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  • My Description & battle with my CFS - is it Anxious Depression? Is it my nature?

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    Old 04-27-2009, 07:53 AM   #1
    Passius
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    My Description & battle with my CFS - is it Anxious Depression? Is it my nature?

    Hello. Thank you for taking the time to visit this thread.

    I am creative, intelligent, passionately emotional, talented, intense person who has been struggling with fatigue since childhood. In terms of recognizing, treating and taking seriously the illness I have been my own worst enemy, my ambitious and self-starving nature digging me deeper and deeper into a series of intellectual fixed beliefs, lack of self care, and indeed, unrealistic ideas about my life that have embedded the condition in the most heavily compacted manner possible.

    It is only through intensive, private Psycho Therapy with a specialise in M.E./CFS and VERY importantly in my case, Hypno Therapy – and the guidance of a close friend who has very similar symptoms and character traits, that I have been able to make any headway. With typical egocentricity, I grieve for myself; but also use this to acknowledge the appalling and bewildering torture I have been through, which I now believe has it's roots deep in a tortured and self loathing psychological deformity which was a reaction to an untenable childhood relationship with my father.

    The most frightening thing about my battle with CFS – a condition that to date my GP's refuse to diagnose me with, despite the description of the illness most eloquently describing my symptoms- (so officially, I assume I'm an Hysteric) is it's Quicksand like nature. The act of trying to do things has become associated with an invasive, crushing, anxious feeling – that embeds me deeper in the sickly enveloping of the brain fog, the flu–like fatigue, and feeling of disconnection from the physical world around me. Deep within me, there is a trapped stick man Screaming vicously into a vacuum. I am best described by R.D. Laings' Schizoid model in the Divided Self. I am depressed, though regard this is as the least of my problems. I am a fighter, and yet cruelly this can be regarded as one of the greatest *causes* of my problems.

    I have had to accept enormous humility, and grow more deeply spiritual and loving as a person to move on. I have had to learn to be forgiving, in the most true, rather than “Secular misunderstood version of Christianity” sense – I have made use of New Age practices and disciplines such as Reiki and The Law Of Attraction - and meditation. I have learned that the most potent cause of my illness lies within, and that through meditation, (post Hypno–therapy) I am able to free associate, and the little poisonous nuggets of psychological “untruths” - the ancient self-harming fixed ideas, aspirations, standards, snobberies and self-tortures I have been carrying since childhood or adolescence, float to the surface, can be experienced and let go. After these sessions, I always feel renewed. I go to my bed to meditate when I feel unwell, called there to process these evil self-lies.

    My progress has helped me shake off life-long insomnia, to a great extend, though I am still troubled by food intolerances, and interestingly, the worst of which is caffeine – a drug I find life not worth living without. I have at times given up nicotine and alcohol – but caffeine seems impossible. Taking it causes digestive and psychological unrest.

    I believe if I am not suffering from medically provable Chronic Fatigue Syndrome then I am suffering from a form of Anxious Depression, the severity of which is great enough that it creates these Chronic Fatigue Syndrome symptoms.

    I also speculate that Chronic Fatigue Syndrome IS severe Anxious Depression – but have no evidence or research to substantiate such an idea.

    I am very thin. I look unusually youthful for someone my age, and am youthful in both mind and spirit, as though I never really grew up. I am without doubt, the most furiously angry person I know, and if I had been fit, would probably have been a violent man, despite my default gentle nature. I expressed this anger and violence through my work as an artistic person. This work in itself of course became obsessive and so, self harming. This is my pattern.

    In relationships I have a tendency to be drawn to cruel, intolerant women - thoguh my most successful relationships have been with wonderful, nurturing, loving women.

    I have come here to find how my story, and my progress relates to yours. I wish for this illness to be recognized, and be treated more adequately by the mainstream medical practitioners. If I have the power, I wish that this post will reach out to people like me, as lost as I once was, and those wiser than I who have mastered themselves and this condition and can mentor me further. I wish us all peace, humility, and enlightenment. If you are suffering when you read this, I wish to extend to you my deepest regards and love. Please feel free to acknowledge this post – I would appreciate it very much.

