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mmmcoffee 07-15-2007 11:10 PM

anyone else have problems sleeping?
Hello again.....

It's 1am and I'm still up. I am never up at this hour. I think I'm stressing about stuff and letting my anxiety get the best of me. I've been having trouble falling asleep alot lately, and usually it's never a problem for me. My hubby's always teasing me that as soon as my head hits the pillow, I'm gone. That's usually the case, but not lately. Has anyone else had problems sleeping? Could it be the stress of my mom and stuff? Probably. Yesterday I went over there and had a few words with her. Maybe I'm still mad about that deep down, who knows.

We've been trying to get her to go to the Dr. (along with trying to get her to shower also) and finally I had just had enough. She's always moaning that she hates feeling this way, but damn it, she won't do anything to try to help herself either. I told her that. Sometimes it's like she enjoys being miserable. I said to do it for the grandkids if not for anyone else....that they miss their Grammy, and maybe she could try to enjoy the time (whether it be 1yr, 5yrs or 15 yrs) she has left with them. and not to just be so cynical and negative all the time.

Maybe an antidepressant would help, give her more positive outlook and maybe eventually, a little more motivation. No, Mom'll never run a race, I know that, but at least energy and motivation enough to get out of the house, go to the grandkids' houses for tea parties and lunch when they ask her to, things she used to do. But in order to even approach the subject, she NEEDS to go see her Dr. I'm just so fed up sometimes. I think she makes herself feel like this sometimes, when it's convenient!

Oh well, tomorrow is housework/laundry day, so I've got to get up early....that is IF I can even fall asleep! Then Tues is groceries, Wed my daughter has a dentist appt, Thursday My grocery shopping, cleaning and packing for vacation. We are leaving Friday for a week of MUCH NEEDED vacation! My Dad is home, and my brother and sister in law will take over while we're gone. Not that they'll do much cleaning or get mom to wash her hair, but they'll do what they can. I'll do what I can and then some before we leave.

So back to my original question....anyone else have trouble sleeping? Or is it just me? Too much crap floating around my head, yes, I know! But, someone has to think about these things. Parents are hard to raise, aren't they!? Maybe I'M THE ONE who needs something for the anxiety/stress.....I plan on calling the Dr to get a RX, but my health insurance isn't accepted by any providers in the state we live in....Ridiculous, isn't it.....then WHY does hubby's employer use it?!?!?!...Long story, long battle.....Out of state main office for his employer....they really only care about those in their own state....not us up here.B*ST*RDS! But anyway. . . . . . another day.......Well, I'm no more tired than I was when I sat down at the computer. I was hoping the typing etc would make my eyes tired, wrong. Has anyone tried that tylenol pm stuff? Can you still get up in the morning? Maybe I'll try that tomorrow night.

Here goes another try.....Back up to bed...wish me luck....:D


Lialoha 07-17-2007 02:59 PM

Re: anyone else have problems sleeping?
Yes, this is a Big problem for me; as "disabled" primary carer for my terminally ill parent, this vicious cycle of sleep debt, fatigue & dragging thru day has numerous affects. My situation & reasons for Not sleeping differ from yours, but Stress is a factor.

When I can't sleep, I go to computer but wonder if this stimulates more than sedates?? "sedative" herbs like chamomile, as tea; aromatherapy -calming oils like lavendar -can be helpful. websites can provide more details on using these. Also sites for insomnia have many more suggestions.
Sleep is a BIG problem for many...

I've tried prescription RX --Ambien, which does help me fall asleep but not stay asleep. It is not cheap & not covered by all insurances. Since you are also dealing w/ Insurance issues, perhaps OTC products --supplements like Melatonin , helpful to many & relatively inexpensive.

Caregiving is very stressful & tiring-physically, mentally, emotionally.
While seeking ways to reduce the stressors, and how best to take care of all --responsiblities, chores, etc, be mindful to take care of Carer. Many of us neglect our needs, get too caught up in caring for others, don't take, or make time for self. Great that you're taking that much needed Vacation-ENJOY .... hope that you find resolution and good nites sleep soon!

mmmcoffee 07-18-2007 07:01 AM

Re: anyone else have problems sleeping?
Thanks for your response. True, I don't really take time for myself. Everyone else comes first (kids, hubby, parents, etc) but that's how it's always been and will always be like that. This year our youngest will be in school 4 days/wk, so maybe then I'll have a little more time. At first I'll be lost, won't know what to do without my little shadow.....but then I'll get used to it! lol! It'll be different. Yes, we need this short vacation, but, I'll probably call home every day to see how Mom is. Well, today's got a full schedule, so I have to run....I did sleep a little better last night, but woke up around 3.

