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Need advice on my Stepdaughter...

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Old 03-12-2008, 04:05 PM   #1
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Macomb County, MI
Posts: 5
StepMomster HB User
Unhappy Need advice on my Stepdaughter...

Here's the problem. My DH was contacted today by my SD (stepdaughter's) SF (stepfather) and told that my youngest SD, 8, was taken into the hospital for passing out. This isn't the first time this has happened either, the first that we know of was a little over a year ago and no reason was ever given by the doctor's or my SD's BM (bio-mom).

Well my DH and my SD's BM don't talk, at all, which has left my DH little choice in how he finds out about anything pertaining to his children. After getting their records almost a year ago is when we discovered that my youngest SD passed out at school and was taken in to see her primary care physician (PCP). According to their records, there appear to have been no tests done and nothing was given as a 'diagnosis'. It did mention that a hypoglycemic diet was discussed, but my DH was never informed as to what that meant or what it was intended for, IF it was being followed.

So back to today... SD passes out, according to their SF, at home while making dinner. Her BM said she hadn't eaten anything since lunch and didn't eat much then (don't know how she knew this as the kids were at school, or at least they were supposed to be). They took her to the hospital and were out in under three hours after being told pretty much nothing, at least nothing she found worth repeating to my DH. As it stands, an otherwise perfectly healthy eight year old is just passing out for no reason. BM said the thing about the change in diet from the first time this happened was b/c she needed the extra fiber, which doesn't seem to fit.

We don't know how often she is passing out b/c their BM has sole physical custody and my DH only gets to see them EOWE, but her mom said she doesn't eat well and was making it sound like she just refuses to eat when she eats fine here. I'm actually surprised most of the time that they both eat as much as they do.

Who should we take her to see? What kind of doctor would be best to look into this?

Also, I don't know that it has any relevance, but I'm going to mention it anyway. My SD have been through several counselor's in the past six months, all of whom ended up quitting. They all also noted in their records that my SD's had adjustment disorders. Could that explain why my youngest SD insists on talking 'baby talk' all the time? Her BM also reports that she wets the bed at night, again, this is something that never happens in our home and we wonder if it is true or BM trying to get attention.

Sorry to bombard with questions, but their BM is a real piece of work and she would rather something happen to the children to spite their father, than to actually do something, like be a mom. The situation is really complicated, however my DH (and myself included) feel that BM is grossly ignoring the children's health. Shouldn't the youngest see someone who specializes in this sort of thing rather than just an ordinary doctor if she is passing out for no reason? (FYI...their doctors office is a complete joke, as well as the doctors who severely screwed me up a couple years ago. Would love to see the children taken anywhere but there, but b/c of that BM insists on taking them there to PO my DH).

There are issues with both my SD's, however this is something that has now come up for the second time in about a year, a little over.


Last edited by StepMomster; 03-13-2008 at 07:51 AM.

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Old 03-12-2008, 08:39 PM   #2
Senior Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Ohio, USA
Posts: 118
shannonjord08 HB User
Re: Need advice on my Stepdaughter...

stepmomster(love the name),
First of all, I would try to get custody of the kids. It sounds like their mother is just using them to get to their Dad and that, to me, is not a Mom. Who in the world would do that to their kids?? Unreal!!!!
It sounds to me like the 8 year old is unnourished. One thing that came to my mind is a game that young teens and preteens play. I don't know if you know what I'm talking about, but if nothing was found in the hospital as to why she passed out, it could be possible that she makes herself pass out. It's a sick and twisted game these kids play and it's very dangerous. Somehow, someway, they can make themselves pass out. I would be very aware of that and maybe talk to someone in her school to find out if anyone of her friends have passed out before. I don't mean to scare you about this, but it's something serious.
I hope you get everything worked out. It sounds to me like the kids would be better off living with you and your hubby.
Good luck and keep us posted.
PS: I would find a good pediatrician and take her there. I wouldn't even tell her real Mom.

Old 03-13-2008, 07:50 AM   #3
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Macomb County, MI
Posts: 5
StepMomster HB User
Re: Need advice on my Stepdaughter...

I have heard of the passing out game before, I just kind of wrote off the idea b/c I really don't see it from my SD's, especially the youngest as she is very meek, quiet and shy... but anything is possible I suppose.

What you said about my youngest being unnourished though is ringing some bells... their mom called my DH several months ago having fits b/c the kids were saying they don't get fed here (completely untrue obviously). At that time mom laid down the law telling us when to feed the kids, which she then gave specific times which they were used to at her home. I believe they are to eat, according to their mother, at around 8am, noon and 6pm. Our schedule is a bit different b/c DH works afternoons, so our times are a little off from their moms house, but they still eat and they eat very well when they are here. Anyway... I have noticed that since mom made that call to my husband a few months ago, she hasn't been feeding the kids before we pick them up on Saturdays and they are practically starving by the time we get them b/c they insist on getting up very early and we don't get them until noon (when they're supposed to be eating lunch according to their mom. So from about 7am until noon she gives them nothing but maybe a few crackers or something, nothing which is filling or really even food. Both times she has passed out has also been within a couple of days of having to go back to their moms. Just seems weird to me.