    May God, in whatever form that power exists, bless us and help us all.

    P.

    Last edited by Passius; 04-27-2009 at 08:02 AM. Reason: I got the size wrong

     
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    Old 04-28-2009, 11:45 AM   #2
    Passius
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    Re: My Description & battle with my CFS - is it Anxious Depression? Is it my nature?

    I have an increasing suspicion that CFS generally affects the same type of person - this is why I went into such detail above - basically, very emotional people - possible evenly emotionaly unstable - certainly the "highly strung" type. Is this possible? I understand I might be shot down, I have done no research - and there must be people here who know a great deal more than I.

    P.

     
    Old 05-15-2009, 05:09 AM   #3
    Passius
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    Re: My Description & battle with my CFS - is it Anxious Depression? Is it my nature?

    hi < * > - as ever, I don't really expect you to give these missives much time, I'm just trying to mark the things I need to talk about, or sort of notch my progress.

    it's really different - I'm living a really sedentry life, and I realize that while it seemed to have a purpose, all that "being busy" was just me making myself as miserable as I possibly could while I was "ill". I wanted to do those things, I got a lot out of it, and I was terrified of "doing nothing" - interestingly - but now I am "doing nothing" I realize that I'm not READY to go out and do things. My ability to handle the complex issues of personal relationships that I get into with people like, say, < * > and < * > at the pub, is no where near what it needs to be, and this is entirely due to the state I am in.

    I'm not "clear" enough.

    but then I realize - nobody else is clear either! They may not have "my" issues, but they have their own, and they're all roling around like mud wrestlers in the clay pit, desperatly trying to get it togeher to stand up, and keep slipping over, desperately lashing out or grabbing onto others as they try to get up, bringing them down with them. everybody wants to be superior, everybody feels desperately afraid that they are not important - or at last, those fears, those insecurities lie at best dormant within them, and can be tripped at a moments notice, triggering unwaranted defrensivness and aggression This is what ALL people are like, except of course me, who is already superior and wise and - oh perhaps not...

    Well....... not ALL people are like that. Not at all. JUST THE ONES I AM ATTRACTING TO ME!!!!

    as for me - what I really think is - I'm just starting to get my head out of the bushes.... I'm starting to get a new kind of sobrtiety...I'm not going back into life, at the moment, because I know I don't feel secure, or whole, or IN TOUCH with who I am. (yes, thas the best way of putting it).

    I used to throw myself into life because there was no indication that things were ever going to change anyway. I thought it would change, if it ever changed, through pushing through MORE.

    But you just push yourself deeper into the darkest corner of your prison cell, embedding, putting up with ambivalent motives within yourself and others....

    What I'm really saying is - I've never felt this breeze of self - reliance before... this feeling of it beign down to me what happens... this couldn't have happened any sooner because I have had to clear so much. I feel like it's my responsiblity t look after me, no one else wil do it. I also feel I shoudl avoid "romantic" personal relationships until I've got this sorted out (although I worry about "missing out" <for god's sake!> ) until I get this sorted out. when I look round the house, and I see my untidiness, I now think that no one should be introduced to me like this. that it is wrong for me to think it will "work itself out" once I am loved and/or loving. I realize *I* have to figure it out. I belong to me, and I have to *be* what I am now, and right now that is a person in recovery. I'm not a potential rock star, potential husband, potential artists, potetial ANYTHING. I am *this* guy - this creative guy, who is sick, and wholooks after his mum - but who is really *here*, not virtualy *there*.

    So I am living meekly... I go to the local pub with my friend from up the road on Friday and Sunday nights, I record with Andy on Wednesday [the album is startign to sound fantastic, by the way : ) ] I talk to my firend on the phone everyday, I look after my mum, and I don't fight it anymore. make this - what I would have feared was a "medicore" reality my default setting, and suddenly I see progress. I see my thoughts changing, my perception f things altering, my self possession taking hold. I feel rough in the mornings, but it doesn't scare me like it used to. Because I accept it now. And that stops it from lasting all day.

