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Old 09-20-2008, 06:04 AM   #1
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Has anyone found that with their chronic pain that the small stuff bothers them more than prior to cp or are you more relaxed about things in general?

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Old 09-20-2008, 06:20 AM   #2
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Re: Curious

For me I feel it varies. SOmetimes I am real relaxed about things and sometimes I am not...big or small.

This is something i actively try to work on about mysefl. ...Not an easy thing to work on, but over the years I have made some sustantial progress!

It will be interesting to see what others have to say!

I hope you doing well today my friend....

Old 09-20-2008, 11:00 AM   #3
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Re: Curious

I am more up and down - which drives me crazy and I wouldn't even bother asking my husband how he feels about it!

Because pain can be day to day, and so many things impact how I feel: how much sleep I've been getting, how much hope I have at this moment, how isolated I feel from the world, etc. - these all impact how I react to a pile of laundry that's been on a table for 2 days. OK. There's my true confession...

So far today, I'm OK with the pile of papers sitting next to the computer that needs to be filed and has been accumulating but my back can't take the process of filing. Ask me tomorrow.

Honestly yours,

Old 09-20-2008, 11:54 AM   #4
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Re: Curious

Hmmm...for me it's the small stuff...but I'm not sure how much is the CP or how much is the BiPolar. I'm pretty anal about stuff being in it's place and not having clutter...I have to have total control over everything or I get irritated...and of course we all know its impossible to have total I at least try to have control over the house. Hubby taking a check and not putting the receipt in the checkbook drives my through the roof, the boys putting their plates in the sink and not rinsing them and sticking them in the dishwasher does the yeah definitely the small stuff.

Old 09-20-2008, 12:23 PM   #5
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Re: Curious

Since becoming a chronic pain sufferer I have become much more laid-back and patient. I think it's because I've learned that getting aggravated and stomping my feet to get what I want just doesn't work with this disease! I've been known to bang my head against a brick wall and then keep going back for more in my life time. But being forced to live in a wheelchair and coming to the realization that I now have to ASK for help has given me a forced lesson in humility and patience. So I don't sweat the little things anymore.....they are just so unimportant in the scheme of things right now. I have learned that I can't do everything in life all by myself, nor should I want to. There is benefit in opening up enough to let someone in your space and your life - it can afford a significant other in our lives an opportunity to see us at our most vulnerable point in life and they get to practice some nurturing skills! Anyway - I try to see my CP status as a sort of doesn't always work....but I try!! KathyMac

Old 09-21-2008, 04:01 AM   #6
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Re: Curious

Good question Pepper. For me the some of the smallest things are what I get the most frustrated over. Folding clothes, yes, the dishes not being rinsed & so on. I no longer make coffee in the morning but set it up at night. Never know it I will be able to lift the cup let alone the pot, & enough coffee grounds were spilled to teach me not to attempt it in the morning.
There are days I could scream. Everything takes twice or three times as long to do. I have learned to be patient with the big things, like painting or that side of the basement that needs caution tape across it. Those things would have never been left undone in the past, but now the thought of doing it makes me cringe. I just drop hints to the rest of the family & when I get good & fed up it will eventually get done.
By far the hardest & most frustating is depending on others. I have never been one to do so or to wait around for others to do something for me & I know I will never get used to that. I have learned to be grateful for the things I can do & fear the future to much to think more then a minute about it.
I to am curious to see how others respond. Sammy

Last edited by sammyo1; 09-21-2008 at 04:32 AM.

Old 09-21-2008, 06:12 AM   #7
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Re: Curious

I get very frustrated at the little things. I have a hoarder in my family and am terrified my home will end up that way. I live alone and the people that used to help me are now working and other one pregnant and in pain herself. I feel like a burden to the world. I thought back surgery would take away all my back pain and just be left w/ fibro pain. That hasnt been the case and lately Im giving up hope and think no one understands or wants to hear it. All the little things tick me off. I stay with my boyfriend some and help all I can since Im here and my dogs are too. If he messes it up or doesnt keep it up I get really frustrated, but its not my house. My depression and stress is high due to many things. I need therapy more but the copays put extra burden on me w/ paying insurance out of pocket. Cant see my regular drs if i dont pay it though, just waiting on medicare. I really can relate to little things bothering me. One wrong word from someone and I want to cry. I try to tell myself that not everything is a crisis, even though my mental issues and pain make it seem that way. Ive heard it described as "pole vaulting over mouse terds". Hadnt thought about that for a while. Maybe Ill post a note where I will see it and help myself out with encouragement.

