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jambo44 09-05-2007 07:01 AM

mentally drained
I just found this meesage board and thank GOD!! I need some advise please. Eight months ago my B-I-L asked me if I would quit my job of 8 years
$17/hr, full benefits ins, paid vacation and move in with him and my sister & there 15yr old. My sister is terminally ill, type 1 diabetes, transplants and very weak and uncapable of maintaining a 5 bedroom house. She was in the hospital almost once a week or the EMT was called because of low sugar. My BIL and neice were so stressed out and always worried that they would come home one day and find her gone. I am 11 months younger than her and we are best friends. Talked on the phone everyday and she also has my right kidney. My five year old and I lived with my mother and I decided to make the move. My BIL has his own business and he makes good money. I didn't have to worry about money, room & board were free, no bills, and a man around was a benefit for my son. Things were pretty stressful getting moved and settled, my sister was sleeping all day, staying up all night, and not in a good mental state. After 8 major surgeries, she was tired and very depressed, which didn't help her physically. I was cleaning up after everyone, doing laundry, groceries, cooking and running the kids to and from school. Plus keeping track of my sisters dr appointments. She had Three different Doctors, an hour away, monthly bloodwork, 12 different medications, and I had my hands full. Within a month, her spirits came to life and she was getting much stronger and doing much better. So much better that she could threw on a pair of ice skates, less than 2 minutes she was down with a shattered wrist!!! Depressed again and irritated with life!!! Another Doctor. She's back to health again , hasn't been in the hospital once since I moved here. The other day she was served divorce papers. She will be well taken care of, but I have nothing in writing as to my job description or any contract of employment. My BIL was throwing me $300-$400 every other week for expenses and whatever. Now he is giving me nothing and I'm being screwed. I have a hunch that he had this planned before he asked me to move in. He couldn't leave her alone. Now that I'm here, he's okay with leaving. Anybody have a clue as to what my next move is? He never put me on payroll or insurance. I trusted him in good faith.

PoohandPiglet 09-05-2007 03:38 PM

Re: mentally drained
Oh, sweetie. How long have you been away from your job, can you get it back, or another one with the same employer, kinda sorta pick up where you left off?

I would THINK that you and your BIL could work something out that would help the both of you, but maybe not solve all your needs. You could still live there, and do some of the housework and help out and stuff, and have a job, too, couldn't you? And he could hire a companion for some of the time? I would think there's ways to combine your energies to make things better for all of you and not screw anyone over, if you're actually all working in good faith. Maybe he isn't. Maybe you'll need to get outta there.
Or maybe he's overwhelmed and depressed and can't see a way out that works for all of you and is just sticking his head in the sand. It might be up to you to take a stand and make things better.

It's a little late, since you've already leaped, but maybe the whole family can do a little looking NOW. And I hoep you can find a solution, hon.

rhales199 09-06-2007 09:13 PM

Re: mentally drained
I'm not sure if this is something you'd be interested in or whatever, but if she qualifies for Medicad, she should be able to get Home Care services through Medicaid, and you could possibly get paid (through Medicaid) to be her home health aide. It wouldn't be anywhere near 17$ an hour, but it would be something.

This has got to be rough for you and your family. Feel free to come here and vent any time you want/ need to!! Even though our situations may be different, caregivers as a whole understand what each other goes through!

Take care!!

jambo44 09-07-2007 09:25 AM

Re: mentally drained
thanks for the suggestions, and the welcome back!!! I have been in this town since January and haven't met alot of people. I think you people are awesome and very sincere and supportive, I feel comfortable telling my probs here, I am checking into medacaid for payment and in the process of getting dr letters in order. it is a long process and alot of paperwork. In the meantime, I am stuck in the middle of a divorce between sis and b-i-l. He's got the business and the money, (lots of it!). He loves to be in control and take care of everyone financially. He spends money out the butt and doesn't think twice. In his mind, WE blow money!! He has no love or compassion to give to his child or wife, and never has, only money. He wants us to write our financial needs on paper and he will provide. He makes over $200,000 a year and He never put anything in writing for me, ie, job description, income, insurance...nothing!!!! Now, he,s giving me nothing, my sis is trying to get some relief for me thru the divorce because we think he asked me here so that she had someone to provide for her when he split..left the marraige! I can't go back to my other job. I am staying with my sister. She and my neice are the most important, after my son. I can't leave. She and my neice need support and we will tough this out together. The last time my sis had a near death surgery and barely survived, all my B-I-L's reaction and response was...if she dies, "What am I going to do with all her stuff"! He is a sneaky, fake b---ard and a control freak! I am a recovering alcoholic and.... I have relapsed and got an OWI that is another story. I think I'm going nuts! I need strength, I am afraid and on the verge of losing it! Anyone got advise?

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