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mmmcoffee 07-06-2007 05:30 AM

mom still same--alz not progressed..but is that always a good thing ?
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Hello all. Just another vent/ AHHHHH session, which I thank you in advance Mom is still the same. Dad is over here daily in tears asking what he can do. I've told him there isn't anything we really can do. Sometimes you wonder if it would be easier if she'd just forget completely, but then what fun is Grammy if she's just a lump? None, I realize that. But then she wouldn't be nasty and ripping people's heads off for no reason. She reminds me of that Diehard battery commercial, where there's 2 guys dressed as the positive and negative cells on the battery, one's all happy and bouncy and the other is just's like Mom's moods! You never know what you're going to get. Dad says once she gets up all she does is moan about feeling bad, and how god has forsaken her, and I can't live like this, don't get old thing.but I've heard her later and she's fine, much better mood. I've even noticed her HARD labored breathing is only sometimes, not always. Could some of this be an act? For my Dad, or me or one of my brothers?

She did tell me why she won't go to the doctor when I asked her this weekend. It's because she'd have to take a shower. She said that's too much work and she doesn't want to be bothered. SHe hasn't taken one in at least 2 years. I do wash her hair weekly, but that's even like pulling teeth.

Today is my day to grocery shop etc etc for my household. But, my brother has taken my dad on a day trip to a casino--they'll have a ball. So, the girls and I are heading over to Grammy's in a little bit. I have told her that she's going to come with us on our usual Friday stops. We can get a wheelchair cart so she doesn't have to walk much, but she'll probably fight that one. What's probably going to happen is that when we get there, she'll be in her negative mood and say she doesn't feel good and can't go. The kids will be so dissappointed, again. But we have to....we meet a friend for lunch on Fridays...(short lunch--1/2 hr tops). We've missed the past few so she's expecting us. Mom knows about it, and knows the's not like it's a big deal. But to her it may be. I really hope she goes. I guess I have to MAKE her if she tries to get out of it. Dad said he'd be home by 6pm, so it's going to be a LLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGG day.

Thanks again for listening.....gotta go...stuff to do as always!


rhales199 07-08-2007 11:17 PM

Re: mom still same--alz not progressed..but is that always a good thing ?
So, how did things go that day?

I hear you about the shower thing... I took care or a lady who had alz, and it was the same way with her!

I also used to help a lady who had TBI (Traumatic Brain Injury)... taking her shopping was a horrible experience because the whole time she'd just whine and complain the whole time, saying, "I don't feel good, I shouldn't have come, let's go home, we'll do this another day (when I knew perfectly well she'd act the same exact way). That was the one person I helped who had me in tears by the end of every shift.

Even though I don't take care of a person with Alz at the moment (but my parents took care of my Grandma who had Alz. for 1 1/2 years), I am a caregiver, and understand how hard it can be.

Take CAre!!!

mmmcoffee 07-09-2007 02:03 PM

Re: mom still same--alz not progressed..but is that always a good thing ?
Thanks for the response.

Friday went about as well as I had expected. The girls and I went over Fri a.m. and Mom was adamant about not going. She didn't feel good, was tired, the usual. I had told her (and have told her since) that she's feels as good as she wants to let herself feel. That she makes herself not feel good when it's convenient sometimes. I was NOT going to give in and let her win by staying home. My Dad was gone for the day and I had things I HAD to do. Our family had been on vacation and had lots to do when I got back. Well. . . . it ended up a compromise I guess. She didn't win and came with us, but I didn't win because she sat in the car the WHOLE time. SHe sat in the car at stores, at grocery stores and even at mcdonalds! She sat with her crossword puzzle book and opened windows. The kids were dissappointed, but appreciated that she got out of the house.