    The only thing I have really noticed this week is - I don't know what to do with myself. caught between needing to preserve some weak hold and tranquility, and wanting to get on with house work, tidying an untidy house - I dare not get on. I dare nt "work". I dare not push myself. I know when I am in ful possession of my powers, my strength, my poteniallity for the day - to push myself when I do not have that - and it is still rare - is to feed back into the M.E. cycle. To feed back into an agitated, duty - bound, catholic mind set. So I avoid it. I try to find some small task that will occupy me in a fleeting, small way, and leave me feeling a little better. So I'm writing this to you for starters, to mark my progress, and hopefully be a good, sound platform from which to continue with my day.

    It's a kind of monastic existence, this recovery mode, once you start to get it - don't worry, I still regularly totally ****** it up. Evry now and again I panic, like on Tuesday I got totally drunk, I got soaked - because I couldn't handle sobriety. I had to try and burst through the bubble. I just couldn't cope with being adult and sober. And I've spent all week recovering. BUt it needs time. I don't like being sober, adult, together. I want to break free of earth's gravity, it seems. I detest the responsibilities of sobriety. It is the flip side to illness. High and low. So I rebel, out of fear, out of panic, out of LACKING THE TOOLS to handle, care about myself, interact with other human beings wihout their moods, feelings and desires penetrating and affecting my own....

    stuff like that.

    hope that wasn't to much - I don't mind if you didn't read it all!

    speak Monday

    Paul.

     
    Old 05-24-2009, 05:40 PM   #4
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    Re: My Description & battle with my CFS - is it Anxious Depression? Is it my nature?

    I have a similar situation you. I've been researching extensively and the best explanation I can find for my severe fatigue/depression is mercury poisoning from my silver amalgam fillings. I was just wondering if perhaps you have a lot of fillings like I do?

     
    Old 05-26-2009, 08:26 AM   #5
    Passius
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    Re: My Description & battle with my CFS - is it Anxious Depression? Is it my nature?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by pos777 View Post
    I have a similar situation you. I've been researching extensively and the best explanation I can find for my severe fatigue/depression is mercury poisoning from my silver amalgam fillings. I was just wondering if perhaps you have a lot of fillings like I do?
    Hi. The answers no. In fact, I am a very good test case for this subject because I didn't have my first filling until I was in my thirties, and my illness was well in place by adolescence. I would lke ot ask you some questions about your formative years, your realtionship with your parents, and how everyday life is for you, but understand that you may not wish to discuss this on the forum. For my part, I am more than happy to disclose characteristics of my life. I would appreciate it if we could compare notes.

    P.

     
    Old 05-26-2009, 01:43 PM   #6
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    Re: My Description & battle with my CFS - is it Anxious Depression? Is it my nature?

    Passius -- without going into detail about depression, emotional trauma, etc., please list your symptoms for me.

     
    Old 05-26-2009, 04:31 PM   #7
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    Re: My Description & battle with my CFS - is it Anxious Depression? Is it my nature?

    Hi Passius, thanks for the reply. Thatís useful data regarding the fillings.

    Your story as related in these posts is echoes mine uncannily in a number of areas. Right down to being a musician (Iím a long-time wanna-be songwriter who still plans to do SOMETHING with my songs, if I can ever get it together to get recording again.) The part where you mention your relationship with your father is what first caught my attention. Iíve got issues in that area which I have, over the years, related to my condition. I have severe persistent fatigue, depression and insomnia. Anxiety is always with me in some form from mild to severe. The depression is variable in intensity and has been dipping into severe recently after I weaned myself of SSRIs for the first time in 18 years. Iím currently pursuing more natural alternatives following research into ďorthomolecularĒ and ďfunctional medicine.Ē My condition arose following a breakdown when I was 23. Although I think the breakdown may have been due to the condition creeping up on me. Iíve always been very sensitive since childhood and my father wasÖoverbearing to say the least, and religious, following the teachings of an American fundamentalist Ďchurch.í So yes, Iíve got plenty of emotional issues and have had counselling in the past. Iím due to have more cognitive behavioural therapy soon. I certainly feel Ďdesperately afraid that [Iím] not importantí! I donít know what came first, my failure to make a success in life, or my fatigue and depression preventing me from doing so. I just canít see how this brain fatigue is caused by emotional issues alone though. Also, it appears to be separate from the depression in that while the SSRIs relieved the depression to some extent, there was no improvement in the fatigue. Iíve had a series of metabolic tests done which have shown that the neurotransmitters dopamine and serotonin are very low. From reading about functional medicine particularly a doctor called Mark Hyman it seems that while the symptoms of fatigue and depression may be the same in different people they can have many varied causes. Often, apparently, if you rebalance the metabolic systems as well as work on mind-body you can see big improvements, even in cases of Autism. Food intolerances, particularly gluten and dairy are big culprits apparently. So it was interesting to me that you mention intolerances. And intestinal infections and yeast overgrowth. Tests have shown I have a bit of all of these so Iíve got a bit of work to do! Iím seeing a specialist dentist to see about having my mercury fillings replaced in July. I found out about this through functional medicine also and it all seems to add up significantly although at this point Iím simply 'eliminating it from my enquiries.' I would love to know how much of an emotional component there is to my condition, or even if it is THE cause of my condition. If so Iíd like to know the mechanism of it.

