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My dad lives alone with stage 4 pancreatic cancer


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Old 02-23-2016, 08:28 PM   #1
Cece M
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My dad lives alone with stage 4 pancreatic cancer

My dad lives a few minutes from me & he's living alone. He didn't want to move in with my husband & I. He's 93 but is very, very sharp & a big walker. Never needing a cane , walker etc. so this is hard for him. Have any of your loved ones lived alone during this?

 
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Old 02-23-2016, 09:26 PM   #2
Mg2121
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Re: My dad lives alone with stage 4 pancreatic cancer

I'm so sorry you are all having to deal with this. I can not say that I have been in your exact same situation, however I also have very independent elderly parents that are divorced and living alone. There has been times where I've felt it would be best to have them move in during times in their lives that they required care but as like your father, they refused. My mother had open heart surgery not too long ago and after she was discharged from the hospital I wanted her with me, that didn't happen, but she did well at home. I know that is a totally different situation then yours but what I learned from that was that as much as I wanted her here, to care for her she needed to prove that she can still do it on her own. That made her stronger. I was there to help her and that was ok for her. There will be a time when he will need you there and when that comes be there, until then let him live as comfortably as he can. You will know when he's ready for more help from you, and then it will be on his terms. At this time let him feel like he's still in control of his life. He will thank you for that. Best of luck.

 
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Cece M (02-25-2016)
Old 02-24-2016, 04:55 AM   #3
MSNik
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Re: My dad lives alone with stage 4 pancreatic cancer

HI there. I have had allot of experience with this. Unfortunately my story did not end well. My dad too, had cancer and insisted on staying in his home alone. I lived an hour away and I made arrangements for a visiting nurse to come in and see him 4 times a week. We had a lock box on his door so that she could let herself in and out if he was sleeping.

She eventually found him on the floor, he had fallen and no one was there to help him. He actually broke his neck. Long story short, my father died from complications shortly afterwards. And here we were preparing ourselves for the last days of cancer...

There are agencies which can help in the form of home care and visiting nurses. You might want to talk to his doctor about suggestions. If that isnt possible, you may want to look into the agencies on your own. One thing which is really important is for you or your family to know where his paperwork is, making sure everything is in order. With a disease such as cancer, there is a chance that it will spread to his brain, making it impossible for him to make decisions regarding his care and finances eventually. Once this happens, it will be too late and no one will be able to legally make decisions for him.
Another option you might explore is hospice. Stage 4 of any cancer is covered by the Medicare benefit of Hospice...he can remain at home until he can no longer care for himself, they can send an aide a few days a week to bathe him and make sure he is eating..and a nurse will visit once or twice a week until he needs more care. At that point, you have options of moving him into an inpatient hospice unit OR having more care added to his careplan.
This is a really viable option for people who do not have many resources and do have medicare. (Most seniors do!).

You want to respect his wishes, but you also really need to look out for him...its a tough place to be and I am sorry for what you are dealing with.
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Old 02-25-2016, 09:43 AM   #4
Cece M
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Re: My dad lives alone with stage 4 pancreatic cancer

Wow that is really scary but I need to look at this realistically. I'm taking it one day at a time. I want to honor his wishes by keeping his dignity in tack but I don't want him to hurt himself. I'm limited on funds but we do have hospice involved and he gets help from the VA for 4 hours a day four days a week. As you can imagine those are the hours I breath easy. Thank you so much for your reply.

 
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Old 02-25-2016, 09:46 AM   #5
Cece M
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Re: My dad lives alone with stage 4 pancreatic cancer

Mg2121
Thank you for your support & sharing your experience with elderly, independent parents. On one hand they are remarkable but on the other hand willfull.. Yikes!

 
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