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Cancer: Lung Message Board

Please help me to cope ......

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Old 06-17-2001, 04:30 PM   #1
Join Date: Mar 2001
Location: England
Posts: 50
JanieB HB User
Post Please help me to cope ......

Dear Friends at Healthboards...
My mum was diagnosed with Lung Cancer with superior vena cava obstruction, she had emergency radiotherapy to reduce the swelling.Now the cancer has spread to the bones and the liver too.....We had an emotional chat on her return from hospital and she knows she is terminal....
Only three years ago my husband had his cancer removed followed by surgery.....I am finding watching my mum unbearable...I wont turn my back on her ...I am helping all I can its just the thought of losing my mum ..It is eating me up inside and although I try to hide my feelings to mum, when I am home or on my own I am always crying.....
I am really finding this so difficult indeed..I have tried to explain to my daughter what is happening to Nanny.... Please if there is anybody else in a simular postion please leave a message....I would love to chat...I thought it was bad enough when my husband was ill...and now Mum is too much to take.....The doctors say my problem is my knowledge of the disease.....
My mum helped me so much when my husband was ill and my daughter spent alot of time with her too...... and now I feel helpless....watching her just deteriorate in front of me....apart from my husbands family and my daughter, Mum is my only living relative.......and she is my everything ...My best friend..... She has also been nasty to me whilst on the Morphine..I know she cannot help it ..but it hurts.....Please help !!!!! I would be grateful for any replies...
Love JanieB xoxoxoxoxoxoxox
Jane Bell

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Old 06-17-2001, 07:03 PM   #2
Junior Member
Join Date: Jun 2001
Location: North Carolina, USA
Posts: 10
donnahc HB User

My mother in law, also she was my best friend, died from lung cancer 2 years ago on Valentines day. She too was somewhat "mean" while on the morphine, but mainly to her husband. She took turns with the rest of our family, we all got a share. She would have never ever been cruel on purpose. She was diagnosed in Sept., put on oxygen on Thanksgiving, spent 3 wks in hospital beginning the day after Christmas. She died the following Feb. Hers was inoperatable. She only had 2 kimo treatments. She was very afraid, and basically gave up. She didnt want to fight anymore. Her daughter, my sister in law, is an RN and stayed with her from Christmas until the end, day and night. We were fortunate to see her everyday during her illness and show her that we loved her. I say fortunate because it meant alot to her and us for her family to be around her. It was tuff though. I would drive home in tears. I am so sorry someone else has to suffer through this. We kept a journal during her last months. We wrote things down like, what she ate for the day, the time and type of meds she took, her behavior, etc... There were some funny times too. One morning she started talking with a british accent, she was apparently having tea with someone. She is from the South, the accent was strange, but we laughed. I will say a prayer. Take care.

Old 06-25-2001, 03:22 AM   #3
Join Date: Mar 2001
Location: CT
Posts: 33
babs225 HB User

My father is fighting this cancer too!! It is so hard to watch and so frightening. You will be in my prayers!!

How old is your daughter?

Old 07-19-2001, 06:03 AM   #4
Join Date: Jul 2001
Posts: 1
sonya HB User

I am also starting this route with lung cancer, my husband was diagnosed about a month ago. First he broke a rib, then he got agonizing "sciatica" then another rib area started on the other side. Finally they did a CAT scan and discovered the cancer. All the rest are bone mets. He is given months to live. I am in school almost full time and work the other days. My husband does not want me to stop school so I am struggling on. Thankfully my two adult children bounced back a month or two befor it all began. He is getting radiation to the back to relieve the "sciatica" so getting him out each morning is a horrible ordeal. I have finally moved him to the ground floor which is better. The breathing is getting quite bad with wheezing and SOB with any movement. He is on Duragesic which is helping a bit. But I don't understand why the breathing is so bad, so fast. We got oxygen yesterday but I am terrified of the tanks since I saw one take off once at my work. The concentrator is OK and helps a bit. Can anyone share how this goes ? I don't think there is really any hope of recovery but I am wondering if I should get a hospital bed. Does that help? I am a nurse and my daughter is an aide which doesn't help too much since bring our work home is very painful.

Old 07-23-2001, 04:57 AM   #5
Join Date: Jul 2001
Posts: 56
rosalita100us HB User

My mother died a year ago from sclc(year in sept) yes get a hospital bed. makes it easier. make sure they are not anxious. if they feel like they can't breath we used sedatves lorazapam and then she would be better. morphine is she had pain. the worse part about the way she died is it went to her brain. she lost the ability to talk and understand things. she just looked frightened and called for her mother a lot who had dided 30 years ago. check the brain. don't let the person die with it in the brain. she never got to tell us her wishes for a funeral, burriel, never got to say goodbuy because she so quickly stopped talking.

Old 08-19-2001, 09:19 PM   #6
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: englishtown,nj usa
Posts: 2
daughterinlaw HB User

My mother-in law is back in the hospital after a year of the "usual" treatments. Two surgeries, brain and lung, followed by raditation and kemo. My poor father-in-law has gone it alone in Florida. They have come back and after bring the recent test results from Fla, their NY doctors admitted her to the hospital.
Tomorrow she is having a shunt put in at the back of her head so kemo can be administered. They found more cells in the spine and she has lost the use of her legs and bladder. When she comes home I think it will be to my house. Her daughter lives nearby. How hard is this going to be on my children? How long do we have with her? So many unanswered questions.

Old 09-18-2001, 12:35 PM   #7
Join Date: Mar 2001
Location: England
Posts: 50
JanieB HB User

Thank you all for your replies...Mum finally passed away in a hospice...The hospice was brilliant and I couldnt ask for better, mum lost the use of her legs as the cancer ate away at the spine, they bathed her and kept her pain under control....they had a beautiful garden and many an hour was spent in the sunshine by the pond, where we chatted and told each other how much we loved each other, she also told me she was frightened of dying......We spent alot of time reminissing and talking of plans, she said that many people wouldnt have done what I have done....In the hospice we had more time for each other and not just the daily routines....and medications...we spent that time are not neglecting them these places are designed especially for terminal cases...and have the best care ever....I am glad that mum passed away in such a beautiful place than struggling at ours....we didnt have special equipment like they do....she was more comfortable by far.....
I hope everybody has the strength to make the right love and prayers are with you all....Love Janie xoxoxoxoxo
Jane Bell

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