    I quit work and kind of resigned myself to being out of action indefinitely, blaming it all on a sleep condition, but since having my baby daughter last year Iím now determined to get to the bottom if it and get well. Iím missing out parts of her growing up by being simply too tired to participate. (Something as simple as going to the baths for example.)

    I found your story very interesting and I hope we can continue to correspond.
    How would you describe your day-to-day condition? What is the nature of your fatigue exactly?


    Pos777

     
    Old 05-27-2009, 05:19 AM   #8
    Passius
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    Re: My Description & battle with my CFS - is it Anxious Depression? Is it my nature?

    Hi.

    I'm very glad you have responded, as it was the intention of my posting that I could reach out to other sufferers, and to try out my theory. I must apologze for my persitant bad spelling - I type quickly and this new keyboard I have seems to have a sluggish relationship with the PC. But anyway.


    Our symptoms sound very simuilar indeed, and I too was the victim of a very - and this is a key word - Controlling father. If my theory is correct, then I would suggest that you develop a great deal of compassion for your inner child who would have been very, very confused and traumatized by the catch-22 situation your faher would have placed you in constantly. If I am correct, you may have withdrawn from the real world into one where powerful childhood totems became a focus - perhaps an interest in the fantastic, literature, TV or movie figures? you will have to tell me.

    MY sympoms are - concentration Problems, Insomnia, a feeling of being dis-embodied, constant anxiety - "never being able to enjoy a moment" - a feeling of powerlessness when dealing with other people - some paranoia - a tendency to fantasize and be unrealistic, a tendency to become distracted by both anger inducing memories, and painful flashbacks to moments of intense humiliation, usually where some socially inappropriate behaviour has taken place due to my extreme feelings of discomfort (trying to had to say the right thing etc), and of course the deadening fatigue - a feeling worse than a feeling of not having slept. It's not feeling sleepy - it's feeling like you a living soul trapped in a dead body.


    But there is good news!


    If you recpgnize these symptoms, I have have found a treatment that has made the greatest difference to my life. It is expensive, but is relatively short. I have spent a fortune on psychotherapy, and it was well spent, but the key treatment, when I was ready, was Hypno Therapy with a practitioner who specializes in Anxious Depressive disorders.

    Please either email me or reply so we can discuss this further. I must warn you that half way through the treatment (which should be 10 - 12 weeks only) you become considerably worse for about 6 weeks - and you need to avoid stress during that time if you can. Also you must not discuss your treatement if you can avoid it - and you should not do psycho therapy or counselling during that time, or at least not discuss your treatment during that time.

    If I am correct, you have absorbed into yourself an enormous amount of unresolvable emotional conflict from your father's behaviour, and these are like Knots in the back of your psyche. You wil not be able to resolve them with conventional counselling, because if that was true, it would have worked. I am going to suggest to you that in counselling you were unwilling to cry or show any vulnerablity acdcept through anger, if that. That you are afraid of being known, or of being exposed.