See you all later

tugguy 07-18-2007 04:45 PM

Re: anyone else have problems sleeping?
I was wondering if you had ever tried meditation? I try to meditate twice a day, and it has really helped me calm my mind at night so I can sleep. Give it a try. Good luck to you.

mmmcoffee 07-18-2007 05:40 PM

Re: anyone else have problems sleeping?
I had tried that years ago when I could actually be alone and quiet in a room, but with my kids, it's been a while since that's happened. It's hard for me to stop my mind because there's always so much spinning around. I try to lie quietly, but something completely off the wall always comes to mind, hence something new to worry about.

I may try it again when I go to bed. No tv, no kids, just peace and quiet. Maybe it will help me to fall asleep faster. Thanks. Hope everyone has a good night........

---mmmcoffee :-)

liz49 07-25-2007 01:40 PM

Re: anyone else have problems sleeping?
Hi Coffee--
Sorry to leap into this arena--but I am currently "caregiving" to a hubby who is on Interferon for HepC after a liver transplant last fall(and he's really ok, just crabby and kind of sick, still works and all) and a Bipolar daughter who is driving me insane--but I feel like a prisoner in my own home between these 2---plus I did care for my FIL the last 2 years of his life as he sloooowly died from leukemia, and then my dad as he passed from I can so relate to what you are going thru. I am not sure, but does your mom have Alzheimer's? Is that what the ALz abbr. stand for? If so, I am so sorry for you--my dad had demetia, which is similar and really is wearing, isn't it??
So much of what you say brings back memories of the days when I still had kiddies at home and I was running out to my FIL's to clean, feed him, spend endless hours at dr appts., phamacies, etc, only to come home and try to spend time with my older kids and then to have my husband criticize me for not making a "good enough meal" for his dad. (Who so often threw up what he ate anyway---) I hope there is special quiet room in heaven for us caregivers to take long, long naps)
Well, in this post you asked specifically about sleep help-- so I will address that. I also have a terribel time turning off my brain at night. My pdoc has me on Seroquel 25 mgs at night and I sleep like a rock. It's not nearly as expensive as Ambien, which did the same thing to me as you said, put me to sleep, but if I woke up, I coudln;t go back to sleep. Also, if I need to. I can double up the doseage. It works every night and I've been on it for ages. I did try a lot of other stuff, the teas, the melatonin, etc., but for the hardcore insominia, I had to go to the doc Without sleep I am worthless.
On a side note-you mention that your mom doesn't want to shower--(shades of my FIL!! Drove me nuts!!) There is a bath substitute they use in hospitals and care centers called Septi soft that you mix in with warm water and use with a wash cloth to kind of bed bathe people in beds. It's not as good as a real shower, but it goes a long ways towards helping hygeine in people who can't or won't bathe themselves. Hubby used it a lot after transplant. Doesn't have to be rinsed off and smells and feels good. ---Also, since I'm here, it wouldn't hurt to mention that Zoloft (an antidepressant) has gone generic, so IF (big IF) your mother would take one, it is not expensive any more.
Wishing all the best.

mmmcoffee 08-03-2007 06:16 PM

Re: anyone else have problems sleeping?

Thanks for the input. I may try the Septi stuff if she will let me. It's been a while since I've posted. Hubby, kids and I were gone camping for a week which was nice. Nice to get away from everything.

Since we've gotten back , I've noticed how horrible Mom looks. Yes, we think it's Alzheimer's and Dimentia, but she won't go to Dr. to find out. Won't leave the house, hasn't in 2 yrs really. My Dad did get her on the scale yesterday while I was there, and she's down to [B][U]67 LBS!!![/U][/B] I couldn't believe how little she weighed. She asked me to button her shirt for her today, and I couldn't help but notice how sunken in her stomach is. Almost like you could tell where her spine was by looking at her belly (or lack of). She looks like a concentration camp victim. You can count the vertibrae down her spine by the back of her neck! Her skin is sunken in and has taken on a blackish tone, almost 'corpse-like' which I know freaks my kids out. They are 9 and 5, so it's tough on them too. Once school starts, I can be over Mom/Dad's house more and not feel guilty about dragging the kids there to 'watch Grammy die'. So it will be a little easier on everyone I hope.

