It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....

Cancer: Colon Message Board

Help with a difficult family member!

Post New Thread   Closed Thread
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 10-30-2011, 08:10 AM   #1
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Reno, NV
Posts: 1
jdruby HB User
Help with a difficult family member!

My mother was diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer about 3 months ago. She is in total denial about it, and thinks that talking about it in any way is negative thinking. So her "I'm fine. I'm going to be fine" mantra means positive thinking for her. Since the day of her diagnosis, she has not driven, and she pretty much spends her days in bed. Two weeks ago, she was taken via ambulance to the local hospital with a severe bowel obstruction, and has since had a transverse loop colostomy. She was discharged to a rehab center 3 days ago.

She is refusing to get out of bed. She is refusing to participate in her stoma care. She threw up when the nurse make her look at her stoma. Now she claims that she's too tired to manage anything, so she's letting the staff at the rehab hospital do it for her. She thinks that she is going home in a few days - that she doesn't need to be at the rehab facility.

I live 800 miles away, and while she has a few friends, a devoted cousin, and a super busy daughter-in-law who try their best to care for her, I'm concerned about her prognosis and the thought of her returning home by herself. She's fairly isolated, living in a very rural community 45 minutes from the hospital. I know that she's depressed, but I don't know what to do. She's avoided chemo like the plague (but keeps telling us that she's going to go). While I love my mother, she's driving me crazy with her unwillingness to even pretend to participate in her treatment. Help! Any suggestions are welcome! Thanks in advance! And, I have learned so much from your posts. You're my heroes!

Sponsors Lightbulb
Old 10-30-2011, 05:30 PM   #2
Junior Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: durham NC
Posts: 17
FavoriteAuntL HB User
Re: Help with a difficult family member!

i'm sorry. This is a difficult disease. I'm going to ask a question and I mean no disrespect to you, your family or any readers. Does you mom believe that her Faith and Prayers are going to 'make everything fine?' There is an important difference being being 'cured' and 'healed'. Cured is medical, science, etc. Healed is more of the spirit, feelings, faith. A person can be considered terminal by the medical community and still feel healed (at peace and ready to face what comes next). Could it be that you mom actually has accepted her diagnosis and just needs help coming to terms with it?

it sounds like she would benefit from talking to a professional, a support group and / or her clergy (if applicable). This can be a dehumanizing disease. Perhaps she needs help transitioning from the caretaker (mother) to the care-needer (patient).

RE: her stoma. I hated mine. it made me feel like an alien creature. it felt dirty, smelly, and yucky. Yes, it is part of the 'human process' and was necessary. But that did not mean i had to like it! Give her time to get used to it. Also check into all the colostomy bag options. The ones they provide at med facilities are usually the most clumsy, least expensive ones available. Once i got the disposable bags with the adhesive ring, i was much happier.

Lastly, don't drive your self insane. Just keep telling her you love her and always will. Good luck and keep us updated.

Closed Thread

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Board Replies Last Post
Please help I'm scared! kbenner Cancer: Colon 4 08-03-2007 02:44 PM
Rectal cancer surgery recovery and bloated abdomen. Please help! leslie01907 Cancer: Colon 4 03-01-2007 12:09 PM
looking for help and advice RS_Scotland Cancer: Colon 13 09-05-2006 03:43 PM
Family History...When to start Exams? mauvais Cancer: Colon 3 08-22-2006 06:27 AM
Stage IV Colon Cancer (help!!) charlotte02 Cancer: Colon 3 05-13-2006 11:59 AM
Please Help ME Calm Down Sandra49 Cancer: Colon 7 02-24-2006 06:16 AM
Need help asking doctor for a colonoscopy Pondering Cancer: Colon 2 03-08-2005 10:13 PM
secondary cancer, "Reliv" help? blueschy2 Cancer: Colon 4 02-18-2005 04:55 AM
Help Lorry49 Cancer: Colon 15 11-21-2004 04:07 PM
Stage 4 ... Help Barb'sSis Cancer: Colon 4 07-10-2004 03:53 AM

denial, depression

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off

Sign Up Today!

Ask our community of thousands of members your health questions, and learn from others experiences. Join the conversation!

I want my free account

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 07:35 AM.

Site owned and operated by™
© 1998-2018™ All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!