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Super Page 11-13-2012 07:09 PM

Dementia with 91 year old Mom
First time to post for me. When I came to the site, I felt like I had issues but after reading some of the others, it's not nearly what a lot of you have.

Mom is 91 and lives in an adult apartment complex. We moved her out here about 2 years ago to be closeby. She has some assistance with her cleaning & they fix meals although she eats breakfast for herself in the mornings. She's on numerous medications. My brother calls her twice a day so she will take the meds. She's in excellent health except for the dementia.

Mom doesn't remember things at all. Starting not to know her grandchildren & great grands. She knows the ones she sees on a frequent basis but she even confuses my brother with her brother.

Today I found out that she had thrown new sheets away because they weren't hers. She had gotten them for Christmas last year. That's a new one for us!

I do her bills for her, shop for her breakfast foods, do her laundry. We are having problems with taking baths. She says she will but she doesn't. Tonight she said she would and I told her to call me after she gets done. IF she doesn't, I will have to go over and sit in her apartment until she does.

It seems like weekly there is something else that starts going downhill. I guess i need to decide exactly how much is too much for me to do! It seems like every week, there is something new that I need to do for her. It's sometimes overwhelming with all this. I am fortunate that she is mostly agreeable and not combative at all. We did not get along when I was younger so this is a blessing.

Just thought I would check on this forum to see if I saw any ideas of what to do for help.

Phoenix 11-18-2012 07:00 PM

Re: Dementia with 91 year old Mom
Hello SuperPage and welcome.

I applaud your efforts for going above and beyond the call of duty for your mother;bless you. :angel:

Have you considered speaking with her health aide,to help lighten your load?

Try finding out what your mother's right's and responsibilities are and at least consider proceeding from there.


ibake&pray 11-19-2012 09:03 AM

Re: Dementia with 91 year old Mom
[COLOR="Purple"][FONT="Verdana"]Welcome to the boards!

I am sorry for your issues with your Mom. It sounds like it is Alzheimers with her. I lost my mom to that dreaded disease5 years ago and the pain is still raw.

What you are experiencing is normal for an adult with dementia. The fact that she is now forgetting faces means that her short term memory is going. The issue with the sheets is also common. not bathing is also a common problem. My dad had a type of dementia and we had the same bathing issues. I would say that you will soon find that she is forgetting to eat breakfast also. As for the meds-you should have someone give them to her when she needs them. At this stage, she will forget to take one or two of them if she doesn't see them, or if she feels she doesn't need them.

Her home health aid should be able to bathe her and to make sure that she has her meds

At this point, it is wise to make sure that you "mom proof" her place much as you would have for a two year old. My Mom put a card down on a hot burner and could have burned the place down. You have to realize that she is slowly losing her ability to function on her own. It might be time for you to consider an Alzheimer unit for your Mom. Somewhere where she can be protected and get the everyday help she needs with bathing and medications and such. Have a look at the Alzheimer board here and see if you can get some good tips for your mom. I am so sorry that you have to go through this....and there is no end of this until they pass..

good luck and keep us posted. [/FONT][/COLOR]

Super Page 11-19-2012 11:33 AM

Re: Dementia with 91 year old Mom
Thank you both for your imputs. We are kind of taking it a day at a time at this point. We do not have a home health aide as of yet. That will be our next step I'm afraid! So far, it is working out that my brother calls her twice a day to tell her to take her meds & she's done ok with that. Like you both is a challenge and I know it will not get any better.

I just took complete control of her check book. She really only wrote checks to the beauty shop that is there in her apt. complex. I paid ahead for two months and they will call me when it gets low. I was worried that she might feel very generous and write a check to someone that doesn't need to be paid!

It is a good thing to know that she could forget to eat, I hadn't thought of that part! You just never know until you've been there and seen it! I have read some on it but obviously not enough!

I will keep you posted. I appreciate the incite!

rudiraven 11-29-2012 03:53 PM

Re: Dementia with 91 year old Mom
Check the meds she is on. They could be causing some of the memory problems, especially if she's on a statin drug for cholesterol reduction.

jennifer0023 01-27-2013 04:26 AM

Re: Dementia with 91 year old Mom
It sounds like you need to get a home aide immediately. My coworker has his father-in-law living with him and, so far, 3 times he has simply walked outside and left wandering. He is getting a home aide during the day-just to watch them. It can turn into a dangerous situation very quickly.
It's wonderful how you are taking care of your mother.

kayak1022 01-30-2013 09:57 PM

Re: Dementia with 91 year old Mom
It has been a couple of months since your post. Now is the time if you haven't already done it, to get more support for your mom. She is in a dangerous situation in that she is not aware of her decisions and actions. Safety is first on the list. Hopefully you have been able to get her to a different living situation ie., assisted living or someone living with her.
Check with the county department of Aging, in the county your mom lives in. They have programs that provide aides and financial support in many situations. Home delivered meals, help with housekeeping and laundry, meal preparation. There are also machines that can be rented to "administer" the meds with a timer and notifier. Day Care may be another option. Talk to the caseworker(s) at the County Dept. of Aging for agencies they use/trust if you have to pay out of pocket. Good Luck

Super Page 01-31-2013 12:19 AM

Re: Dementia with 91 year old Mom
Thanks for all the advice from all of you. No, I have not gotten anymore support for my Mom as yet. Yes, I have been looking into it but with the holidays and a vacation thrown into everything I have not made any decision.

Mom is in an adult retirement center that does all the cooking. She chooses to eat her breakfast in her apartment. She only has coffee & cereal for breakfast so no cooking is involved. We did get her a coffee pot that has an automatic shut off after 2 hours, I think.

I have already looked into a machine that would alert Mom to take her meds BUT that would require her to be in the same vicinity as that machine. She spends a lot of her day down in the "living room" of her complex. They have lots of couches there and people visit with each other.

Again, thank you. I have found this to be a big help for myself. More later.

ninamarc 03-28-2013 01:36 PM

Re: Dementia with 91 year old Mom
Please also check the other board here (Alzheimer's and dementia) for more info. There are many members there who deal with demented family members.
Set up automatic payments for the utilities bills.


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