She did go for a little ride in Dad's new car last week, for about 5-10 miles, which was good. But during the ride, she mentioned that she didn't like to be alone. That was the first time she's admitted that. I feel like she knows the end is soon, and is afraid to be alone when it happens....Don't know if I'm right or not. I should ask her. I told Dad to give me his schedule of church meetings etc etc, and I would come over when he had to go. "No, you have your own family to worry about, blah blah blah....." was the response I got. I told him I'd rather be there than not. And I wouldn't take no for an answer. Why are parents so hard to raise? Why do they always think they are a bother when they aren't?

But, as for MY SLEEPING . . . . . the local Dr (who I haven't been to in 5 yrs probably) put me on Prozac. I had been on it a long time ago (10yrs) but it's not doing it for me. I don't want to be slowed down and 'drugged' all the time (which I have to tell her next appt) I'm always tired--don't have enough energy or drive to do the things I need to. Also, I can fall asleep fine, but am awake anywhere between 2 - 4 am every night no matter what time I go to sleep. Sometimes, I even feel like a nap in the afternoon. I figured I'd try it for a month, but when I go back for follow up, I'm going to tell her that I just need something on occassion to help me sleep or calm me down when I get worked up and shaky. I don't like the prozac and I don't like the way it makes me feel either. Maybe I'll just have to keep the tylenol pm around.

Thanks for your input and response. I'll look for the Septi stuff, maybe it will work. Thanks again.


liz49 08-04-2007 11:07 AM

Re: anyone else have problems sleeping?
Glad you got away!! That is nice and important for you--well, if your mom is down to 67 lbs, sadly the end probably is near. She simply can't sustain life at that weight...and the colorations you are describing is the liver beginning to fail, and bruising because she simply has no fat to cushion her bones from the skin--my FIL did the same thing.
The Septi-Soft we simply took home from the hospital, but I'm sure you can get it at either a hospital or a hospital supply place. Mix it in with a basin of fairly hot water at the dilution it says. Using a really soft washcloth you can wash your mom.She will really enjoy it--no one wants to be dirty. And it leaves a fresh smell behind. he hot water cools off pretty quickly, so even if it feels pretty hot to your hand, it will not feel hot to the patient. I would do as much of the patient's body as they felt comfortable for me to do and then left the room so they could do their "private parts"..which can get pretty funky when not bathed each day-and seriously how do you bring this up to your inlaw parent?? My grandmother loved getting her hair done--would your mom go to a beauty parlor (gosh, do we even call them that??) for a fresh "do" once a week--just a wash and curling ironing "do" and she felt so much better.
Sadly, it really sounds like your mom is just preparing herself to die. I am so sorry. All you can do is try to make her as comfortable as possible. You can't force her into a facility or into a hospital. You can give her Ensure or Boost to help her nutritionally, and you can keep her surroundings calm & clean. Honestly, Doctors will just do everything in their power to keep a patient alive, as that's their JOB--and you have to decide if your mom would want to kept alive with feeding tubes, ect and what kind of quality of life that is. I watched my sweet daddy die-in a similar fashion, just wasted away--and so I know firsthand, there are worse things than living & being sick--there is slow, slow dying.

As for you--Prozac is one of the AD's that actually are considered "pepper-uppers" and can actually contribute to you not being able to sleep. Why in the world you doc gave that to you is a mystery. Zoloft is more likely to help you sleep.....doesn't sound as if you're depressed anyhow, just overwhelmed and no pill is gonna help that!! If you could SLEEP you'd be fine!! Seriously, ask for 25-50 mgs of Seroquel. It will knock you out cold--and IF you do wake up you can go back to sleep. At really big doses this stuff is a mood stabilizer, too, but I don't take enough for it to affect me that way, I don't think. Maybe. Anyhow, I do sleep pretty well most nights.
Good luck--you do have a lot going on--and do try to sheild your little ones from seeing grandma--even my teenagers were fairly traumatized by how bad their grandpa looked at the end. I wish they could have stood being with him but he looked like a walking skeleton and a couple of them couldn't look at him w/o crying--sure didn't help.

mmmcoffee 08-06-2007 05:30 PM

Re: anyone else have problems sleeping?
[FONT="Century Gothic"]Liz--

Yes, we know she's just waiting to die. The kids know it too, They don't hug and kiss Grammy as often as they used to. I think the little one thought she could 'catch being old' if she did.

