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Anxiety, Depression or Cancer


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Old 11-04-2006, 11:49 AM   #1
Newsome
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Location: a sink hole in Missouri
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Anxiety, Depression or Cancer

I've been having some scary symptoms over the passed couple of years. It seemed to start after I broke a mercury thermometer without realizing it and spending 3 days in winter locked in a room with it, the heat going full blast. When I opened my window, I immediately felt better. But I've not been the same since. I've lost a lot of weight over these years. I had gone up to `122 in 2003 when I started taking Remeron and having to use the bathroom once a day. Previously I used to never have to go. I could go weeks without going, not constipation, just didn't feel the need to. When I quit the weight slowly went back down. However, I've still had to go to the bathroom once or twice per day. Other than that it's normal. I always wondered when I was young what was wrong with me because I only went once every couple of weeks while my parents and everyone I knew would go faithfully every day sometimes twice and now I wonder why I go every day I normally weigh between 95 to 105, never more than that. Now I am down to 92 and I look pretty bad. Especially my arms. In early 2005 I started losing my appetite. Food just was in no way appealing for brief periods of time. Now I am relying on Ensure Plus and what little food I eat. I have had an anxiety disorder since age 20 (now 36) and live in a very stressful and emotionally/mentally unhealthy situation. My body temp is also very low at times. I've seen it as low as 96.4 but it's normally 97.7

I went to a clinic for a cold that lasted a month and was driving me crazy. This was last Jan. He took a CBC and it was normal and I recovered a couple of days after the appointment. Then in May or June I decided to start an exercise regime as the weather was nice so I went hiking in our woods with a 3lb walking stick. The next day I had pain in my left rib with tenderness. I went to the clinic again and the doctor said I had an inflammation of my rib cage. He gave me a script for Ativan and sent me on my way. It took months but it finally went away.

A few months later I started going fishing every day with my new fishing boat. I'd fish for hours. That's when I noticed a pain in the right side of my back when I would move certain way. It seems to have gotten better somewhat but still hurts when I move certain ways sometimes.

I started having abdominal cramping which would be on and off and last for a week or two and then go away. A year after that I began having upper abdominal pain like ulcer pain, gnawing pain. This seems to have gotten a little better since I started taking Active Manuka Honey. About a month ago, I notice a swelling at the top of my navel. It doesn't appear to be rooted as it's easily moveable beneath the skin and is not painful. I've always had periods of night sweats before my period since I was young, but it never concerned me much until now.

My energy level is ok, but I'm such a nervous wreck I spend most of my time in bed terrified with the TV on. I've become so obsessed with my physical condition. This has happened before when I was young. And it was all my anxiety. And all my symptoms (except for the navel growth) could be attributed to anxiety. I wake up in a panic every day and start the anxiety process all over. I've been taking way to many sedatives to control it and I don't get that many so worry about running out.

I've been flirting with going back once again to the Medicaid clinic but I don't think I could handle the stress of the tests I might have to have and I definitely couldn't handle being in a hospital with my anxiety disorder and agoraphobia. Plus, I don't drive and so my 83 year old father who has emphysema has to haul me to all my appointments. I just can't do that to him. The other night he couldn't breathe at all and thought he was dying. I feel guilty when he has to take me to get groceries. My step-sister is in the hospital right now. She's had breast cancer twice and last year was diagnosed with lung cancer. She had surgery and we thought that was the end of it. They didn't seem to know what is wrong with her this time. Or no one is telling us yet, maybe to protect my dad. The step-family doesn't care for me (from a previous marriage from my dad) so all I have is my dad who is probably not going to be around much longer. It freaks me out thinking that my step-sister, father and myself may all die soon and close to the same time. And I don't even know what I have but it certainly looks like cancer. I am high risk though I thought I wouldn't be getting it this young. I grew up in a heavy smoking family and my mom smoked while pregnant with me. She died from pancreatic cancer at 62. We were certain it would be lung due to her heavy smoking since she was 14. I didn't start smoking until I was 26. I wish I hadn't, but I was desperately trying to fit in with others at that time in my life. I was tired of not having any friends or fun. I didn't drink or do anything like that. I was desperate to keep a new bf back then and he seemed to want me to smoke. I never wanted to be a smoker, always hated it. Now because of one night of drinking and man pleasing I smoke like my mom. I've tried to quit, but I'm such a nervous wreck smoking has become a pacifier that no other thing can equal.

I'm not sure why I am posting this. I know that no one can tell me what's going on except a doctor. I guess just to vent. Any replies welcome.

Blessings
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~Newsome~

 
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