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-   -   22 year old aspiring author with spastic cp, but lost on love. (https://www.healthboards.com/boards/cerebral-palsy/904258-22-year-old-aspiring-author-spastic-cp-but-lost-love.html)

Crumplefish 06-09-2012 04:54 AM

22 year old aspiring author with spastic cp, but lost on love.
 
Hi everyone,

My name is Devin, and I'm new here, just looking for some outside opinions on some things.

I'm 22, and I've dated before, but I've been single for about two years now. My problem resides in the fact that I feel like most non-disabled women look at me as a burden, or rather think "Oh gosh, would I have to take care of him?"
Now, mind you, I'm not insinuating that all women are the same, I guess maybe I feel like they don't understand? I've gotten looks of disgust just for saying "hi" which is, disheartening to say the least. I am an aspiring author, so I tend to be a bit of a recluse, not horribly, but I like my quiet creative time :)

Ultimately, is it me? Am I just too bitter in the sense that I'm losing my desire to try? Or am I simply discouraged?

Any tips?

ozfan79 06-09-2012 09:55 AM

Re: 22 year old aspiring author with spastic cp, but lost on love.
 
Hi! Welcome!

I can relate to the questions that you asked. I have those exact feelings. I don't have any definite answers for you. I think that some people judge others based on their outward appearance instead of getting to know them first. I wish more people would recognize what a person is like on the inside before judging someone.

My advice to you would be to recognize the positive traits about yourself and keep trying. I'm sure there is someone out there who will realize that you are a worthwhile person despite your differences.

abbySL 06-13-2012 11:38 AM

Re: 22 year old aspiring author with spastic cp, but lost on love.
 
Don't get down on yourself... there are people who will love you for who you are. Sometimes it is tough to meet those people, but you will!

KimmieDee10 06-18-2012 04:32 PM

Re: 22 year old aspiring author with spastic cp, but lost on love.
 
I know exactly what you are talking about. When I was in high school, the guys would get discouraged because I wasn't good with sports. Then they leave me alone. Then when I was an adult, the guys didn't ask me out because they would frown when they see I can't walk up and down stairs "perfectly" or not being a good climber. I did have a boyfriend that thought he could get rid of my CP. He had a real hard time understanding what CP was all about. So, like I said, I know what you are talking about. I also think it is cool that you are a writer, because I am a writer as well.

michellelynn19 06-19-2012 01:34 AM

Re: 22 year old aspiring author with spastic cp, but lost on love.
 
[QUOTE=Crumplefish;4995781]Hi everyone,

My name is Devin, and I'm new here, just looking for some outside opinions on some things.

I'm 22, and I've dated before, but I've been single for about two years now. My problem resides in the fact that I feel like most non-disabled women look at me as a burden, or rather think "Oh gosh, would I have to take care of him?"
Now, mind you, I'm not insinuating that all women are the same, I guess maybe I feel like they don't understand? I've gotten looks of disgust just for saying "hi" which is, disheartening to say the least. I am an aspiring author, so I tend to be a bit of a recluse, not horribly, but I like my quiet creative time :)

Ultimately, is it me? Am I just too bitter in the sense that I'm losing my desire to try? Or am I simply discouraged?

Any tips?[/QUOTE]

I understand how you would feel that way, My boyfriend has cerebal palsy in both of his legs and i don't. He does everything like everyone else and even drives.. Everywhere we go people judge us and judge him. It's not you you cant help what you were born with its the fact that society has a certain nold that you have to fit into to be accepted. If you dont fit that mold then they automatically judge you. It has affected my bf alot with his outlook on people and about a lot of things he dont give a crap because of the way that people treat him. Anyways I wish you the best with finding someone I dont judge my bf at all i really dont see how him using crutches is that big of a deal, although i do have to carry everything because we have a 3 month old son.. which can get tiring but i know its not his fault and if he could he would. I know im not the only one out there like me.. you have to keep moving forward lifes too short.. best of luck

KimmieDee10 06-19-2012 01:48 PM

Re: 22 year old aspiring author with spastic cp, but lost on love.
 
