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caring for my grandma

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Old 05-18-2011, 02:58 PM   #1
Join Date: May 2011
Location: winnipeg,manitoba canada
Posts: 1
chunkymonkey3 HB User
caring for my grandma

This is going to be kind of long but i really just need to vent. I'm a 23 old undergrad university student. I've been looking after my grandmother (64) for the past 5 years now since i was 18. She got sick in 2006 had two heart attacks and a stroke. She spent two months in the hostpital, juring that time i was still in highschool about to graduate (which i did).

My grandmother has been the glue that held my family together, she such a strong women worked very hard all her live , gave everything she could to her 4 children ( 2 girls,2 boys). And even took care of me since i was 6 months old because my dad didnt want me and my mom couldn't really care for me and even to this day doesn't even care about me. So once i graduated highschool my uncle told me i need to get a job to help since my grandma is sick and is unable to work anymore. Which was fine at the time since i was young and naive and really looked up to my uncle. Anyways a year later her kidneys started to fail and had to be put on dailysis 3 times a week She was very week and unale to walk far and had to use a wheelchair. I would drive her to the clinic and then my uncle would pick her but complained everytime he did, how it cost to much gas and that he had better things to do with hes time .

After a year it was really getting hard for her to get out of my small car since it was low. So i ask my other uncle if he could drive her and which he did for about 4 months then both my uncles said they couldn't do it anymore because it cost to much money and time. Whats 30 mins out of ur day???? So i got handi transit for her which she hates but thats the only other option i had since its to hard for her to get in my car and she has a power wheelchair now. Anyways in 2009 i got layoff and starting goin to school full time.

I'm the one who takes her to all her doctors appointments sometimes there are very early in the morning. I'm the one who is waken up at 2 am because she can't breath or has soil her self and needs to be cleaned up. I do all of her personal care since she has limited mobility and is unable to dress her self.I do get homecare but they are a joke! I change her bandages i laundry... pay the bills i give her insulin injections since she is diabetic...i do everything and anything and with out complain because i love my grandma she all i got.

Her children don't really do much i know they are older and have family's of there own but they can a least come by once in awhile a give a hand they only about 15min drive away. My unlce who has two degrees ( B.Sc and BN) all he cares about is money. My grandma has to beg him just to help with fixing something in the house because we just can't afford it since my only income right now is student loan. And we don;t ask him all the time only if it something major like the hotwater tank going out. Just the other day he spend 8,000 of my grandmas line of credit without even asking her since he has POA and said he says its "our" money and he had bills to pay?? and she can keep paying it but he has a big time Nursing job! Her 2 daughters (my so call mother and aunt) both live on welfare and don't want to help.

I'm taking th summer off from school because my grades are slipping due to all the stress and my aunt was stayin with us for about 4 months because she was ill. it was hell having her there she doesn't clean ..makes a mess and she is a very selfish person. i told my grandma never again! I'm so stress out and depressed. I've been having chest pain but i got an x-ray,,EKG butnothin is wrong with my heart just stress. Also my anxiety has gone from a 3 to about 10...i get panic attacks alot too. I don't know why her children are like the way they are she has help them there whole life untill she got sick and now for them to help its a huge problem. Its as if they are mad at her for getting sick?? I dread the day when she moves on , i can see them trying to get there hands on all her stuff. They already make small jokes like can i have this when u pass?? are u serious??

my grandma has lots more years left to live! ...I usually don't complain but i just can't take it anymore and i have no one to talk to and my bf doesn't understand. I'm really anice person and always willing to help even my cousins when then need a ride somewhere but lately i'm just felt anger towards my family and don't even wont to talk to them. Sorry for it being long i just need an outlet thanks for reading.

Last edited by chunkymonkey3; 05-19-2011 at 09:03 AM.