Today (Mon.) was laundry day. We went over did the house work etc etc, but she wouldn't let us wash her hair. She still won't take a shower. I guess it'll just be an on going battle, time will tell I guess. Maybe one of these days she'll surprise me and say "sure, why not" :)

Thanks again for your reply!


mmmcoffee 07-12-2007 07:13 AM

Re: mom still same--alz not progressed..but is that always a good thing ?
[FONT="Comic Sans MS"]Hello again everyone---

Just a quick note (I'll try not to ramble!) and I'm asking for any suggestions you can think of. . . .My Dad came over the other day, asking for help to get my Mom to go to the Dr. ...>Dad wants her to get oxygen levels checked and some blood tests and just a regular complete check up, it's been years since she'd had one. He asked for me to help trying to get her to go. When we went over there later I tried. I made suggestions. I tried bribery. Nothing worked. I said that she's always saying how she hates feeling like she does and that maybe it would help her to feel better. Maybe the Dr. could give her something or if something is physically wrong with her, he could fix it. When her nasty, cynical response was "So what's he gonna pump me full of pills!? No thank you........" She basically said she'd rather be dead than have to do that....take a shower, get cleaned up, go to see Dr and all.

What can we do? I told Dad to arrange for a home appt. and not tell Mom until that morning, to surprise her. he said he couldn't do that to her, she'd have a heart attack on him or something. What do we do? Just smile and make nice, listen to her repeated stories and questions and just watch her starve herself and die? My poor father is going out of his mind. Any hints or suggestions would be great. Thank you !!!

---mmmcoffee [It's tough to raise your] [/FONT]

PoohandPiglet 09-05-2007 03:51 PM

Re: mom still same--alz not progressed..but is that always a good thing ?
No, it's not always a good thing. Alz's is a %&^*& no matter how it goes down; my Mom is just whole enough in her mind to know and feel how crazy she is and be terrified by it, and it's a &*()*). I "joke" with my husband about giving her ice cream, and toast with plenty of butter, so she'll maybe die of a heart attack instead of sticking around to waste away from Alz's, but he's not quite as cynical as I am and he's horrified at that kind of humor. I mean, jeez, I'm not talkingaobut feeding her POISON. It's tasty food that she likes, and plenty of it. I'm not exactly joking, though; I'm a nurse and I have taken care of so many patients who are senile and miserable and have no quality of life and are miserably rotting out of their skins, but still sort of alive, and I'd rather see Mom dead than like that.

I'm so sorry you're having such troubles. It's really rotten. I'm at the point of not liking Mom much ofthe time, because who would like someone who's as annoying as she is, asking the same question over and over, making ghastly messes, pinning me to the house? It's a feeling I'll haveto muddle through somehow, and trust it will pass, but right now I feel kind of lousy about disliking my Mom so much; my husband does NOT get it and would tell me, meaning well, that I shouldn't feel that way, it's wrong. He's sort of pathologically good.

I feel for you, in this holding pattern. I am about there; Mom's declined but not so much that I'm free of the dripdripdrip like water torture irritating questions which jangle me down to the cellular level, and the constant vigilance it takes to keep her safe. I am frankly awful enough a person to say that I can't wait until she's fully and completely out of her mind and I can hand her care off to strangers and be free. I can love her again, and not feel the resentment of her smothering me.

PoohandPiglet 09-05-2007 03:58 PM

Re: mom still same--alz not progressed..but is that always a good thing ?
I reread your last... regarding "watch her starve herselfand die".

It's not so bad an idea.

Okay, don't turn me off in horror. Stay with me for a few, hon.

Of course, try to stimulate her appetite. Give her thingsshe likes. Try to coax her. Eat with her. Feed her spoonfuls yourself, patiently, as you distract her with conversation or whatever. All that is reasonableto try.

But are you thinking eventually putting in a feeding tube to keep her fed if she's not willing to eat? I hope not, it's something I'm in horror of. I've seen people who should have gone to heaven long before, still trapped in their miserable failing bodies, and rotting out of their bedsore-ridden skins, becuae of families who think that a feeding tube is the way to go. I'm just in horror of that for myself or anyone I love.

But as far as the appointment thing - your Dad is the decisionmaker and he's not making decisions, is waht I'm seeing. He's scared. And if he's not going to take a strong stand and get her to the doctor. I dont' know what you can do. Just lovethem and try to rfind ways to support your Dad until he gets some strength.

Good luck.

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