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concerned about friend

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Old 04-09-2007, 10:21 AM   #1
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Union NJ USA
Posts: 2
truthsearcher06 HB User
concerned about friend

I have a male friend that ended a long term realtionship about a year and a half ago. His ex put him down a lot in the area of his masculinity. His health does add to his concerns (CP and other issues) about his abilities. We dated briefly (a few months) when things heated up between us he withdrew. He changed from happy go lucky to angry and belittling to me and he suddenly went from having time for me a few times a week to not having any time for months. Needless to say the relationship cooled, after a period of no contact at his request, we got back in touch. we never resumed the dating relationship and the contact was casual or professional (we work in related fields) whenever we would take about something serious (professional or personal) he would get angry at me. The only good conversation we had involved casual topics like TV.

I am concerned that he is in a very bad place emotionally, I am trying to give him time and keep things casual. Right now he won't talk to me-he doesn't like the fact that I am concerned about him. He says he's fine even though his behavior says he's not.

I've tried to reassure hm that we could take things as they go. The way he is emotiionally I know that we cannot have a serious relationship. I've told him our relationship doesn't have to be sexual and there is no pressure. We were never in a committed relationship to begin with-I continue to keep my options open and reach out to make connections with other possible significant others--

But he is still fearful-not just with me-he is hiding from life and anything that may not be 'safe'

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Old 04-17-2007, 11:33 AM   #2
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Join Date: Jan 2005
Posts: 102
Albertarose HB User
Re: concerned about friend

I understand you want to help your friend. You have to let your friend sort things out in his time. This is his problem NOT yours. You cannot fix him. If your friend wants the help than he has to be willing to do it on his own and his own time. I feel he is not ready to deal with his issues right now but when he is he will either tell you or show you. The other advise I can give you is detach with love and work on yourself. If your friend sees a change in you (to the better) he might come around and start dealing with his issues. Take One Day at a Time and Easy Does It. The more you push this fella the more he will reject you.

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