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jencor2 05-31-2005 02:23 AM

11 year old having trouble making and keeping friends
My son who is 11 is slightly overweight he gets picked on a lot because of this and has trouble making friends his grades in school are very good and he likes school but for the past 2 years hes had only one friend and this friend he has is mentally challenged I dont think theres anything wrong with that by any means his friend is a very sweet boy but my son says kids are mean to him and he can't make any other friends they call him fat say he lives in fatville things that are just cruel when hes at home he doesent go out to play at all and complains hes bored and expects me to be his entertainment its mommy this mommy that any suggestions on how to get him to be more socialable I never ever had that trouble as a child or even now I always had tons of friends


southjerseymom 05-31-2005 06:28 PM

Re: 11 year old having trouble making and keeping friends
My heart goes out to you and your son. Kids can be so cruel and mean! 11 is a very difficult and awkward age anyway. All kids have self-esteem issues at one time or another. What you need to do is help your son learn to like and respect himself more? How? It's not going to happen over night but first you have to talk to him about his interests. Does he like to read? Take him to the library. There are often monthly events. He could participate and meet others with the same interests. How about crafts or music? You can find local listings in your newspaper or phone book for craft classes or music. I know there's a summer science camp in my town where kids can go for 1 or all 10 classes. Martial arts like karate are supposed to be wonderful in teaching kids discipline. Whatever interests your son, look into it. It can open the door to new friends, a hobby, and better self- esteem. If his weight is bothering him, perhaps you two can have time together to ride bikes, play frisbee, or go for a walk. The thing is to get moving. Sitting around expecting to be entertained can be quite taxing and depressing, I'm sure. Increased physical activity will give him more energy, help elevate his mood and he'll burn calories, which we know will result in some weight loss. You have to gently explain that you are willing to help him find a hobby but it is not your responsibility to be his entertainment 24/7. Ask him what he wants and try to come up with a plan together. If the teasing gets bad at school,don't hestitate to bring it up to his teacher. There's no reason a child should have to be verbally abused by his peers. I know kids can be awful with dealing with one another. Maybe you can help your son come up with a good comment like, " And you're perfect?" or "What's it to you?" or "So". Let your son know you love him and you are there to help him find his way. Good luck.

jencor2 06-01-2005 12:17 AM

Re: 11 year old having trouble making and keeping friends
Thank you so much for your reply and insight I know a lot of his difficulties has to do with being an only child he never really learned the proper way to deal with other children I sit down with him today and together we worked out a menu one that will hopefully keep him from overeating this summer also we are going to start walking every morning in the a.m. I know it will be difficult to get out and going in the a.m. but you are right sitting around isent helping anything my mom has also told him she will give him 2 dollars for every pound he loses just to give him that extra incentive you know I am also going to look online for some crafts maybe he and I can do together and also check into that library thing thanks again for your advice


fifistoosh 06-01-2005 05:44 PM

Re: 11 year old having trouble making and keeping friends
Great advice from southjerseymom.

Are there any scout groups where you live? They are a good way for all different kinds of kids to mix and make new friends. The activities could help with the weight problem too!

What about church? Do they have any youth groups there?

How about swimming, its an easy and fun way for you both to exercise.

Hope things work out for you.

chickabom 07-03-2005 06:31 PM

Re: 11 year old having trouble making and keeping friends
when i was 11 i was chubby and some kids were making fun of me.
My parents brought it to my attention gently, and since then i lost weight.
By the time i was 15 i was ok with the way i looked and nobody even mentioned my weight to me..

Regardless of size its not right to make fun of anyone, but kids are kids.
I suggest if your son is over weight perhaps you can change his diet around a little bit? Its much much easier for younger people and kids to lose weight then it is for adults. A change in diet would be good because he is likely to grow in hight, and if he can maintain the same weight he is likely to slim down as he grows.
It can be hard to make friends at school because kids listen to other kids..its enough for 2-3 boys to start making fun of him, and even tho who do like him wont hang out with him in fear of being teased. So i suggest signing him up for some extra activities, perhaps a sport outside school? Anything really that interests him..

Best of luck:)

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