I didn't know the skin discoloration could be attributed to liver functions. I know it's more than just dirt though. I will look around for septi-soft or something similar. She probably won't let me use it on her. She hasn't showered in 2 yrs and won't. I do go over and wash, dry and curl her hair once a week. She won't leave the house, so a beauty parlor (I still understand call it that is out of the question. I've even gotten her a transfer chair so that a shower would be easier---she refused to use it and made me get it out of the house! She says she won't go to the Dr. because she'd have to take a shower. I think that's a convenient excuse.

Yes, I agree---prozac won't help, not depressed, just strung out somedays. Not even every day, so I'm going to tell her I don't want the rx for Prozac anymore. The insomnia isn't EVERY day either. I just want something to take when I need to. On occassion. If I have to, I know where I can get something like that. I'd just rather do it the right way, the legal We'll see how the next appointment goes. Lately, I fall asleep ok, but am up at 12, 2, and usually 4. Then alarm goes off at 6. Fun! Fun! Fun!

Dad called tonite. Has appointment for car tomorrow, then church meeting. So, we'll head over around 1:00 and stay right through. Maybe get her to eat something else for dinner. (She lives on Ensure and cottage cheese!)

And, wait....just one more thing......My FIRST baby----our 12 yr old Border Collie----isn't doing well either. The girls and I took her to vet today, he gave us an antibiotic, but I know how this goes. Same thing happened to my brothers dog years ago. Dogs are family members to us. They have birthday parties, come on vacations, have 'babysitters', sleep by my bed etc etc etc. So, we'll give the meds a chance, but I'm thinking rationally. It'll be tough on the girls though. But she's had a great life! Spoiled to the hilt! I 've had people tell both myself and my husband that they'd like to come back in the next life as one of my! There is a possibility of surgery if it comes to that, but she's so old, I'd hate to put her through that. When brother's dog went in for it, they found too many tumors, and just put her to sleep. he didn't even get a chance to say goodbye. His last words were "....I'll pick you up later...." I know it's just a dog, but it's really not just a dog to me. I'd rather be there and hold her while she goes to sleep. Then I'd take her home in her favorite blanket, and bury her with her dog bed in her favorite spot. And her favorite frizbee. I hate to think like that, but I'd rather be prepared. We'll see how the meds go.

Thanks again for the response and letting me vent! Talk to you all soon--


liz49 08-06-2007 07:06 PM

Re: anyone else have problems sleeping?
You have a border collie?? so do I!! Oh, and the thought of my sweetheart in pain makes me sick----I know she'll get old & sick some day but she's only 5 and in the prime--aren't they the BEST dogs?

So sorry about your mom. I can't imagine she can last much longer, tho the human spirit is an amazing thing, isn't it? What is her prob. with showers? My FIL was the same way as he got older. I would tell him to shower before I took him somewhere and he'd say he had already done so, but I had a way of placing the shower chair and I'd go check and it hadn't been moved. I finally had to get tough and tell him I could wrassle him in there....I just plain couldn't take the smell---
When my g-ma was dying her skin grew very thin and fragile and she sort of faded away---she had a lot of discoloration under the skin all over her if she were bruised, but the hospice nurses said this was normal "end-stage" skin discoloration--blood pooling & not circulating properly, also just slow massive organ failure as there jusut isn't enough fat & muscle to maintain life.
As for your sleeping--ask your doc for Klonipin, it's a mild benzodiazepene--1 mg would probably knock you out all night. I have anxiety a lot and I've taken it for years. Works every single time. I don't think I could leave the house if I didn't have the stuff. Keeps me sane, I guess, if you can call me sane!
All the best & hope for the best for your pup!!

mmmcoffee 08-07-2007 05:19 AM

Re: anyone else have problems sleeping?
You have a border collie?? so do I!! Oh, and the thought of my sweetheart in pain makes me sick----I know she'll get old & sick some day but she's only 5 and in the prime--aren't they the BEST dogs?

As for your sleeping--ask your doc for Klonipin, it's a mild benzodiazepene--1 mg would probably knock you out all night. I have anxiety a lot and I've taken it for years. Works every single time. I don't think I could leave the house if I didn't have the stuff. Keeps me sane, I guess, if you can call me sane!
All the best & hope for the best for your pup!!

Yes, border collies are great. High strung when she was little, but the most patient dog I've ever seen with the kids! She used to pull them around the living room while they held on to her tail. She'd let them crawl all over her too. And very homebound. She'll never run away. Stays on front porch watching and waiting. protecting.