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Old 06-24-2011, 06:26 AM   #2
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: New England, US
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LessStress38 HB UserLessStress38 HB UserLessStress38 HB UserLessStress38 HB UserLessStress38 HB User
Re: caring for my grandma

Hi! Sorry I didn't read your post sooner. You definitely need some time for yourself. I hope you get refreshed. Find time to care for your basic needs even. You are wonderful to be there.
I can see you are from Canada. I am not sure what's available for your grandmother assistance wise. You may be able to speak to your grandmother about agencies that help with home care according to her health insurance. It would be a great relief to you and help to her. It's not that you wouldn't help anymore, just so you could be more refreshed for when you do help her.
just look it up online under your location and home care. Hope this post helps.

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Old 07-12-2011, 08:14 PM   #3
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janewd HB User
Re: caring for my grandma

Hi Chunky,

I am right there with you. I have been taking care of my father for 3 years. He wasn't supposed to make the 4 hour car ride down here. Since he's been here my sister (his other daughter) has called about 20 times, in 38 months, his sister has written one message on ********, and my cousin, my fathers niece has been here twice. Mind you he has two brothers also. Sometimes I think to myself, where to hell are these people from?? Is this how they were my whole life and I just didn't see it? Probably because I was never around them. But my sister, yeah, she totally sucks. I cannot believe her. She didn't even call our dad on Fathers day. Honestly it breaks my heart. I love my father like you love your grandmother but sometimes all the extra stress (familys, finances, just everyday duties) puts an impossible load on us. I understand I really do. I think your a great person and I am very shy and don't normally write at all but in this instance your story sounds so similar to mine, I felt it necessary and I feel for you. I would say just take it day by day and keep your chin up. God sees everything and knows how you feel in your heart, and when it's your time to go see him, you will get your wings and maybe those selfish family members, won't!!! Take Care and Good Luck with your grandmother.

Last edited by janewd; 07-12-2011 at 08:15 PM.

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Old 07-13-2011, 08:30 AM   #4
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Fredericksburg, VA
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renko HB Userrenko HB Userrenko HB Userrenko HB Userrenko HB Userrenko HB Userrenko HB Userrenko HB Userrenko HB Userrenko HB Userrenko HB User
Re: caring for my grandma

Hi, I was reading about what a fine granddaughter you are to your grandmother. You sound like the only one who is responsible and take your caring for her seriously. I also think if you can get medical power of attorney if you can get that in Canada and also have your grandmother write a will and ask her where she wants all her things to go if she should pass then you will have a legal paper that has her wishes on it. Maybe you can get it notorized at a bank so that it is legal. I wish you the very best in helping your grandmother. It looks like her children aren't very responsible and caring and yet God gave you compassion and love for her and God bless you for that. Take care of yourself too and make sure you get enough rest when you can. I'm so proud of you that you are trying to go to school and make a better future for yourself and your children. Sometimes when parents give too much to their children, then they become to expect things all their lives and feel entitled and don't work for anything. I'm sorry your grandmother has all her children not caring about her and worrying about money for gas. I don't understand families who are not grateful for the parents they have but there are always dynamics of dysfunction in families and all don't always get along. Again, your grandmother will have a better quality of life with you being there to help and I'm glad you took the summer off from school so you can rest and get your energy back. Best wishes to you. You need to find a good friend or mentor who will listen to you and I hope you find someone to share with and who will really listen to you.

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Old 07-13-2011, 08:54 AM   #5
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Re: caring for my grandma

I agree with Renko. Talk to your grandmother about her will and wishes. Sounds hard, but has to be done. Get a lawyer (if she doesn't have one already). Just because her son has POA, he shouldn't be allowed to take so much money. You are the one caring for her and you should be the one handling the "fun" part which is what your uncle thinks because he has no problem spending it. Don't get walked on. They aren't helping. Don't feel like you owe them something. Stand up for yourself and protect your grandmother in the process.
If you open the door even a little bit - the devil will fling it open. Keep it closed with prayer.

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