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Losing my mind...

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Old 07-26-2012, 01:09 PM   #1
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Madison County, Alabama
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Losing my mind...

This is my first post here and I am desperately in need of some guidance.

To make a very long complicated story as short as possible, my mother has been living with me for 5 months. She is bed-ridden and I have to care for her. I have no siblings. We pay for someone to come and stay with her when I have class at night (twice a week) and when I need to run errands (once a week).

My mother is bed-ridden by choice. She doesn't want to use her power chair. She lays in her bed all day long, every day.

When I say she made this choice, it is because she is an above-knee amputee and has limited use of her left arm (same side of amputation). She's had PT come to the house and teach her to transfer to her chair. She refuses to use it.

The woman I have coming in took care of my grandmother. She is a CNA and does an okay job. However, I am her only mode of transportation to and from my home.

I am a stay-at-home mom to three, a 9 year old son and twin 4 year old girls. I thank heaven for my husband. He is my rock.

But in the long run, I feel like I've become a slave. Chained to this house. At night, when I can't sleep and my mind is racing, I feel like I am on the edge of insanity and only a small incident away from LOSING MY MIND.

I've looked into putting my mom in a full-time facility. That costs money we don't have. She gets a retirement, but it pays for her needs, and then we seem to be covering the rest. Let's not even talk about how much money she owes to various doctors....

I saw an elder care lawyer and she basically told me in the state of Alabama, I can pay out-of-pocket for the first calendar month of days in a facility, then I can apply for Medicade Instutional Care Program. There's a high likelihood she would be approved, but we have to come up with the funds for AT LEAST those first days used in the first calendar month.

My mother knows these are my intentions...

But I haven't figured out a way to raise the money.

And I literally feel like I am LOSING MY MIND. I don't get enough sleep, have to cater to her every need, and am juggling school and my children at the same time.

I just don't know what to do. Sometimes I very seriously think about running away. Other times I wonder if I could just call the Sherrif and have her put in a state facility and just give it up.

In all my duties for her (including wiping her rear since she goes on a bed pan), I rarely get a thank-you. She is cognitive and could say it - that isn't the problem. She acts like I owe this to her even though she does NOTHING to better her position in life. NOTHING. She COULD be more active and do things for herself, but she chooses not to. FIVE MONTHS in my home and nothing is different.

I am wondering if I CAN make her a ward of the state. Guilt? Not here. Her poor choices, life-long pattern of making horrible choices, mis-management of her money, and laziness have left her in that bed. I just don't want to pay for it anymore. ANYMORE. I want to go back to being a healthy-minded mommy to my children, a wife that isn't on the constant verge of insanity.

Last night as I couldn't sleep, all I could think about was how depressed I've become. I was NEVER a depressed person. Always the optimist. My soul is broken. All I want to do is escape. Run away. I'm at my all time low and I just don't know what to do. Help. Anything, please.

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Old 07-26-2012, 04:08 PM   #2
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Re: Losing my mind...

I do feel for you. I was helping take care of my Mom. One thing I learned was if you give in and don't hold your ground about not assisting in things she is able to do herself she'll never attempt to and will atrophy. It's kind of a damned if you do and damed if you don't thing. We had many rounds of how mean I was being.

For your own mental health and you families she needs to be out of your house if she is not trying to do for herself or cooperating with the Physical or Occupational therapy. a decent facility will help direct you in filing for medicare/medicaid assistance.

I wish you all the best, it's a very difficult situation to be in.

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Old 07-27-2012, 10:09 PM   #3
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Re: Losing my mind...

Hello tklsmom

I believe you can apply for emergency medicaid for her,due to the specific set of circumstances you've explained.
They will base things upon her monthly income and will also take into consideration her present condition(both physically and psychologically).

It's definitely worth looking into.

When in doubt, post it out.

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Old 03-17-2013, 11:22 AM   #4
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Re: Losing my mind...

I would turn her over to the state. You cant allow her to ruin the best years of your life. She sounds like a total drain. Your time and energy belong to your children and husband.
If you’re going through hell, keep going – Winston Churchill.

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Old 03-19-2013, 01:54 PM   #5
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Re: Losing my mind...

Yes, it is especially difficult when the person you are caring for is not motivated to improve. Possibly you could consider having a caregiver live in your home rent-free in exchange for caregiving. In addition, sometimes reducing caffeine can help, if you drink caffeinated beverages. It helps to cut back very gradually, rather than suddenly. I don't know what else to say, but try to take a day at a time. At least with the warmer weather coming soon, that should help some. Good Luck

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