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  • please help one knows whats wrong with me...i fear i cant go on..

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    Old 07-11-2004, 08:08 PM   #31
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    Question Re: please help one knows whats wrong with me...i fear i cant go on..

    Three things came to me:

    1. Needs deliverance

    2. I do not know if to laugh or cry

    and 3. Too lost for words at the choices some individuals make.

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    Old 07-14-2004, 07:44 PM   #32
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    Re: please help one knows whats wrong with me...i fear i cant go on..

    As a former Paxil user and rec drug user, I can tell you that certain drugs (prescription and illegal) can really screw with your brain chemicals and cause all sorts of weird sypmtoms. I agree with other advice here to detox off all drugs and even the meds. Paxil worked great for me, but it's not a long-term solution, and getting off of it was HELL. You can't quit it cold turkey - you have to wean off it. One step at a time! Good luck!

    Old 02-28-2005, 06:14 PM   #33
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    The Madness

    Wow, I was sure hoping for better news when I went searching, -but it is what it is.

    I am on day 16 of the very same journey that many of you are describing. Day zero was, of course, what I very strongly believe to have been a hot hit of E. Based on a book my brother and I were reading at the time, -I have dubbed this malady "The Madness."

    Right now, I've got the whole ball of horrors, -trembling hands, occasional tiredness, sleeplessness, -a weird feeling of a vibratung sort of pressure moving through my skull and a tingling numbness that shoots down my arms and legs. Frequently, my heart races and I am nearly paralyzed with anxiety.

    I hope that people who are serious about fixing a health problem will continue to respond to these messages, and that moderators will do a better job of keeping out people who just want to insult us to feel better about themselves. In the meantime, please, if you are serious about seeking help, don't be discouraged by those few. I can't imagine that anyone who has experienced this would ever take an illegal drug again in their lives.

    One point I want to make is that I took the E with 5 other people, all of whom had taken it many times before without incident, -but that this time, we all suffered the same nightmarish come-down, and after-effects. Apparently the batch that we 6 got that was adulterated. I don't know what was in it, but I think, in addition to low quality E, strychnine is a good bet.

    Even though strychnine in X is rare, it does happen, and because the
    sympoms we had seem identical to the standard presentation, -I'd say
    we got some. If we had, (as some do) taken "a few" instead of one, we
    could easily have died. Now, -all the research I have done on
    strychnine says it wears off very quickly with no long-term effects,
    -however- that research wasn't done on people who were taking it with

    E causes minor depletion, and sometimes damage to neurons of the 5-HT
    serotonin variety, -and strychnine is neuro-toxic to just about
    everything. My educated guess is that the two, when taken together as
    they should NEVER be, have a synergistic neuro-toxic effect,
    "stripping" in effect, the neurons in the serotonergic system.

    The particular type of neuro-toxicity caused by E, (generally only seen in heavy users) is called "axonal bursting." It sucks and it can last a while,
    but it is, for the most part, reversible simply by avoiding further
    poisonings. Of course, research about the reversibility of axonal bursting probably wasn't done on people who took their E in conjunction with
    strychnine, -so who knows.

    I must say that after so many people have had the exact same series of symptoms, -starting with a bad E experience, it blows my mind that doctors who should know better are telling you it had nothing to do with the drug. They should lose their licenses for that kind of of garbage.

    Have any of you tried taking 5-HTP? I have begun taking 100 mg / day of
    5-HTP, -a supplement you can buy at any health store. All studies suggest that 5-HTP is practically a wonder-drug for a variety of reasons, but it is first
    and foremost a direct pre-cursor to Serotonin, so -it probably won't hurt, and it might help a little.

    Bottom line, -has anyone else found anything that helped them make their lives normal again, after the Madness? Has anyone (pretty please) had it simple wear off over time?

    Old 08-11-2005, 12:07 PM   #34
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    Re: please help one knows whats wrong with me...i fear i cant go on..

    Boy i hope people still read this cos i've joined the club....
    No details required....heavy e use (stoopidly did 9 pills one night) and since then....pressure sensation, kind of like a fried dense feeling right?, we all describe it differently but it is the same thing.... it was soooo bad in the first ten days after it happened, but then suddenly it went...but not completely and keeps coming back with varying's been about 10 months for me now...alcohol helps temporarily ....blah blah....

