example. A person goes to start doing laundry and they realize that it has already been done. Knowing they are the only person in the house it freaks them out because they realize somehow they already did it. They have no memory of doing it.


Hiii, um rarely. Its nothing crazy like it's mostly over small things like putting something away then randomly forgetting that I did it kinda thing?

 
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Old 05-25-2017, 01:28 PM   #5
Magixoxo
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Re: I feel like I don't exist ...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Snoopy61 View Post
Hi Magixoxo.

What you have written sounds like Depersonalization/Derealization Disorder. From what you have explained it's possible you experienced anxiety/panic attacks as a child which can trigger Depersonalization/Derealization Disorder.

A Psychiatrist is a MD and specializes in Mental Health problems and their treatment. If you have not been to a Psychiatrist I would suggest doing so.
Yeah..after writing this I kinda pondered that maybe it's just how I experience Dp/Dr ..yeah as a kid I would like always ponder about space and what happens when you die (i know that sounds a little weird I would just wonder about things) but yeah basically me saying that, that would make sense, but thankyou for taking some time to read my message and help me I really really appreciate it

 
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