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  • Not able to leave sick father alone

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    Old 11-05-2019, 02:16 PM   #1
    liz8100
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    Not able to leave sick father alone

    My mother works but she's willing to do so at home but other times, she wants to go into her office and do work. My dad's cancer is end stage (or so they say) and he refuses to leave the house at all, even to go to the doctor. He just wants to lay in bed and do nothing. He's pretty much bedridden because if he uses a walker, he falls and he doesn't want to use the wheelchair and gets assistance going to the bathroom. My mom is supporting all of his incompetent decisions because she knows I'm unemployed and still living with them. I'm currently on a waiting list to get assistance to find a job and obviously I cannot move out yet without money. So in the meantime I'm stuck with them and my parents expect me to stay home all the time, even when I have important appointments so my mom can go to work and someone stays with my dad. He refuses to let a stranger like a nurse or someone come in and stay with him and he used to let my adult niece help out but now he refuses to let her come and help. So it's just me and my mom but mostly me. Isn't this abuse or something, trying to control me like that? I feel like I should be calling social services or something.

     
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    Old 11-05-2019, 03:25 PM   #2
    rosequartz
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    Re: Not able to leave sick father alone

    no it's not abuse......
    you are family, you are there, not working, there is no reason you can't help out. You post frequently about wanting to get away from home, yet you are not employed. I'm not sure what you mean by waiting for assistance to get a job? Can you explain? Are you applying for jobs or are you waiting for someone to help you apply for jobs? I've replied to you before that if you want to move out and be independent you need to be self-sufficient, which you are not yet.....
    what is the reason you aren't employed? you mentioned a disability before, but didn't elaborate.....can you share what your disability is?

     
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    Old 11-05-2019, 08:01 PM   #3
    liz8100
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    Re: Not able to leave sick father alone

    I use a wheelchair (pretty sure I mentioned that in a past post somewhere). I cannot do everything and there are agencies that help people find jobs that suit them based on their disabilities. For example, department of rehabilitation services. They have a waiting list of people waiting for assistance and assessment so they know how to assist people in job searching. They have budgets so of course, they have waiting lists. Are you saying there's no such thing as abuse just because I'm family? How about a father hitting a child causing injuries or a parent neglecting their child or forcing them to work? That's not abuse? Because I'm family, I'm not allowed to live my life? Why? Because I have a disability? Are you saying people with disabilities should not be allowed to have a life?

    Anyway, I think I posted too soon. Just found out that someone from hospice care will come by so we'll see how it goes.

     
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    Old 11-05-2019, 08:38 PM   #4
    liz8100
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    Re: Not able to leave sick father alone

    Know what? I'm sorry I started this thread and other threads that are pretty much about the same situations. No one was sympathetic or understanding about how hard my situation is and how stressful it has been and I guess I'm struggling because I'm such a loser and I should consider caretaking to be such an easy job but for some reason, I don't. I just get treated like I'm the bad guy even though I've given up a lot to take care of my dad. No one understands how I feel. Not even my mother and she doesn't care to understand.

     
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    Old 11-06-2019, 06:03 AM   #5
    esker
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    Re: Not able to leave sick father alone

    Life is hard and it most certainly is unfair. You're right about that. I don't think caretaking is easy and people who do it for a career are ridiculously underpaid. I remember taking care of my father and my sister just didn't get it. She thought all she had to do was tell me this and tell me that and I should just get it done.

    In any case, if your father will be receiving hospice care, then they expect him to live less than six months and you're going to be getting some help with it.

     
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    Old 11-06-2019, 06:22 PM   #6
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    Re: Not able to leave sick father alone

    Caretaking is the hardest job in the world. My mom and I just spent 3 years taking care of my dad who died recently of end stage Parkinson's disease. I feel your pain.
    Towards the end, we had hospice come in...your dad may not want it, but its FREE with MEDICARE TO EVERYONE- and they will not only send you home health aids a few times a week, but provide comfort measures to keep him comfortable, a nurse and a hospice doctor.

    Why dont you look into it ?If he doesnt want to interract with them, thats fine- but at least someone will be in the house so you can get out! This is the most important thing right now, because if you arent taking care of yourself, you are no good to him.

    Talk to your local hospital, call a hospice company in your area (The net or his doctor can help you find someone) and find out what they can do to help.
    Good luck!
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