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Should I Assume Infidelity?

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Old 04-21-2006, 08:55 AM   #1
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: charleston, south carolina, usa
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wheat HB User
Should I Assume Infidelity?

I married my high school sweetheart 22 years ago, after dating for 6 years. He has been my only sexual partner. Four years ago, just before turning 40, I had a bad pap, followed by a colposcopy. I had severe dysplasia and ultimately LEEP procedure. My margins came back clean. I had paps every 4 months for 2 years and all was fine. Just this past week (four years later) I had another bad pap, showing mild dysplasia and I had my colposcopy yesterday. I am awaiting results. Of course, I have been researching the condition and I am haunted by the question---I understand that HPV is sexually transmitted and is the underlying cause for the readings I have had. So, has my husband been unfaithful? Did my original LEEP effectively remove the virus the first time and am I to assume that he has been unfaithful in the past four year period?? Like any 20 year marriage, we have had our challenges---but, this is not an area that I ever thought I had a problem....please offer your advise.

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Old 04-21-2006, 09:58 AM   #2
Join Date: Oct 2005
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kitkatD HB User
Re: Should I Assume Infidelity?

Have you been his only partner? If not, you may have contracted HPV long, long ago. I have heard of widowed women in their 70s getting HPV & not having a partner in 20 something years. I would not jump to the conclusion that he has been cheating. Sometimes it takes many years to develop. On a side note, I read somewhere...maybe here, that it was possible for men to get this from sharing jock straps?

Old 04-21-2006, 10:19 AM   #3
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susieq0726 HB Usersusieq0726 HB Usersusieq0726 HB Usersusieq0726 HB Usersusieq0726 HB Usersusieq0726 HB Usersusieq0726 HB User
Re: Should I Assume Infidelity?

No. Don't assume he has been unfaithful. I had the exact same thing happen to me about three yrs ago. In my entire life I had never had an abnormal pap smear, and then boom. It came back abnormal and I had to have a colposcopy. Thank God, that came back normal and my paps have been normal ever since.
My doctor explained that HPV can be dorment in your body for yrs. I did the same thing you did: Thought my wonderful husband had cheated. He didn't, but that's the first thing you think of.
Are you your husband's only partner? I am not positive, but though HPV is sexually transmitted, I beleive you can just have the potential cells in your body, and they can appear or not appear.

Old 04-21-2006, 10:47 AM   #4
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Timber HB UserTimber HB User
Re: Should I Assume Infidelity?

Do not assume infidelity. HPV is extremely easy to contract. I've spoken with at least two women who ended up with HPV even though they AND their husbands were virgins. My mother just got an abnormal PAP and she's been in a monogamous marriage for 25 years. HPV is very mysterious to me. Sexual transmission is the most likely route of infection but not absolutely the only.

Furthermore, HPV can stay in your body for MANY years. LEEP does not remove the virus - it ONLY removes abnormal cells caused by the virus. Your current dysplasia could very well have been caused by the same exposure that caused your dysplasia 4 years ago.

This isn't to say that infidelity is impossible - I don't know your husband obviously, so I have no idea if it's likely. But do not ASSUME it if you have no other reason to believe it to be so.

Last edited by Timber; 04-21-2006 at 10:48 AM.

Old 04-24-2006, 05:46 PM   #5
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Portsmouth, Va
Posts: 76
ilovesporty HB User
Re: Should I Assume Infidelity?

I would say no as well. I know someone who has never had sex in her entire life (she is about 40) and still got cervical cancer. Her doctors told her that it's rare but it does happen.
Meg, 26, 1a1 cervical adenocarcinoma, cone 12/12/05, 2nd cone/pelvic lymphadenectomy 3/1/06, NED
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