    IF this is true, then you are the same highly strung, "survivor-of-emotional-abuse" type like myself (there is a great book called "Toxic Parents and how to survive them" that may help, but I warn you it made me intolerably angry - and while it moved me forwards I advize it only with caution. It won't heal you - in fact you would need to read it with therapy in place, either counselling or Hypno Therapy if I am correct in my summation)

    Basically, if I am correct, and this is a horrific truth for you and your father - you may have suffered an emotional trauma as difficult to release as a sex abuse victim - as hard as it is to imagine that - and you need to take the resolving of these knots of terrific emotional pain, and your own well being - very seriously.

    You must be compassionate in your dealings with yourself and your father - who, for what ever reason, didn't know how to be a father to you, and basically reacted in the most damaging way possible. you will learn to forgive, because in the end that is the only authentic power you have, both in your relationship wth yourself, and those that have hurt you. (forgive me if I am over stepping the mark here - I am presuming a lot).


    I think I better stop there - if I am correct about you, then even this message wil be exhausting and emotional for you to read. I would like to correspond a little more to advize you about how to go about finding a hypno therapist, and some other techniques I have come into contact with to help me move forward. What ever happens, you have my empathy, and my best wishes.

    P>

    Last edited by Passius; 05-27-2009 at 05:24 AM. Reason: spelling

     
    Old 05-27-2009, 07:27 AM   #9
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    Re: My Description & battle with my CFS - is it Anxious Depression? Is it my nature?

    You don't have CFS.

     
    Old 05-28-2009, 11:11 AM   #10
    Passius
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    Re: My Description & battle with my CFS - is it Anxious Depression? Is it my nature?

    Well of course that is a possibility, and I am partly here to try out my theory and learn more. However, in the medical descriptions I have found, the one for Chronic Fatigue Syndrome most closely describes my condition - perhaps I haven't been tireless enough in my listing of my symptoms, as I have been more focussed on trying to find out if people with this condiiton share any common ground in terms of their character/background etc. The two people I know personally who have had ME do share certain unavoidable similarities with me, but there we are.

    perhaps you would like to elucidate? I am prepared to listen.

    P.

     
    Old 05-29-2009, 05:44 AM   #11
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    Re: My Description & battle with my CFS - is it Anxious Depression? Is it my nature?

    Hi Passius,

    Thank you for taking the time to try to help me.

    I too have found CFS to be closest to my symptoms although I came to the conclusion that I donít fit the criteria properly. It always seems to involve joint pain and other physiological symptoms I donít have. Low level heavy metal poisoning is closer still to my symptoms and I do have a ready culprit in dental amalgam combined with a chewing habit called bruxism. However I also have a BIG unresolved psychological/emotional issue concerning my father and my upbringing, so your case is of considerable interest to me. Hypnotherapy will go on my list of things to try. This new Ďsystemsí or Ďfunctionalí medicine from the States finds that chronic illness is usually a multifactorial problem Ė a combination of things including nutritional, hormonal, toxicity, digestion etc as well as emotional - mind-body. If one part of the system is compromised then there is a knock on effect to other parts.

    For instance the stress from my emotional issues could have weakened my immune system in some way and compromised my bodyís ability to detoxify toxins such as heavy metals. The best book on this just came out this year called ĎThe Ultramind Solutioní by Dr Mark Hyman.

    However my fatigue/depression may be entirely due to unresolved emotional conflict from my childhood as you suggest. I just donít know yet, but I aim to work through it all systematically.

    Did hypnotherapy help with the actual fatigue? For me the fatigue is certainly centred in the brain. My brain feels like an engine with no petrol. How would you describe your improvements following the hypnotherapy?

    Thanks again for your help,

    Pos777

     
    Old 05-30-2009, 04:36 AM   #12
    Passius
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    Re: My Description & battle with my CFS - is it Anxious Depression? Is it my nature?

    yes, we have very similar characteristics in our illnesses.

    To counter what Carol was saying, the whole point of this thread was to posit the idea that either (a) some proportion of CFS sufferers are actually sufering from a severe Anxious/Depressive disorder or (b) CFS is *actually* an anxious depressive disorder, as opposed to ME - which has physical (usually "joint-") pain associated with it. CFS is, as far as I understand it, is the "pain free " version, but I would welcome being corrected on that if I am wrong.

