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Tjr123 07-12-2004 09:07 PM

Even more bad news...
Today we found out the cancer is not only in the lungs but has spread to his bones. How could this have happened?! It is all happening so fast.

moily 07-13-2004 08:48 AM

Re: Even more bad news...
So sorry for what you and your family are going through. I lost my 47 year old sister on April 13 from lung cancer. Unfortunately sometimes the first sign is bone pain- other symptoms such as cough or shortness of breath may be so mild that the person doesnt take them seriously. Sometimes there may be no other symptoms present. God bless you, we will be praying for you.

Lady_J_1_01 07-15-2004 01:36 AM

Re: Even more bad news...
I to will be praying for you. Cancer has many faces, none are ever forgetable. I wish you much courage and strength in the days ahead. I hope pain will be managed well and each day the fullest it can be. Mattie

renee_ky 07-17-2004 07:20 AM

Re: Even more bad news...
Hi Tjr- So sorry to hear the bad news. Unfortunately, this cancer is often not caught until it is in the bone. With Scott, his cancer was detected because he broke his hip, it had been eaten away by cancer. This detection was made almost 6 months after he was treated for pneumonia, the cancer was there the whole time (in his lung) but not seen.

I continue to think of you and your family. Sorry I have not responded sooner, it was been a VERY busy week. We have had several appointments with his Oncologist, and restarted chemo and radiation.

Will talk to you soon.


renee_ky 07-20-2004 06:54 PM

Re: Even more bad news...
Tjr- How is everything going? Are you hanging in there ok? Just thinking about you and your family, I hope things have taken a turn for the better.


Tjr123 08-07-2004 09:15 PM

Re: Even more bad news...
Thank you for your emails and thoughts. It is all appreciated. It has been a very busy few weeks. Things are very bad and my husband and I are with his sister all the time. Brian was sent home last week. He is paralyized from the waste down as the tumor on his spine resulted in permanent damage. He has radiation a week ago and felt tired but seemed to be getting better. A few days ago the doctors told us that the cancer had spread since the last CT scan and it has spread to all of his organs... THey say he has about 1 month to live. My sister in law is devastated. We are with her all the time. I help with the house, cleaning, cooking, laundry so she doesn't have to do it. My husband has been doing the night shifts with him so his wife can sleep. It is the hardest thing we have done. Watch someone you love .. die. We are doing our best to stay strong but that is nearly impossible. I worry for my sister in law the most, that she will be alone and how she will cope after he is gone. It breaks my heart to see him the way he is. He is so frail. My sister in law is strong but breaks down a lot crying when she is not with him. I can not even imagine what she is feeling. They have only been married a year...

renee_ky 08-08-2004 07:17 AM

Re: Even more bad news...
Tjr- I am crying as I read this response, I can feel the pain in your words. I hate this monster called "cancer", it is absolutely the most horrible pain I have ever felt as well. I wish I could wave a majic wand and cure everyone, but I can't. I can not even make my own husband feel better. Please know I am praying for you, and for your family. I know how your sister in law feels, for I am walking in the same shoes, as is many others here. She is so very blessed to have you and your husband.

I will continue to pray for everyone here.


Tjr123 08-08-2004 09:55 PM

Re: Even more bad news...
Thank you for your thoughts. Although I am far from religious .. I have resorted to everything, including prayer in hopes that it will help. Today they told his wifes children and his stepchildren. They are 12 and 14 and have known him for about 5-6 years now. They were so devestated and my sister in law called us to come and be with them. I don't know if you are an animal lover, but they have a cat and I can sense the cat knows. You can just tell he knows that his is sick.
I wish I could take the pain away from my sister in law. She says she feels like she is grieving already since he is not the usually 'Brian' she once knew and that she feels like she has lost a part of him already. We cry together and hold each other and I try to comfort her. I promise her she will not be alone and that we take care of her. I wish I could do more. I feel so helpless.
I am really so worried about her and how she will be after. I wish we lived closer. I told my husband we should move, but he says she won't want to live with us. I hope she can cope without him.

renee_ky 08-09-2004 08:14 AM

Re: Even more bad news...
I am glad you have resorted to prayer!! Prayer might bring him comfort in his days to come. It might not take the pain away, but it can ease the pain in the heart and soul. I have seen this with my husband. Scott prays to God, outloud, several times a day. And he always says he can feel God's presense and warmth, despite the pain, he knows God will heal his "soul", which in the end, is all that matters. And, it is also what your sister in law will need to pull her through, and lots of it! I am not 'preaching" at you. I am just telling you, in my life, prayer has worked!

Yes, I am an animal lover. I also believe they know. We have an 80 pound samoyed that thinks he is a lap dog. Scott's condition has worsened the last 2 weeks, Sage lays right beside him all of the time, and he lays his paw on him, and licks him more than usual, he knows Daddy does not feel good.

