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Old 11-18-2012, 06:56 PM   #1
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Canada
Posts: 1
Missn HB User

Hi...I have been helping to take care of my elderly parent, 83 with physical problems for the past couple months and this has gone on for the last two years. I try but sometimes the situation is very unkind. Sometimes I think the problem is that it is because I am trying so am not really meant to be here at all even though things are a mess (in her life.) I resent the fact that she dumps all her personal problems on me and probably what I have to do is say that...because it is not right, especially when I am not taking care of myself. Tonight i was thinking it is I am helping because she is a parent but there is no "love of God" in me...many times I think she is just in this mess because of her own behavior. No one likes a martyr, including the martyr herself. So, as I think about things tonight, I think this is not love, it is obligation...I can't change anyone, but I can change myself. I keep trying to look at things spiritually and often here, I self destruct because of doing things out of obligation and not saying how I feel...I think I understand some of the issues here but it would be nice to have others to talk to.

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Old 10-26-2013, 09:08 AM   #2
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Florida
Posts: 1
SaritaEnFlorida HB User
Re: Support

Sounds like your parent has dementia. Dementia plays havoc with people's personalities and emotions, and often makes them unpleasant and difficult to help.

I'm a caregiver for both my parents, and caregiving is draining. At times it feels the life is being sucked out of me. Another problem (huge) is that the caregiving generally falls on the lap of only one person, at least it does here in the U.S. Caregiving is easier when many family members are involved, when the person needing help lives in a large home with many other family members, and so on. That's usually not possible in the U.S. where the culture is not one of family members staying in the same town or city, but, rather, moving far away from family.

Try to get some help from friends or govt programs. That helps a little bit. Doesn't improve things fully, but that's the way it is here. Also, get counseling for yourself, and exercise. Both of these helped me with the huge burden I have.

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