    So basically, I am investigating. The two other people I know who claim to have CFS are the same emotional type as me, and have suffered complex emotional issues with their parents. So I'm sort of trying to do a survey, LOL!

    My symptoms are appallingly dehabilitating when they hit, although I am radically improved from what I was. When sick I literally can't function as a normal person, and even tasks like the washing up seem monumental and require herculian feats of will to take on. I feel dreary, heavy, unable to focus mentally. To have it described as just depresion would nowhere near describe the condition. Any demands on me as a person become hellishly intrusive, and I become irratable and even aggressive over small maters becuase of the enormous effort it takes to just keep going. The constant feeliing of emotional discomfort is suffocating.

    All this started to change during the Hypno Therapy. Basically,my reationship with ym father made me like a very very highly wound spring - I retreated into a very, very tight corner, taking all of my pain and nervousness with me - imagine a traumatized kitten, absolutely in a state of high anxiety, hiding under the sofa refusing to come out. The kitten is miserable, on high red alert, but absolutely wil NOT come out.

    Hypno Therapy re-set my programming, enabling me to deconstruct this invisible programming that I couldn't manualy alter...

    because for some people, if the damage starts early enough, it's not something you can manually alter. IT's too deep - even Psycho Therapy can't reach it. Only Hpno Therapy can get past the barriers of the active mind to release all the unconsciously held beleifs that are keeping you in a state of constant high anxiety - which in turn is - literally - exhausting you.

    That's my theory anyway, and hey, I've gone from being unendurably ill to relatively well. I'm still working on it - it's actually very hard to adjust, and I keep sabotgaing my health now, with alcohol, or stress - because I'm finding it so hard to live without the illness! How messed up is that? So watch out for that. It's not as straight foreward as people think. After as lifetime of illness, gettign well can be a little scary. I WANT it, absolutely - but the illness always serves a purpose. Sometimes it protects you from things about life you don't like. Isn't that horrible? OR from being fuly responsible for yourself. Or it means that someone else has to care for you, and you ge the love you so desperately crave... with one's conscious mind, you long to be well. But there can be a lot going on in the deep. It takes time to adjust, and the process of self realisation keeps going on and on after the therapy as finished. You just start to have new ideas, new ways of seeing things. I still ha to go and rest frequently - still do - months after the therapy - but find that when resting, I go into a medititave state, and the negtaive beleifs I still carry come to the surface in my mind, much like they did in hypnotheray, and I can experience them ,and release them. They are like - self harming, self limiting - and usualy ego-related ideas keeping me from being fully whole... sometimes apparently heathy aspirational beleifs that are STOPPING ME FROM BEING FREE, AND ME, AND WHOLE RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!! IT doesn't MATTER that I SHOULD have been this, or that other people my age have this or that... I'm entitled to MY life, right now. As a healthy, free, individual - and to do that I need to take my illness,and my recovery, seriously. It's that sort of thing.

    I agree with you very much when you say that maybe a psychological problem could have caused all the others. Yes, because otherwise EVERYONE wth mercury filings would be ill! THe mind is the most powerful player in somebody's health, and indeed somebody's life. Never underestimate the ower of individual will. YOu can will yoursef to be sick, and you can will yourself to be better - as long as the Psyche is relatively healthy. In our case, I believe the Psyche has been so badly warped that we are not starting out on an "even keel".

    So basically, I would propose that the reason your body is sick is because your psychological damage is being played out across your body - and it may even be that your llness has a function - does it not, afterall, protect you from wha has ecome, for you, a hostile outisde world, full of people that may want to treat you like our father did? that's what it was like for me, anyway. I retreated, being someone who consciously would NEVER retreat - despite the fact that I was emotioanally hamoraging fast, and was screaming inside all the time.

    But, I am not an expert. you must take from my testiony only what seems relevant to you, and make choices that suit you. Hypno Therapy appears to have changed m life.

