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VeraD 02-06-2017 05:32 AM

best friend diagnosed w/brain cancer
 
It's been just a little over two weeks since my best friend was diagnosed with stage 4 lung & brain cancer. I don't have much more information than that since she cut me off soon after finding out. I am told not to take it personally, but I fear that I have been robbed of the precious gift of time. I understand that every case is different, but if this is a common reaction, what are the odds that people will let their loved ones back in?

I noticed changes in her prior to her diagnosis and the biggest one is her loss of empathy. I couldn't believe some of the things that she said. It makes sense now. I'm also wondering if her brain tumor has affected her ability to have the same connections with people. I do not know the exact location of the tumor, other than it is on "the right side."

I know this isn't about me, but I am struggling terribly. We've always been by each others sides through the good and the ugly. In fact, it seems we've been a source of strength through more of "the ugly" than the good. I'm able to intellectualize this, but my heart is really not accepting her choice to shut me out.

sweetpotato13 02-06-2017 04:58 PM

Re: best friend diagnosed w/brain cancer
 
I'm so sorry to hear about your friend's very grim diagnosis and of course we KNOW that you know that it's not about you, but your feelings are totally understandable. I wish there was something I could say to give you hope that your friend will come around. I can't. You are already grieving a friendship that has meant a lot to you. You feel shut out and I get that. I think you have no choice but, out of love and respect for your friend, you accept her wishes (or the wishes of her illness....who knows how much of this is the brain cancer talking....) but stay in touch as best you can with the people close to her she cannot escape (is she married?). Send her a card or drop off a meal. Find out what she is capable of still enjoying and meet those needs in small ways. Does she still like music? Send a special soundtrack her family can play for her.
Is she still able to read and comprehend? Send a book you know she will like.
NONE of these things will give you back your friendship if your friend is unable to give of herself in this way. But when she does pass, you will know that even when she pushed you away, you kept on loving her. And that is what friendship is all about.

movielover40 02-07-2017 12:06 PM

Re: best friend diagnosed w/brain cancer
 
Praying for your friend.

guitarhillbilly 09-19-2020 04:27 PM

Re: best friend diagnosed w/brain cancer
 
[QUOTE=VeraD;5448945]It's been just a little over two weeks since my best friend was diagnosed with stage 4 lung & brain cancer. I don't have much more information than that since she cut me off soon after finding out. I am told not to take it personally, but I fear that I have been robbed of the precious gift of time. I understand that every case is different, but if this is a common reaction, what are the odds that people will let their loved ones back in?

I noticed changes in her prior to her diagnosis and the biggest one is her loss of empathy. I couldn't believe some of the things that she said. It makes sense now. I'm also wondering if her brain tumor has affected her ability to have the same connections with people. I do not know the exact location of the tumor, other than it is on "the right side."

I know this isn't about me, but I am struggling terribly. We've always been by each others sides through the good and the ugly. In fact, it seems we've been a source of strength through more of "the ugly" than the good. I'm able to intellectualize this, but my heart is really not accepting her choice to shut me out.[/QUOTE]

Sweetpotato13 gave you some very good advice.

Please know that at sometime in this journey your friend may not even know you but You still Know her. You have to keep the friendship going otherwise it dies.

Now my experience with a close friend with Brain Lymphoma.

Words do matter and some times the establishment paints a rosie picture and gives false hope to the patient and their family. I experienced this very up close with a friend of mine who had brain lymphoma and eventually died from the disease. It was heartbreaking watching the torture he went thru with multiple brain surgeries-Chemo [methyotrexate - IVs] and radiation all along the medical establishment knowing there was no known effective treatment for the type of brain lymphoma he had. BTW- The Round 4 Chemo almost killed him by wiping out his white Blood Cell Count to ZERO and creating a nasty Infection. He never walked after that. Spent the next several months in a wheelchair helpless before he died.
From my perspective the treatment did not prolong or improve his life but prolonged his suffering and dying. This happened 10 years ago and it still eats me when I think about about it. Although my friend is no longer with us on this earth he is still my friend.

P.S. I'm sorry if this causes someone distress who read this but I'm just stating a real life experience.

Surviving Prostate Cancer ONE day at a time.


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