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How do I support a family member who is on self destruct?

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Old 05-04-2008, 12:14 PM   #1
Join Date: May 2008
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Jentwentyone HB User
Unhappy How do I support a family member who is on self destruct?


I have a Sister who lives in a Muslim country away from her family in the UK. She has recently separated from her (English) husband but seems to be on self-destruct.

I am finding it increasingly difficult to put up with her selfish and self-centred attitude towards me, but more the rest of the family. We are by no means rich (in fact I've had to re-mortgage in the last 3 months to keep flying out to support her), and most of our small family is on minimal wage. They all can't afford to keep calling the other side of the world, yet my sister just takes this as rejection. I'm the only one with a computer as well so they canít even email her.

She uses excuses for not getting anything done in life, or when she makes a bad choice. Her answer to everything is I'm getting a divorce!!!

Yes, I know I am sick of hearing it! She has a pet tortoise, which she will not part with even though it is stopping her from being able to go into brilliant secure apartment accommodation. She's also taken on a cat that was a pet in her former marriage. Again this is stopping her getting the same accommodation, but as he is a tomcat he calls out (very loudly) at 4am for about an hour. This has caused complaints from the people she shares the house with and she could be facing eviction.

I understand she had a metaphorical light turned on and she woke up when she decided to leave the marriage. But it seems that now she has no logic or common sense left.

I am a positive thinker and choose a lighter side of a situation i.e. if the situation is Iím stick in traffic. I donít moan and get angry about the fact Iím stuck, I thank god I am not in an accident, which could be causing the traffic jam etc. All I want to do is help her, but when I give her an alternative view on situations, which usually doesn't match her view. I get the "I'm Getting a Divorce!!!"

All I want to do is help, but she is just making dumb decisions.

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Old 05-05-2008, 10:39 AM   #2
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Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Downers Grove, IL, USA
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tottart HB User
Re: How do I support a family member who is on self destruct?

Hi Jentwentyone, I would suggest keeping up with your moral support, but do not spend another dime on your sister. These are her problems and all you can do is offer her your suggestions. She should be thankful for your help, so far. She has to learn from her own mistakes. Good luck and best wishes.

Old 05-05-2008, 03:33 PM   #3
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Re: How do I support a family member who is on self destruct?

Hello Jen,

Your help is putting you into more debt, which in term will present more stress for you in the long run.

Though it may be difficult, you have to let her run her own course.

Take care.


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