As far as taking them to a doctor, we can't really do much there b/c they are now on stepfather's insurance. Not to mention that there is a court order which states that mom and my DH HAVE TO keep one another updated as to what is going on with their health, doctors appointments etc. They also signed an order to keep 3rd parties out of it b/c their mother keeps forcing her husband into the middle of things, as with yesterday, mom didn't call to say my hubby's daughter was in the hospital, her husband did! In fact, she was just threatened with jail time in January by the judge b/c she is a complete idiot and they know it, but don't want to do anything about it. So we can't access their insurance to find out where she can be taken and if we do take her somewhere we have to tell BM or my hubby will be in violation of his court order. We shouldn't care as mom has violated every one of them for eight years straight, but if my hubby did I KNOW he wouldn't get away with it like she does!

Thanks for the reply and I will have my husband talk to their teachers, or at least try. Mom has had the main influence over the teachers, doctors, etc. so it isn't easy getting anyone to cooperate with my hubby b/c the kids mom is out telling lies to everyone so they won't talk to him. We will try to figure something out b/c this BS has got to stop!!

THANKS again!

Last edited by StepMomster; 03-13-2008 at 07:50 AM.

Old 03-13-2008, 08:11 AM   #4
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Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: San Diego, California
Posts: 1,530
AlexaIn2006 HB UserAlexaIn2006 HB UserAlexaIn2006 HB User
Re: Need advice on my Stepdaughter...

If the child is hypoglycemic and your husband knew that all he had to do was search it on the internet and he could have learned what this meant and how to feed his daughter accordingly, you don't need a doctor to tell you. Basically it is because of a poor diet and bad foods. I am the same way and I need to eat frequently too or my sugra levels get low fast therefore making you dizzy and I nearly passed out a few times before.

Also, I hope everyone can find some peace for the sake of the kids. Imagine her life my got a new husband, dad got a new wife and there there may be more kids and all of the sudden she is confused and lost. She baby talks for attention, her life is chaotic.

Old 03-13-2008, 08:30 AM   #5
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Macomb County, MI
Posts: 5
StepMomster HB User
Re: Need advice on my Stepdaughter...

Well my husband didn't, and doesn't, know anything about it. The last time my SD passed out was at school and their mother didn't tell my DH about it. He found out about it when he got their medical records last summer. According to the paperwork for that day when she was taken in, she wasn't taken into the ER, her mother waited and took her to their regular PCP. That doctor wrote in the report, "A hypoglycemic diet was discussed with the parents". My DH is the father, so they were obviously referring to their stepfather when 'parents' were mentioned as my DH didn't know anything about it! She wasn't given a diagnosis or reason for why this is happening, likely b/c the doctors don't know b/c she's not been tested for squat!

BM finally did break down and discuss that much with my DH yesterday, but she said that my SD needed to eat extra fiber b/c she wasn't getting enough due to not eating good. I DID go on-line, read everything I can get my hands on and mom's reasoning is a load of BS. IF she were hypoglycemic the fiber is only to get her from one meal to the next, NOT b/c she needs the extra fiber, b/c she doesn't.

DH has been trying to meet with their PCP to speak to him in person, but it has been like pulling teeth from a hungry crock. They have all dealt with mom for so long, as well as her stories about my hubby, that they all treat him like DIRT!! Even with multiple court orders my DH can't get anywhere whatsoever and they all say the same thing... it is a custody dispute and they don't want to get involved, DESPITE the fact that it is not a custody issue as custody was determined nine years ago. The problem is my DH has joint legal custody, which appears to be canceled out, for lack of a better word, by mom having sole physical and being married (her DH has my DH's legal rights to his children, but NEVER adopted them... figure that one out!!). DH has already been told by the kids school that he has to take their STEPFATHER to court to take his rights away WHEN HE HAS NONE!! Everyone seems to think since they live with the stepfather, he shoud get the rights whereas my DH gets nothing and there is NO court order stating this should be taking place, it is simply being allowed despite how hard my DH and I fight it!

As you can see, it is a very complicate situation, one which the mother makes ten times worse and she IS using her husband to strip my husband of his legal rights. Guess I can't say she is b/c she already HAS! I wish we could get custody b/c I've got folders on top of folders proving she is an unfit mother, she neglects her children and mentally abuses them... all of which I can prove, but lawyers don't want to get involved either, at least not beyond making their $$$. Been through several, all of whom were hired by my DH and screwed him over in the end!!

Anyway... we get nowhere and I was hoping someone may have an idea as to how to get around BM and her husband. She's a spineless, sad excuse for a woman and he is an even sadder excuse for a man!!

Thanks for the reply!!

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