Old 09-21-2008, 11:45 AM   #8
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Re: Curious


For me I am more laid back. I have learned their are things I just can not do.

I am in pain 24/7 why complain? Unless your my Dr you can't do anything for my pain.

I have learned to shop in an electric cart and if buying more than that to take someone with me. I carry nothing but my keys and a debit card.

I am no longer embarrassed about being handicapped and will accept help from others.

If I want to go to the mall or someplace that requires a lot of walking then someone pushes me in my wheelchair.

I have learned to be happy for what I can do and not angry for what I can not do.

Yes, it's been a whole new way of life and lots of adjusting.
Now I have people ask me how can I be so happy?
It's all in how you look at things.

Does the small stuff really matter or is your anger misplaced?


Old 09-22-2008, 01:09 AM   #9
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Re: Curious

Pepper, great question as usual. My husband and I just had a huge fight over this same thing. We had just come from my doctors appt. and it did not go smoothly, as usual. He became very angry because we have to pay out of pocket for all of my care and are still looking for someone to help me. He has become very frustrated. So we were talking about it on the way home and he just kept getting madder and madder. It was last friday and he took off work early to take me since I no longer am able to drive. So we lost more money. Any way, we were supposed to go camping after my appt. I was so looking forward to it since I don't get out much.
I said that i would work it out the following Monday since I did have a couple of options. I then had to let it go. I can not let things bother me. I have many issues and some get worse with stress. So I let it go and he did not. He was so upset with everyone including me that we did not end up going camping and worse than that did not speak until the next after noon.
That being said, certain medications make me very irritable and mean. The best one for me is Methadone and I can not get it in this state.
So i guess everyone is different. I know i am down to the minute it can change. I have to do alot of deep breathing.

I hope you are doing ok.
Take care,

Old 09-22-2008, 07:32 AM   #10
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Re: Curious

It seems at times when my pain might be higher than normal that some of the small things that never used to bother me years ago do now. I try not to sweat the small stuff but there's times it's hard to keep that thought in mind.
No matter how great your illness or pain, there's always someone else who may be worse off.

Old 09-22-2008, 07:48 AM   #11
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Re: Curious

Hey Pepper,

Great question. I think, for me, it was a process. I have learned to accept things in a different way, over a period of years. I didn't start out having the mindset that I do now. I was a bitter and angry person in the beginning. Not much fun to live with, that's for sure. But I was also unmedicated or undermedicated for the first couple of years, and in my book, that's a clear cut recipe for bitterness and a short fuse. I was in horrid pain and could barely function on a day to day basis. So, everyone around me paid for it, unfortunately. I hated what I was becoming.

When I finally found my PM doc, things started changing for the better. And for the most part, I don't sweat the small stuff anymore. Obviously, I still have pain, but it is at manageable levels for me (most of the time) and I've learned to do things in different and creative ways. I've also come to terms with the fact that there are some things I will never be able to do again. I think for most of us, that is one of the hardest hurdles to get over. But in time, and again, with the help of a good doctor and the support of my family and friends, I've been able to achieve that.

Long story short (much too late ) I believe it just takes time and a desire to get there. I still have my days when the smallest things can set me off. But I'm also at that time on my life where my hormones are all over the charts, so that contributes to it as well. Oh well, one day at a time, as they say. I hope all is going well for you. I'm sure you are still adjusting to the school year right now, and if you think about it, you've really only been diagnosed as chronic for a short time. So, try to be patient, and keep reminding yourself that you can and will survive this. I am sure, with time and a bit of creativity, you'll do just fine. You're one strong lady, my friend. Take care and God Bless. Many hugs, CMP/MM

Old 09-22-2008, 06:08 PM   #12
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Re: Curious

When I am or have been in pain I tend to get more "control-oriented" than when I am not. I am less lenient at work. I think it is because I just get irritable. Feeling better for the past few weeks, I notice I am a little more laid back right now. I definitely think there is a correlation. I'm glad to hear that others have learned to ease up after time. I think my staff at work appreciate it much more when I am in less pain, because I don't try to micro-manage as much.

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