It is so nice to see that someone has the patience and is willing to be with a person with CP. It is hard to find someone that is willing to do all that.



[QUOTE=michellelynn19;5001884]I understand how you would feel that way, My boyfriend has cerebal palsy in both of his legs and i don't. He does everything like everyone else and even drives.. Everywhere we go people judge us and judge him. It's not you you cant help what you were born with its the fact that society has a certain nold that you have to fit into to be accepted. If you dont fit that mold then they automatically judge you. It has affected my bf alot with his outlook on people and about a lot of things he dont give a crap because of the way that people treat him. Anyways I wish you the best with finding someone I dont judge my bf at all i really dont see how him using crutches is that big of a deal, although i do have to carry everything because we have a 3 month old son.. which can get tiring but i know its not his fault and if he could he would. I know im not the only one out there like me.. you have to keep moving forward lifes too short.. best of luck[/QUOTE]

enitharmon 07-06-2012 01:33 PM

Re: 22 year old aspiring author with spastic cp, but lost on love.
 
Hello, Crumplefish.

I don't know if this will address your concerns or not, but here's my experience. FYI I am a 34 year old woman with (mild) CP. I grew up in Missouri but I live in Minnesota now.

I struggled A LOT with dating. I barely kissed anyone in high school. I hoped college would be better, but it really wasn't. I dated a handful of people in my early to mid twenties but nothing lasted more than a few months. The one long-term relationship I had in my late twenties wound up being awful and doing a lot of damage to my self-esteem. I didn't date for years after that one.

But then one day I thought I would put myself out there again. I joined OK Cupid and stated very clearly what I was looking for (a guy with long hair, LOL). I gave up on trying to present myself in a certain (attractive?) manner in my profile and was pretty up front about my personality and quirks. I met my current boyfriend that way. We've been together for two years and we even live together. He accepts me just as I am--flaws and complications and disability and all. This is something that I never really had before, except with a handful of good friends.

If I had to give you advice, it would be to keep a good circle of friends/family around to have your back and let you know you're loved. Keep writing as well. Having a creative outlet is super important. It may also help you explore who you are and what you want. Having said that, I have to tell you that what I *thought* I wanted in a boyfriend/partner changed a lot as I got older.

I got lucky in love, but it took me a very long time. Hopefully love won't force you to be as patient as it forced me to be!

Take care,
--e

KimmieDee10 07-06-2012 01:45 PM

Re: 22 year old aspiring author with spastic cp, but lost on love.
 
I loved how your story ended. You are right - it is hard to find a guy that can be patient with someone that has CP.




[QUOTE=enitharmon;5013896]Hello, Crumplefish.

I don't know if this will address your concerns or not, but here's my experience. FYI I am a 34 year old woman with (mild) CP. I grew up in Missouri but I live in Minnesota now.

I struggled A LOT with dating. I barely kissed anyone in high school. I hoped college would be better, but it really wasn't. I dated a handful of people in my early to mid twenties but nothing lasted more than a few months. The one long-term relationship I had in my late twenties wound up being awful and doing a lot of damage to my self-esteem. I didn't date for years after that one.

But then one day I thought I would put myself out there again. I joined OK Cupid and stated very clearly what I was looking for (a guy with long hair, LOL). I gave up on trying to present myself in a certain (attractive?) manner in my profile and was pretty up front about my personality and quirks. I met my current boyfriend that way. We've been together for two years and we even live together. He accepts me just as I am--flaws and complications and disability and all. This is something that I never really had before, except with a handful of good friends.

If I had to give you advice, it would be to keep a good circle of friends/family around to have your back and let you know you're loved. Keep writing as well. Having a creative outlet is super important. It may also help you explore who you are and what you want. Having said that, I have to tell you that what I *thought* I wanted in a boyfriend/partner changed a lot as I got older.

I got lucky in love, but it took me a very long time. Hopefully love won't force you to be as patient as it forced me to be!

Take care,
--e[/QUOTE]


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