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Cancer: Lung Message Board

Need to prepare my daughter...

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Old 11-03-2003, 01:55 PM   #1
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happytiggers HB User
Unhappy Need to prepare my daughter...

I'll try to make a long story short... my 15 yr old daughter lives with her father & her grandparents. Her grandfather received the results of his biopsy back last week & he has inoperable lung cancer (they had no idea until he had a mild heart attack a week before that). I don't know what type, but the doctors told him that chemo & radiation would not do any good. He's been given 1-2 months. My daughters emotional support system with her father is pretty much non-existent, so I need to try to prepare her for what is going to happen during this time. I was wondering if anybody had a website they could direct me to or could tell me what the stages of his passing might be so that I can talk with her about it.

Thank you in advance,

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Old 11-03-2003, 04:14 PM   #2
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LeisaH HB UserLeisaH HB User
Hello Amanda First of all what I learnt is that it is okay to cry with your daughter. Next let her lead the discussion but ensure her that you are willing to talk to her about it. A good book to read is called the Final Gifts. You may also want to video tape this journey of his. Never give up hope...... hope will always change, but never give it up. Another book is called my grandpa and me.... it is an awesome time together, finding out things about grandpa and what he likes. It is a workbook that is done with your daughter and her grandfather.... Talking about the things may keep the air open between them too.

Good Luck

Old 11-03-2003, 05:26 PM   #3
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Those are a couple of great ideas! The difficult part about it is that she lives about 300 miles away from me! I talk to her on the phone at least 3x a week, but of course it's not the same as being there. Her father depends on her for emotional support & she's pretty much taken on the role of adult in the household. It's a very long story, but it hasn't been a healthy environment for her since he & I divorced. Now with the health of her grandfather deteriorating & everything, I just really want to be able to prepare her for what to expect as far as the progression. She's worrying about his breathing problems and the medications making him sleep all the time. What are the stages of the illness as it progresses? Will he have psychotic episodes or anything? How to I tell her what to be ready for if I don't even know? That's why I'm looking for a website or something that can give me a guideline..


Old 11-04-2003, 06:49 AM   #4
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Ballston Spa, NY USA
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mephoto HB User
Hi Amanda,

The final stages of lung cancer are ugly. My dad is going through them now. The docs tell us he has less than 2 months. He was admitted to the hospice unit at our hospital three weeks ago, they regulated his medications, and today he is going home. He is very sleepy and it is difficult for him to walk (he has mets in his hip), but he does still walk. He is a fighter and he is going to suck every bit of life out of this disease. He has a hard time talking for long periods of time because he gets short of breath. He uses oxygen for most of the day. The nurses at the hospice inn told us what to look for in the days and weeks to come. Maybe this will help you, they said that he will begin to sleep much more, he will fade in and out of consciousness, he will not recognize us toward the end, they said that they will probably know when his passing is immenent because his extremities will change colors. Like a bluish. Then he will only have days left. I know my dad is toward the end of this disease but it is still so hard for me to see it, because he is doing pretty good right now, but they said he could change overnight, so we need to be prepared. My dad is only 60 years old and is a non-smoker. I would highly recommend you contact the hospice unit near your family and get them enrolled. They would be a tremendous support system not only for your daughters grandpa but also for your daughter and anyone else in the family that needs emotional support or anything! I hope everything goes well in the weeks and months ahead for you, it looks like our family's are in the same stages, I will keep you and your family in my prayers.

Old 11-04-2003, 10:01 AM   #5
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zuzu8 HB Userzuzu8 HB Userzuzu8 HB Userzuzu8 HB Userzuzu8 HB Userzuzu8 HB User
Amanda- here is MEDLINE's website with information on lung cancer from many different resources which may give you some much needed additional info.
Hope it helps.

[url] h&SERVER2=server2&SERVER1=server1&PARAME TER=lung+cancer&x=19&y=7[/url]

zuzu xx

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