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So burnt out!

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Old 04-13-2013, 10:40 PM   #1
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kee4u HB User
So burnt out!

A little about me. I lost my mother 7 years ago and to months after that my then 75 year old dad broke his shoulder really bad. Then last year we found out he had Lewey Body Dementia with Parkinson's symtoms. At that time I moved in full time. I have two brothers and a sister that all live near here. My brother lives next door to my dad's house. For a year now I live with my dad and every other weekend my sister take over. I get 4 days off a month. I'm getting so burn out and what makes me so angery is my brother who lives next isn't working owing lots of money to my dad only help me maybe 4 times and never ask me if I need some time off and he would help out. I get so angery looking over at his house and knowing he's sitting on my behind and not offering to help. He told my dad " I would help you but I don't know what to do" Doesn't he think to ask me to show him umm NO! I guess I'm being a hard head I should just tell him to help me. I don't like myself right now. I get short with my dad and every day I get so angery at everyone and everything. I feel guilty for wanting to get out away from dad. And I worry so much that he's going to die I worry so much I have a hard time sleeping. I don't own a house to go too. I don't go visiting any friends. I only see my partner every other week for two day. I don't want to send my dad into a nursing home or adult home one thing it's so much money. I just don't know how people can do this for a living and my hart goes out to all the care givers you are all angels. I could vent more but you wouldn't want to read it. So thank you for letting me vent... Ken

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Old 04-14-2013, 08:03 AM   #2
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Re: So burn out!

You are certainly doing more than your share and it is taking a terrible ntoll on you. It is time to ask and demand more help from your siblings so you get a break. Four days a month off is no where near enough when the job in between is 24/7. Here's a suggestion to consider: Call a family meeting to meet with your siblings. Tell them this is getting too much for you and you need help and a more fair division of care duties. Get out a calendar, and divide it up into equal segments as best as is possible. Schedule specific days/times/including nights that someone else is on duty for your Dad, so you can have a reasonable life. You can stay at your partners perhaps on your nights off so you can rest and get some good sleep without interuption. Plan for some inital orientation time for your siblings to get to know your Dad's routine, dietary habits, meds, activities etc. Show them what they need to learn, and write down whatever you can to make it easier for the transition -easier for them and fewer questions for you to answer. Just because you live there doesn't mean you should be doing all the caretaking. If they haven't offered, they aren't going to. As long as you are willing to do it all, they will let you, so you must take care of yourself and expect them to do their share. If you approach this as a family need/problem that needs solving, they may rise to the occasion. Try to get yourself into problem solving mode before the meeting, so the anger and frustration is not apparent, which will put them on the defensive. Simply state the fact that you cannot do it all, and need more help. Actually it is your Dad that needs the help, and if you put it that way it will be better.
There are also many organizations that provide respite care for caregivers of the ill and elderly. I would check out the senior resources and especially Parkinson related non-profits for some assistance for your Dad. Just do a search for caregiver resources, elderly care, non-profit organizations for the ill and elderly, and for Parkinson's in your area. You'll be amazed at how many resources are available for people to get assistance when they are dealing with caregiving and trying to keep family members in their own homes as they age. Good luck. I hope your siblings pitch in and do their share for your Dad. It is ok to ask and expect this. It is time for them to give back to the father who cared for them as kids.

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Old 04-23-2013, 04:36 AM   #3
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cherie57 HB User
Re: So burnt out!

Kee4u -
I have to agree with ladybud....... I do this for a living and it puts stress on you...TELL your siblings they have to help or hire someone to care for your dad while you take some respite.........

Last edited by cherie57; 04-23-2013 at 04:38 AM. Reason: spelling

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