Yes, I'll try the Klonipin--or ask the Dr about it. Hopefully something will work. Up again today at 4am. Worried about dog too. Took her out etc. I had to carry her to bed last night (drugs hadn't worn off yet). We have to "Grammy sit" from 1 - 7 today. Long day for the kids. Wish us luck!



liz49 08-07-2007 11:37 AM

Re: anyone else have problems sleeping?
Do you ever sleep. poor woman? Now up with a sick dog! Well I guess I"ve been there too--I just wish we'd had our Border when our kids were small, she is definitely a "little kid" dog--ao hyper and happy when the grandkids come over. I just can't keep her busy enough.

Hope the Klonipin works for you. Long day for the kids, Indeed!! Hope they have something to do while you sit with granny---I guess she wouldn't come to your place?? What does your dad do that takes him away so much?
Just curious.

mmmcoffee 08-08-2007 07:27 AM

Re: anyone else have problems sleeping?
Hello again. Here it is 9am---still in my pj's. Didn't sleep for crap last night, but I was exhausted, so I should have, but oh well.

We all survived the long day. The girls were really good too. We did spend a large chunk of the day watching the baby birds in a nest at Mom's house. One of them fell out of the nest, so we'd go see where he hopped off to and check on him. His mommy bird was not happy that we were near him though. It was fun.

Pop doesn't really do much. He's retired. He does make a ton of trips to town or to the grocery store. But yesterday his car had a service appointment. Then he got home around 430. I made us all dinner then he had a church council meeting to go to. When my hubby got home, he came over there for dinner. Took one of our girls home around 7:00 and the other one stayed with me until about 9pm when Pop got home.

But since Mom told him she didn't want to be alone, I told him if he had to go anywhere, to let me know. He works at Bingo once a month too. It is tiring, but I'd rather be there than have her alone. I couldn't find the septi-soft at the local pharmacy, but maybe I'll try the hospital or medical supply place. Maybe she'll let me try it or will do it herself.

Well, time to get my own stuff done. I've got 3 loads of laundry waiting to be folded and 1 more to wash. Maybe I'll even get my house vacuumed!!! WOOOOOHOOO! The excitement (sorry....a little sarcasm there) At least it's raining outside, so the kids won't be bugging me to go somewhere today. Maybe I'll try for an afternoon nap. (a little more sarcasm ;) )

Have a good day all.


liz49 08-08-2007 10:11 AM

Re: anyone else have problems sleeping?
I got my septi-soft from the hospital--if that's convenient for you. I imagine a hospital supply place would also carry it. Hubby was in the hosp. for his transplant & again for the nasty infection the hospital gave him. I took both bottles home, from each surgery, since they'd been opened and I knew he couldnt tub bathe for w long time (HUGE flippin' incision) Just be sure to dilute the stuff or it will irritate her skin.
I, too am really tired today--not enough sleep for one night and I'm a basket case, and I'm in my jammies too! Irritated with my daughter because she is taking another day off from work and still hasn't registered for school which starts in 12 days....if she doens't go to school full time she gets dropped off our ins and her psych meds &therapy are over $600 a month. She'll be working to pay for them! It's been a really lousy summer, over all and I can't wait for school to start and get her out of here more. (She's 21, you'd think I wouldn't have this problem, but I woke up cranky as a bear......) Well, I don't drink coffee at all, maybe I need my diet coke to perk me up :^)
You have a good day!

mmmcoffee 08-09-2007 11:53 AM

Re: anyone else have problems sleeping?
[QUOTE=liz49;3143594]....if she doens't go to school full time she gets dropped off our ins and her psych meds &therapy are over $600 a month.

Liz- Is there some kind of state aid she could get if she isn't enrolled in school? Or even if she is, being she's 21 and is bipolar, there may be something available. Although, I'm sure you've checked out all avenues. I would think there is some kind of medicaid or something that may help with her medical bills.

I too can't wait for school to start. I will miss my littlest one--she's starting kindergarden this year and won't be with me all the time. But it will be easier to get things done here and at my parents' without having to worry about the girls. I drive a school bus :dizzy: , so I only work in the morning and afternoon for about an hour or so each time. That way I'll have all day free to do things. Wow ! Just think how clean our houses will be!! :bouncing:

Off to fold my laundry....Have a great day all :wave:

--mmmcoffee /QUOTE]

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