    How are all of you? Let me know.....hope u're better

    Do you think the anxiety we felt after it happened, remained and that is what we feel? - just memory of thinking "what have i done". I do not underestimate the psycological aspect...but can it really be all psycological. Who knows.... but the body is a wonderful thing......

    i've started thinking it was brain damage recently but reading your posts, if i get a scan they'll probably just tell me that there's nothing wrong.....but here's a thought:

    We feel like we should feel the way we do because of our e abuse (or whatever). Why should that go for no reason. Shouldn't we have to earn our normal brain feeling back? Just the reverse of why it happened in the first place...? We did something bad - we feel bad....we do something good - we feel good. Exercise, good sleep, no alcohol, (is no caffeine that important?) no drugs of course, good attitude, good lifestyle, ambition, love, and why not reiki, yoga, spiritual healing, etc etc

    in however long it takes - 1 year, 5 years or 20 years...if we do should go.....right?

    Old 08-11-2005, 12:54 PM   #35
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    Re: please help one knows whats wrong with me...i fear i cant go on..

    one more thing while i'm online that i have noticed in my research

    if i came up to you, or posted a reply, saying that i am an expert neurologist in the field of narcotics and i have done extensive research on ecstacy and its effect on the brain, and told you that you have done permanent severe brain damage that will never repair.... u will all get really worried and how bad it feels will suddenly multiply 1000x fold.

    If i said the same thing about who i was, but now instead i believed you had done very very minor damage that will repair itself in a couple of years at most and u will undoubtedly make a full recovery......u would feel GREAT. These feelings would suddenly become no more than a little tingle.


    Old 10-08-2005, 12:16 PM   #36
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    Re: please help one knows whats wrong with me...i fear i cant go on..

    Hi Crazy, and anyone else who is still listening.

    Its been over 6 months since my bad E experience, -without a doubt, it remains the scariest experience of my life. I have a number of updates, -where to begin?

    First of all, I went to see 3 neurologists who said my condition was entirely psychological, -but then I finally got to see a true expert, and he noticed something the others had missed, (namely, the tremor). The others were just confused by the weirdness of the symptoms and literally did not see the tremor during the neurological tests.

    So, the Dr. who saw the tremor thought that the bad E might have caused a stroke, so he sent me to get an MRI, and here my story seems to differ from everyone else's, because they actually found something: what appears to be a small basal ganglia infarct on the right side of my brain. While they can't determine what this area is with 100% certainty, it would appear that yes, I had a stroke.

    And many of you may have had strokes as well, but you may have had numerous small ones that wouldn't show up on an MRI, rather than 1 large one.

    Which is not to say I am 100% convinced. Another possibility has been intriguing me recently. I know I was VERY VERY sick with unfamiliar Asian bugs when I took the X. Recent studies prove that X dramatically lowers the imune system and makes people succeptible to all kinds of weird infections, including Menengitis. I think I may have had Menengitis. I was so sick the next day that I went to a Doctor in China to get antibiotics. If I had Menengitis without knowing it, taking the antibiotics for what I thought was a bad cold may have saved my life.

    So, how am I doing? Partially recovered is the best description I can give. One thing that is still around is the fact that I am, in general, more prone to tremor of all kinds than I was before. If something scares me, for example, my hands, particularly the left, will tend to shake. Hey - it kind of sucks, but I consider myself lucky. Having a shaky hand every so often is not going to decrease the over-all happiness of my life.

    The whole experience did throw me for a major loop, though. I took a month off for disability, then went back to work. I have about 90% of the energy I did before. Sometimes, my feelings of lethargy do impact my job, but I feel like this is going away. I got on Lexapro for a little while because the experience seemed to have triggered an episode of depression, which I am prone to anyway. I am still taking the Lexapro now, but it is not a permanent result of my E experience, just something I do when I need it.

    Caffeine, by the way, is absolute poison to me now. If I drink a coffee, I feel too jittery to work. If I have 2 coffees, I nearly go into convulsions. Funny, because I used to drink about 6 cups a day. Maybe the silver lining is that without Caffeine, my heart will be healthier and I will live longer. And I have not taken an illegal drug since my experience, so maybe sobriety is another silver lining. Though I have had powerful cravings for cigarettes.

    Hey crazy, -9 hits? You were in the danger zone even if you had pure stuff!

    Seriously though, I hope you are doing well now.

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