Tjr123 08-09-2004 10:19 AM

Re: Even more bad news...
What are the doctors saying about Scott now? Is he sleeping a lot? Eating...? Update me. My husband went out to see Brian today. He and I are doing all the necessary paperwork for his will. They just have so much on their mind, they have no time. They say it is very complicated with a death after if there is no will. Sending you hugs across the miles. I can not imagine the pain you are going through. Cherish every moment you have together...

renee_ky 08-09-2004 11:53 AM

Re: Even more bad news...
They are real hesitant to say anything, as of our last appointment. In the beginning, they said 6-9 months, and they have not changed that. I bluntly asked the doctor if the prognosis is stil 6-9 months, he said he would rather wait until Scott finishes this round of treatment and see how he responds to it before he answered that. We go back to the doctor tomorrow, maybe he will tell us more then. Since our last appointment, he finsihed the 13 radiation sessions, and 21 day cycle of chemo. The radiation burned his esophagus (sp?) so bad, he coudl not eat. He got dehydrated from not drinking or eating anything, I took him to the oncologist office last week and they gave him 2 liters of fluid. Since then, he forces down chicken soup broth, plain pudding and water. As of yesterday, he can eat microwaved scrambled (no milk or seasons) eggs, he seems to do "ok" with that. It hurts, but he said it is do-able, because he has to have the protein. Since July 15th, he has lost 24 pounds, probably more by now, that was a week ago.
He hurts just about everywhere now, his muscles are very weak, and he keeps pulling muscles, so he is not walking much. He forced himself to go tyo church yesterday, he "needed" it, and really enjoyed it. Our pastor is Scott's age, so they get along very well.

So, now we wait, that is the hard part... because you never really know just what you are waiting for.

I wish I was allowed to give you my phone number on this website! I hope you will be able to get your sister in law to visit one of these support forums, it helps me tremendously! This might not be a good time for her, but when time permits, I do hope she will visit. People like you hep me through this. It is a place where you can say exactly how you feel, and someone always understands.

I will give you an update tomorrow after teh appointment with the oncologist.


Tjr123 08-09-2004 04:50 PM

Re: Even more bad news...
They originally gave Brian a year and after only a month they gave him a few more weeks. It is so hard to lose him and like I said, I can only imagine how my sister in law feels, but I think she would felt a little better have more time. At least a year would be a year to be with she only has a few weeks. I guess neither is good at this point.
I don't know if she will ever visit a site like this, but I will direct her here if she is willing. I think she just has to spend every waking moment with him.
Brian lost his mother to the same cancer about 3 years ago. When she passed on, she told Brian and his sister to take their (paidoff) house, sell it and give their dad a little and split the rest. Brian's sister asked Brian if she could stay in the house for a bit to get things in order in her life and then they would sell the house. Brian and my sister in law planned to use that money for a down payment on a house. Since then she now refuses to sell the house or give them any money at all, which is about $70,000.00. Money they can use because they have no life insurance. They rent a house and because they assumed they would be getting this money, they have a car debt they were waiting to pay off. I worry so much for my sister in law, because not only will she be in mourning when Brian passes, but she will be broke as well. Brian refuses to speak to his sister and the who family dysfuntionality goes on...
It would be a little peace of mind, knowing she was financially sound, so she would be able to mourn for as long as she needed.
Brian had 5 treatments of radiation and in a way I feel it made his life shorter. He also lost so much weight and is practically skin and bones now. He had the radiation through his stomach as well to his back but didn't have the problem eating. It was extremely sore and he said if he touched it at all, he might pass out. I will continue to hope for good news on your end...
Write soon.
Sending hugs from Ontario...

Tjr123 08-11-2004 06:31 PM

Re: Even more bad news...
Wondering how Scott is doing. Didn't hear from you today. ..

I notice that it is taking longer for Brian to speak as if he has to think a lot longer before he speaks a sentence. His wife called me and told me that Brian said he feels funny ..his body feels funny. SHe doesn't think it will be long. He sleeps a lot but still talks to us, watches TV, drinks and eats. So i guess that is a good sign. SHe is finding it really hard to have his father there and stepmother living with them through this, since they don't know each other that well, and she feels like she doesn't have last weeks alone with him. It is so hard for us to see him the way he is. She said to me last night that she doesnt think so can go on without him. I feel so terrible for her. I have been dreaming of him and wish that a miracle would happen... I wake up feeling sick every morning because I feel so sad about this. I wish I could do more for her.

I bought a really high tech digital camera a few months ago. I was thinking of asking them if they wanted to record him and her. It takes 10 minute videos. Do you think that that would be too weird? I would want that. I would want to remember my husband and be able to see him like that....if it was me...
What do you think? Would it be too difficult??

renee_ky 08-21-2004 07:59 AM

Re: Even more bad news...
Tjr- Did you make some videos? I think it is a good idea. I have done that with Scott as well, and many pictures!

How is everything going? It has been a little hectic around here these days.

Hope to hear from you soon.


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