    There is anoher possiblity though - I was once tld that any illness takes a third as long to get over as the illness lasted. So in my case, what I thought was the beginning o fmy illnesss - the point when I became to ill to work, and my partner gave me "permission" to be ill - was actually the begining of my recovery. My illness, bymy reckoning, spans pretty much my whole life until I was 30. I am nearly 40 now, and that's a third of my sick time. So there is a possiblity, that if you just sit tight, make sure you stay awya from sick - making situstions and beleif structures, that you MIGHT JUST GET WELL IN YOUR OWN TIME!

    But you have to absolutely sit tight. NO rushing back into work before your ready.

    For me , the Hypno Therapy was important. It gave me more self awareness, and may have sped up the recovery process. But interestingly, it didn't come about - I wasn't ready for it - it just "didn't happen" - unti I reached this late stage of what might have been my "natural" recovery time.

    But I still recommend it, but I would insist you find a therapist who has experience of helping patents with anxiety issues.

    keep in touch

    P>

    Last edited by Passius; 05-30-2009 at 04:45 AM.

     
    Old 06-01-2009, 04:30 AM   #13
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    Re: My Description & battle with my CFS - is it Anxious Depression? Is it my nature?

    Hi Passius,

    How do I email you privately on this thing?

    Pos777

     
    Old 06-02-2009, 08:54 PM   #14
    Carolgray
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    Re: My Description & battle with my CFS - is it Anxious Depression? Is it my nature?

    Sorry it took me awhile to respond. The reason I said I don't think you have CFS is that you've only discussed emotional issues in your posts. In your first post, you mentioned "flu-like symptoms," but other than that you talk about emotional trauma, character traits and your past relationships. People with CFS can only focus on surviving each day. We can pretty much pinpoint the moment we became ill. For me, it was the third week in September 1983 and it began with a sore throat, flu-like symptoms and a low grade fever. Normally, the date I came down with some sort of virus would not stick in my head, except that I never got well. When I say I have flu-like symptoms, imagine the worst flu you have ever experienced -- you ache from head to toe and you are so weak that if someone yelled "Fire," you would have to burn. Now imagine functioning with those symptoms about 65% of every day of your life, compounded by other vague symptoms that come and go like shortness of breath, burning sensations, blurred vision, trouble swallowing (and the list goes on), then I would believe you have CFS. I hope for your sake you don't have it. To me, it sounds like you have some things to work out and you are doing so through therapy and self-discovery. Depression certainly makes you feel like crawling into bed and staying there but there's a difference in that type of fatigue and the crushing fatigue of CFS. Then again, I may be wrong. Take care.

     
    Old 06-03-2009, 04:48 AM   #15
    Passius
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    Re: My Description & battle with my CFS - is it Anxious Depression? Is it my nature?

    You've misunderstood where I'm coming from Carol. I didn't come here to "prove" I had CFS. Believe me, I'm more han familiar with the fatigue. I don't get any physical pain symptoms, but the fatigue and inability to concentrate - the pronged God awful lifeless misery of the disease I am intimately familiar with. And I suspect if you look at my first post, I would have thougt I would have outlined that. But my main thrust in this thread is to explore whether or not there is a psychological component - if indeed, not Root Cause of the condition - thus all the discussion of childhood, emotional trauma etc.

    I detect Carol, and recognize - the anger of a CFS sufferer in your post - the "ownership" of it. Although you may not recognize it, you ae saying to me - "Get Out. YOu don't understand. You on't have it. We do. You don't understand. Only I/we understand". Rust me, I wouldn't be here if I didn't. If I *don't* have CFS, then I certainly have al the fatigue symptoms you suffer from. If I can't pin point the time when I became ill, it's because I'[ve been ill all my life. I remeber the moment when I recognized I was ill very clearly - I was seven years old, and it wasa hot sunny day and I felt so dreadful I had to lie down on my bed. It scared me thaI felt so utterly dreadful on such a bueatiful day.

    You'll forgive me, hope, if I sound defensive. But I think you've made a judement in my case. To be fat to you, the balance of my posts have not focussed on my day to da symptoms - but then, we are all familiar with them, aren't we? I don't want tohave to prove myself to you too. I hope you are doing ok, and I wold really appreciate it if you would consider helping me by asking yourself - do you have any psychological or emotional traumatic circumtances connected to your illness? I would appreciate it. Thank you for responding to my post

    P>

     
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